A bored girl tropes her life, Tal Lingenua [best way to read e books .txt] 📗

My name is April Troper. Yes, that's my name and that's what I'm doing. Sweet! I already have a meaningful name. What luck. That's three tropes already! No fourth wall and lampshade hanging!

So where was I? I was introducing myself. I am 10-years old and have a 12-year old brother, Julian and a baby sister, May. Goody! That's twomore

tropes. A Boy, A Girl and a Baby, odd name out.

That's very disruptive to the flow of the narrative isn't it? I promise I'll try to stop. Okay, more information about me. I live in a town (it begins with an S and ends with a D. One guess per reader.)

If you guessed Springfield then you are DEAD wrong! I live in Sheffield and I just subverted my first trope! I feel so proud of myself. (You knew I was lying when I said I wouldn't interrupt the narrative again.)

I bet you'll never figure out where I live. I'll give you hints by describing my room. It's the room at the end of the hallways that is smaller than both my siblings' room (cruel right?)

It's painted pink and has fluffy stuffed animals. In a four poster bed and just waking up is a pasty little girl with messy brown hair. I don't know what the heck she's doing in my room!

"Hey!" I cry and jump out of the bed and land on the soft pink carpets. The girl darts up and looks around, blinking her sleepy brown eyes. I put my hands on my hips and the girl smiles at me.

"Hi." She says and waves at me as though nothing is wrong.

"Don't 'hi' me." I say, "Just what the heck do you think you're doing in my room?"

The girl's cheeks turn pink. "I was just-"

"Leaving." I march over to the window, which is disturbingly already open. I turn around the girl is behind me. I yelp. She is at least a head taller than me which adds to the creepiness.

She climbs out of the window. She starts to open her mouth but I slam the window on her. Not on

her. She was in my backyard when I shut the window. I draw the curtains.

I walk over to my bed. Ugh, there's a strand of her hair on my pillow! I pull my pajama sleeve over my hand and sweep it into the trashcan. I proceed to the bathroom and I look in the mirror. I brush stringy black hair out of my brown eyes. It falls back into place and I doubt it will ever stay put.

I'm a little paler than I would like to be. That's probably because I spend most of my time on TvTropes.org.

Since the sole purpose of my using the bathroom was to look in the mirror, I head downstairs and to the kitchen.

My mother was feeding my poor baby sister strained peas. Why do parent's insist on feeding us that crud? May was going to give mom a good fight before any food made it to her mouth.

Julian and Dad were eating cereal and talking about baseball. Julian was already in his baseball jersey, his long brown locks were squeezed by his hat.

I stand on my tippy-toes and grab the Sugar Nukes cereal. This is Sugar Bombs on steroids. Loaded with 250% more sugar and enough cholesterol for a lifetime. I grab the milk, a bowl and the last seat around our circular table.

I dump the box over and a single red ball and powder hit the bowl. I look down at it with disappointment. I look across the table at Julian. "You ate all the Sugar Nukes."

Julian shrugged, "Early bird gets the worm."

"I would've been downstairs earlier, but there was a freaky girl in my bedroom."

My family just raise their eyebrows at me and chose to write it off as an asinine comment.

"It's true!"

"You probably just had a bad dream." My mom says. I sigh and get up from the table. I jam the empty box into the trashcan. It doesn't come out and I let out a relieved sigh. Rule is, if something falls out you have to throw everything out, and I do mean everything

.

That trashcan hasn't been emptied in about a month. I make my way back to the counter and what else do I found but Courageous Colon Cereal. Now 25% more likely to make you gag. It's not a very good slogan is it?

I take the putrid cereal off of the counter and pour it into my bowl. Unfortunately, the unappealing gray flakes come out in an abundance. It turns the milk gray. I don't know if a healthy colon is worth this.

I pinch my nose and shovel a spoonful into my mouth. It tastes like paper machete. My tongue hangs out and a scrape the 'cereal' back into the bowl.

"April!" My mother exclaims.

"It's disgusting." I say, "I don't know how you and dad can eat it."

"I'm sorry, but you have to eat something. I'll go shopping later."

I groan. "Do I have

to? I'm just going to throw it up later."

