Last Words, zzmbrashear [readict books txt] 📗

My Diary
-A teenager finding herself-


May 1, 2010

So, I guess I don’t know how this works because I’m not the kind of girl who would write a diary but here I am. My Mother says when I get older it is cool to look at a old diary and see how I changed. So I guess this is the part when I say what happened today. Well, being that I am in Tenth Grade school sucks. I have been single for a while now and I have dated 90% of the guys in my grade so their is not a big selection left. I always have someone to talk to about things. His name is Brandon. He has been my best friend since Fifth Grade and its going to stay that way. Brandon likes to pester me about things, mainly random things but he is always their and I was their when his girlfriend broke up with him.
For a while I was dating a guy named Eric. He was okay but my friends said I could do better but you know what its like when he meet someone when your young and you immediately click and date and keep going on and off. We have known each other for a long time and I think that is the main reason why we stay together and always go back to each other. We broke up as usual, but this time it was because he wanted my best friend. I was okay and then they started dating but she could still see I had feeling for him so she dumped him. It has been about three months since we talked and I didn’t feel like starting to talk now. Brandon keeps asking me who I like but I don’t like anyone in my school. Being Brandon he wont take no for an answer and keeps pestering me. My Mother tries to keep me as her baby girl but I have to grow up some time. She tried to buy me clothes a two year old would wear. Well its about Twelve P.M so I think I will go to bed. Night.


May 2, 2010

I think I have had the worst day ever! Today people started a rumor that I was pregnant! I mean like seriously, I weigh like 115 pounds and I have a flat stomach thank you. My friends came up to me and touched my stomach and said is it a boy or girl. Now every one in my school thinks I’m a slut! And if my day couldn’t get any worse I got called into the guidance councilor. This is how our conversation went.
“Have you heard your options?” She asked me.
“Excuse me?” I said.
“For your pregnancy.” She replied and I flipped.
“I’m not pregnant!” I said and then she implied that I was denying I was pregnant and then I slammed out of their. It made me so mad. When I got home I got out my Math homework: If X equal Y then what is W? The question asked. If X equals Y , wait what? What does Y equal, if I was born with a brain I swear I would be dangerous. I had my Mom help me with it because she is in College. She always knows the right answers to all my problem. When she picks me up from school people always stare at her. She is only 29 and has a 16 year old daughter. She also has and ass and boobs like a teenager so guys always gawk at her. I get so mad. She always has guys spending the night at my house. They show up at night and leave before I get up, she tries to deny it but when the back door slams at 3 o’clock in the morning what do you expect?


May 3, 2010

Brandon, John, Sidney, Brian and Josh came to my house for a small movie party. We stayed on the Trampoline most of the time. Then when we went inside we watched the Ring 2, it wasn’t scary at all. John and Brandon went in my room to talk while Brain sat on the couch with me and Sidney sat on the chair with my dog Charlie.
Everybody left at 11 except Brian and Sidney, they spent the night. We stayed up till 4 the next morning. We woke up at 6 and then passed out at 7 and didn’t wake up till one in the afternoon. When they went home around eight, I went out side and sat on the porch. It was just getting dark. I could see the big dipper. The stars look so pretty while they glisten. It was so peaceful out side. All I could hear were the crickets and the silence. I wondered why my life couldn’t be that same way.


May 4, 2010

School today was a drag. I ran two miles in gym and held the most push-up high score. I did 28 push ups and everyone else could hardly do one. It was something funny to watch. Then next period I had Science and I was the only one who did my homework so Mrs. Grosse was mad. In Lunch a fight broke out. Some kid threw a tray at another kid and then that kid punched the other kid and then the police showed up to take them out. Like that wasn’t bad enough, a twelfth grader got detention because he punched a kid in the mouth and the kid had to have reconstructive surgery. I think the twelfth grader got out of school suspension for a month but I really don’t look into things that much.
In the wall way someone covered their hand over my eyes and said guess who. I guessed Brandon and of course I was right. :). He told me we have homework in math because he has math before me. We walked to Study Hall. When we got their I saw Eric with my friend Leona. He had his arm around her waist and they were laughing. When Leona saw me she freaked.
“Jillian! Oh I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how!” She said. She looked like she was going to cry. I looked at Eric and their was something different in his eyes. He had a look on his face, I use to see that look a lot. He looked helpless like he just saw a ghost.
“Its okay, really.” I said to her. She was so frantic. “Leona, its fine. I have no control on who you date. Its fine okay.” She still looked frantic but gave a sigh of relief. The days leading up to they avoided each other. In the hallway when I was walking up the stairs I heard them fight. I know that spying is wrong but it wasn’t intentional.
This is there conversation:

