The End, Cassidy Shay [my reading book txt] 📗

My world seems to have stopped. Burying my babies is the worst torture that anyone could put my through. All those hours spent in the DarkRoom were nothing compared to these few short minutes.
It’s the first time that we’re allowed out on the yard, and already this place is tainted with the memory of something so painful, I never want to come out here again.
Julie and Aron are here, standing to my left. Belle is holding my hand, tears streaming down her face.
I’m leaning against Mathew, sobbing unto his chest. Marc, one of the Viper that’s attending the funeral, places two boxed into the hole, and then someone starts shoveling dirt on top of them.
Julie and Aron leave after a couple minutes, taking Belle with them. Mathew stays for about an hour, and then leaves to make dinner for Belle. I can’t move, so I sink to my knees, grab a handful of dirt in each hand, and press my forehead against the ground. My tears water the soil, creating tiny puddles of mud.
After a few minutes, I sit back on my heels, and I think about my children. “You would have loved your uncle Jack,” I tell the ground. I only hope they can hear me. “But he was killed, so I guess you wouldn’t have known him anyway. But he would have loved you guys so much, if he’d been given the chance.
“Julie would have taken such good care of you guys, helped me out so much, and she would have loved you so, so much. And Belle… I don’t know what I’d do without her. She would have been a great big sister.
“And then there’s Mathew. He and I don’t get along very well, but I know how would have loved both of you so much. He’s a good father to Belle, even though Collin is her real dad. I know that he would have been just as great to you guys.” I take a deep, shuddering breath. “There’s so much that you could have seen, that you would have done.”
I start to stand. “I don’t really know what else to say right now.” I look up and blow two kisses toward the sky. “I love you guys.”
I start to walk back to the building. I know that as soon as I get inside, dozens of Azuli will be waiting to go outside. The Warden told me that he would wait until I got inside before letting everyone else out into the new yard.
I take the elevator to the sixth floor of the Academy, wander through the halls, not seeing anything.
I finally get to my apartment, where I see Mathew sitting at the table, his head resting on his arms. His shoulders shake, and I know that he’s crying. I don’t see Belle, so I know she must be with Julie.
I met Julie when I was pregnant with Belle, and she was pregnant with Aron, about nine years ago. We are the only two Azuli to ever get pregnant, even though the Academy spent lots of time and money for an experiment on Azuli breeding. I was part of the experiment, and had to marry my brother’s best friend.
I tried to escape from the Academy, failed, and was forced to relocate to Floor Six, where I was married to Mathew.
Mathew lifts his head up and sees me. His eyes are red and his face is blotchy. I immediately look away from him. I’ve hurt him too many times.
Belle is the only one of my children that has survived after birth. For some reason, my body has killed all four of Mathew’s children. Collin is Belle’s dad, the only man who I’ve ever actually loved.
Mathew calls my name, and I look over at him. “Meagan, please. I need you right now.” I step into his arms, and instantly, I’m relieved. Mathew and I have hardly spoken in the past few months, but his arms comfort me.
I don’t know how long we sit together, holding each other. But eventually, Julie comes to drop Belle off.
“Goodnight, Mommy,” Belle says, and gives me a hug. “Goodnight, Daddy.” He kisses her forehead and we watch as Julie leads her to her room. After Belle is tucked in, Julie comes and sits at the table.
“Meagan, I want you to promise me something. You have to promise me something. You have to promise me that you won’t disappear again, like you did when you lost the other baby. Belle needs you, and we all love you and it hurts to see you looking so… broken.” She grabs my hand in both of hers and looks into my eyes. “Do you understand?”
I sniffle and nod my head. I know that if I try to say anything, I’ll burst into tears again.
“Okay.” She gets up and leaves without saying anything else. What is there to say?

I don’t like to see my mom cry. In fact, I hate it. But she’s been crying for a really long time. I’ve been watching her out the window, trying to figure out how to help her. I sniffle and wipe away my own tears.
I don’t like to see my mom cry.