"Yes." My mom says sternly. So that was that. I choked down the flakes that insisted on being classified as 'cereal', threw them up (just like I said I would) and now I'm hungry. It's not how I would like too start my morning. Nobody would like to start their morning like this except maybe Charm.

Who is Charm you ask? Only my best friend in the whole world! But she's really, really unlucky.She was born unlucky. While her mom was pregnant with her, she walked under ladders, broke mirrors, spilled salt and a black cat had taken a liking to her. Some placed her new booties on the table. She was born 13 weeks premature on Friday the thirteenth. And she was literally born

Unlucky.

I don't know what her mother was thinking, or even if she was. That's why I nicknamed her Charm in hopes it would make her lucky. I like to think if nothing else, I've given her a nice name

The doorbell rings and I open the door. Standing there, a little shorter than me, is a redheaded girl with piercing green eyes.

"Hi Charm, I was just telling the readers about you." I say.

"Readers?" She looks at me strangely.

"Don't worry about it." As she comes in I close the door behind her.

Julian comes into the livingroom, chugging down a soda. "What's she doing here? I have a game in a few minutes."

"Hi Julian!" Charm says, "I had no idea you had game. April! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because his games are sooo boring." I say, "I didn't want to put you through that."

"But I like baseball." Charm smiles at Julian.

Julian sighs and rolls his eyes, "I guess you can come."

The pitcher steps onto the plate and stares down my brother. I'm barely awake at this point. They've been staring at each other for five-minutes! Did any innings pass yet? I didn't know. Charm seems engrossed in this boring and painfully slow game. You have a lot of time to think between each pitch.

I've come to think that my life is boring. When I'm bored I go through TvTropes.org but since I'm bored a lot, I believe I've literally been to every page seven times. Considering how big the website is, you know how bad that is. I need to think of something interesting to do. I am 10 years old and already bored of life! I have 90 more years, at least according to Five for Fighting. That's a whole lot of boredom!

"Charm, I'm bored!"

"It's almost over. The bases are loaded, with two outs. Your brother is batting with his team down by three." Charm bit her nails.

Of course it is. "Here's a spoiler for you. He hits a walkoff grand slam." I lean back in the bleacher, "I'm sorry that I know what that is."

"You can't possibly know that." There was a loud crack of the bat and everyone but me stood to their feet. The ball was soaring right towards Charm and I. She reaches out her hand to catch the game-winning ball. It smacked her in the eye and rolled into the hands of a small boy.

Charm grabs her eye, but turns to me in amazement. "How did you know?"

"It never ends in a routine groundout to the shortstop now does it? You want a steak for that?"

Charm chuckled, "Beef Bandages aren't sanitary."

"Beef Bandages? You sound like TvTropes."

"You started it with your Miracle Rally prediction and quoting the baseball page."

"So what am I troping my life now?" I pause. I don't know if it's good thing that that sounded like fun... or a really bad thing.

"Real Life does

have it's own folder." Charm smiles at me and I smile back. We seriously need to get lives.


We all came home after a 6 hour, 6 inning little league baseball game (yes I'm being repetitive and dramatic, I just want you to be as bored as I was.) there was a small celebration in honor of Julian. So he can hit balls with a big piece of wood. Big deal! Well, I can't do it and neither can Charm. May can't and neither can Mom... okay so it was a big deal. I'm just tired of him getting all the attention.

After the celebration, Charm and I went upstairs to my room. It reminds me that I haven't told Charm about the girl who broke into my bedroom.

"Maybe she's a stalker." Charm suggests as I load up the TvTrope webpage.

"Eww, gross." I say, "Can't I at least get stalked by a cute boy?"

"You wanted to do a bunch of tropes right?"

I grab a pillow and whack her with it. "Knock it off! How do we even begin?"

Charm scrolls down to the bottom of the home page and presses the blue 'random' button. The page that comes up is "Innocent Swearing".

"How am I supposed to do this?" I say, "I know what swear words are and if I swore I wouldn't be able to sit for a week!"

"Well, it does say the Innocent swearer quite often gets in trouble."

"Only quite often. I'm not innocent enough to qualify anyway. New trope." I'm about