Eric: Your acting ridiculous.

Leona: She is my friend. My best friend. I cant do this to her. Not you.

Eric: She said it was fine.

Leona: I know but friends don’t do that to other friends. I know you still love her.

Eric: No. Your crazy.

Leona: When you saw her in that room when you were with me you stared at her with a glare. You love her. I know that look. Don’t waste time on me, go find her.

Eric: Thank you.


Eric gave her a hug and then ran up the stairs. He was coming my way so I had to act like I was just coming down. He ran past me and then backed up. He grabbed me and gave me a big kiss. Then Brandon was coming up the stairs and pulled him off me.

“You Jack Ass! You knew I was going to ask her out!” He screamed. I stood their speechless.
“She was mine first.” Eric said while pushing him back.
“You don’t deserve her! Its her choice who she picks.” Brandon said and then they both looked at me and said in unison: Pick Me. I didn’t know who to pick. So I made a T-Chart and when that didn’t work I thought real hard. Eric has thrown me away so many times and I keep going back to him when so many other guys say they want to date me. Why?
I dumped Ray, Phillip, Shawn, Kyle, Austin, Tom, Zak, Randy, Blake, Jordan, Erich, Eric, Brian, Chris and the other Chris. I know what your thinking and what your thinking is I’m a slut but I’m not. Most of these guys I haven’t even kissed. Brandon is my best friend and what if out relationship ruins that. I keep going back to Eric although he treats me like trash but I don’t know why. I found that I don’t have any real feelings left for Eric. Should I try it anyways? Will me saying no to Brandon hurt our friendship? I didn’t know the answers to any of these questions but I intend to find out what they are.


May 5, 2010

Today I got a text from Brandon and Eric saying the exact same thing. “Have you decided yet?” I had no idea which one I would chose. What world has this came to when you can’t even have a best ‘boy’ friend and him not like you. I know I’ve seen the movies where guy and girl are friend since they cant remember and then guy falls for girl and girl don’t feel the same way and the guy ruins it all. I didn’t think that happened as much as it makes it out to be but apparently it happens more than I expected. I also didn’t think that love thing happened either. You know were guy says something charming and then they have this huge passionate kiss. Yeah, that don’t happen in real life at all. I would know because guy are gigantic enormous asses when it comes to relationships. I didn’t know which guy to chose. Man, being a teenager sucks!
Today my parents decided to have “the talk”. First sign that gave it away was my father. He never comes around unless it is important. Second, you would never see my parents in the same room. And third they were being nice, which never happens. I thought my parents were humiliating but this was horrifying. This is how out ‘chat’ went.

Dad: Honey, I think its about time we have the talk.
(My dad says while closing my door behind my mother to make sure I suffer every little second of the conversation)

Me: Okay, I know about sex and crap that comes with. I do have to take sex ed in school.

Mom: They teach that now?
(My air head of a mother said. But how would she know she was a full blown hippy in her day. They didn’t know of birth control or condoms. There were babies popping out every were.)

Dad: We know your getting around that age when the desire become active and we want you to have protection. Now do you know how it works?
(I couldn’t believe he asked me that! How humiliating and at this point of the conversation I was shoving them out the door and shutting it in their faces. I could hear my mom on the other side saying “Well that went well.” And then my overbearing father agreeing.)

I thought some of the stuff they said was a little weird