Julie comes up to me and takes my hand. She leads me to her room. I came in with them, but left to see my mom. I guess she thinks it’s time for me to go now. We go to their room and wait and wait. Finally, Julie stands up. “Aron, I want you to stay here. I’ll be back soon.” She grabs my hands and leads me through the halls.
We get back to my room and Mommy and Daddy sitting at the table. I go up and give them each a hug. “Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy.” Julie walks me over to my bed in the corner. I fall asleep really soon, because today made me really tired.
In the morning, I sit up and pull my curtain open. Mommy is at the table, a cup of coffee in her hand.
As soon as she got back from her visit at Marc’s house, she demanded that the Academy give her coffee. I think she’s addicted.
I don’t say anything when I go to hug her. She tried to pull me into her lap, even though I’m too old for that now. But I’m too sad to care.
After a few minutes, she stands up. “Do you want to go with me to see Marc?”
I jump out on her lap and nod. I love Marc. He likes to pay my head and tell me how cute I am.
We go down the halls in silence. I don’t know what to say, probably wouldn’t say it even if I did.
We get to the window that my mom always meets Marc at. He’s already there, and he has a sad look on his face.
“Hey,” Mommy says. He nods, and looks back out the window.
“How are you doing this morning?” She shrugs.
“Better than last time. I mean, I’m actually talking today. Last time, I didn’t talk for months. I guess I’m just stronger this time.”
Tears start rolling down her face. She lets go of my hand and wipes the tears from her face. After a couple seconds, Marc opens her arms. She steps into them, and he holds her while she cries.
I sit on the ground and bring my knees to my chin. This isn’t what I expected would happen when we came to see him.
After a while, Marc’s watch beeps. He presses a button and releases my mom. “I have to go. Do you want me to come by after I’m done with work?” She shakes her head and takes a deep breath that shakes her whole body.
“No, that’s okay. I’ll be fine. I have Belle to help me.” She smiles down at me and reaches for my hand. I stand up and grab it. She squeezes it tight.
He nods. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He crouches down and gives me a hug. “Take care of your mom, okay?” he whispers.
I nod, but I still don’t say anything. He’s scared that she’ll do something bad.
We get back to our apartment and Mommy starts brushing my hair. I close my eyes. It feels really good. “Mommy, will you tell me a story?” She thinks for a while before she starts talking.
She tells me a story about her and Uncle Jack when they were little. “It was two weeks before Jack left for the Academy. We were having a party. It was sort of a birthday party for both of us, since our birthdays are so close. But it was really a going away party for Jack.”
She’s quiet as she gathers all my hair together. “Jack and I agreed that we were going to make it memorable.” She talks about parties in the New World, and how you don’t usually have parties unless it’s a retirement party or an Azulate is being taken away.
“At Azulate parties, kids usually cause a lot of trouble. It makes sense. You’ll be leaving soon, so you have nothing to lose. Jack and I…” She laughs, remembering. “We had fun.”
Her laugh breaks up some of the sadness that’s hanging around the place. It’s like sunshine, showing through thunder clouds after a storm.
She finishes telling me her story and then she turns me around and kisses my forehead. “I love you, Belle.”
“I love you too, Mommy.” She pulls me close to her and hugs me tight.
I go to play with my toys for a while and Mommy goes into her room. The door is closed tight. I’m not supposed to go in there.
After a while, it’s time for me to go to Dr. Pender’s office. I stand up and sigh. I hate going in there.
I walk down the halls by myself. When I get to the office, I don’t bother knocking. I never do. Dr. Pender and the other scientists stand around a little desk with a chair and a blank piece of paper.
“Welcome back, Belle,” says one. I glare at him, and go to sit in the chair. “Now, let’s see if you can draw us a Memory today. What do you say?” I roll my eyes. It doesn’t matter what I say, I have to do it anyway. I hate this place.
For a couple weeks now, they’ve been trying to get me to draw a Memory. Before, they ran all kinds of tests to see if I was any different than everyone else. If my body worked in a weird way.
But now they just want Memories. When I don’t close my eyes, they jab me with their sticks. They shock me. I have bruises on my arms. But they don’t know everything, not