Finding Home, Alicia Jackson [best book club books for discussion .TXT] 📗

<<font;11pt>Dear Charlie,
I want you to know that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. To walk away from you means to walk away life itself. I have found, in you, a love that surpasses all the obstacles of my life. Yet here I am writing this letter to you, but Charlie you must know that I don’t want to. I want to stay safe in your arms forever, but unlike mine your life here is wonderful and I would never ask you to leave all of that behind. So here I am writing this letter because it is all the choice that I have. I have to say goodbye to you Charlie, and I don’t have the strength to do it in person. If I were to look into your eyes and say goodbye, I wouldn’t be able to say it, and I must leave this place Charlie. I must. As you read this know that you gave me my life back, in fact you gave me the Life I never had.
Love Forever,
Savannah
I wept over the words that I had just written. Without Charlie I didn’t know what my life would be. But didn’t I? Without Charlie my life would be the same empty black hole it had been before I met him. I would, undoubtedly, suffer the same pain and fear that had plagued my life for eighteen years. Eighteen years of turmoil compared to eight months of bliss. When I met Charlie I thought that the pain was over how foolish had I been then. How naive of me to believe that one boy could end a lifetime of heartache. But the eight months that I spent with Charlie were more than enough to make me forget about all of the pain. Eight months had been enough to save me.

It was early September of my senior year when I first saw the boy that I would come to love as my Charlie. He was the new kid in town and besides the fact that he was brilliant, that was all I knew about him. We had a couple of classes together; Math, History, and English and he was that new kid. He was always prepared for class, he always knew all of the answers and he always made all A’s, the teachers that had him loved him, and those that didn’t wished they did. The guys had a hard time teasing him about it though, because most of their girlfriends would have dropped them flat if Charlie had shown the slightest bit of interest. All of this I knew from what I had overheard of petty gossip of course. I lived in my own world most of the time, thinking about problems at home. I didn’t pay much attention to Charlie and he didn’t seem to notice me. If it hadn’t been for Maggie Beth and her insolent little friends making such a fuss over him in English each morning, I might have never even known he existed. Our school was small, there were about one hundred people in my senior class but I stayed to myself. One day my English teacher decided to split us into teams and conduct a debate. The topic was “Our responsibility to help”.

I was tired that day, as usual I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. I can slightly remember Charlie being paired against a guy on the football team but I kept dosing off. Our teacher caught me and as punishment informed me that I would be next, and against Maggie Beth of all people. Teachers never called on me, I was quiet and they knew it, but I was smart. Maggie Beth on the other hand opened her mouth every chance she got and the girl is as dumb as a doornail. When the grueling moment arrived Maggie took the liberty of speaking first, “Well I think that everyone should help themselves” she declared with a proud grin. I rolled my eyes, how dumb could this girl be really. “Savannah would you like to counter that remark?” the teacher asked. I looked around nervously; it’s not that I’m afraid to talk, because I’m not. I’m just more of a listener, I like to hear what others have to say, you learn more that way. Besides I do all of my talking on paper, the red A’s and praising comments from teachers prove that. I sighed and nodded to the teacher then looked at Maggie Beth. “Are you serious?” I asked. “You mean to say that you think that all of the poor people out there should just help themselves?” “Well yes” she said all proud again. “It isn’t my responsibility to take care of them they should just go get jobs”.
“What if they can’t Maggie, and in this town finding a good paying job is nearly impossible.”

“Well… there’s the city, they can go there my dad did.” She stood there just beaming, she had been so proud of her weekly trips to the city with her father, every day after cooing over Charlie she would move on to the topic of whatever outrageously priced thing her father had gotten her during their trip. “Not everyone can get a job in the city Maggie!” our little debate had turned into more of a relentless argument. “You would know wouldn’t you Savannah?” Maggie’s friends were laughing but I didn’t care they were all dumb, rich and spoiled by their parents. None of them had plans for college as if they could get in. Last time I checked good looks, and self-righteousness weren’t qualities they asked for on college applications. It wasn’t like I had outstanding plans either but I had better reasons. The teacher chimed in then, interrupting a glare off between us. “Ok girls lets wrap up with our closing statements, Maggie go ahead first.” Maggie cleared her throat as if to say something important, yeah right like that could happen. “People have a duty to themselves to take care of themselves, if they did our world would be a better place. The government wouldn’t have to argue so much and there wouldn’t be so many bum towns like this one.”

Her friends clapped and cheered, she bowed as if she had just given a prize winning speech. The teacher nodded signaling my turn to speak. “I think that we all have a responsibility to help each other. If it were you who were out on the street or hungry, you would want someone to help you.” I looked at them all accusingly especially Maggie. “Is this your help me plea Savannah?” Maggie interrupted laughing. That was it I was going to finish this once and for all. “You know what Maggie I don’t need your help or anyone else’s for that matter, I am lucky enough to have a job, and a house, and a car. There are people in this world, in this town that are much worse off than I am! I might not have expensive things but I am much smarter than you and your little friends. Unlike you I have integrity and I’m not counting on what my parents have to carry me through life. And you know what I’m glad that I don’t have that luxury, it separates me from people like you.” The class roared, not that I cared, I walked back to my seat still fuming. Two good things came from that day. The English teacher learned never to stick me in a debate again, and for once, possibly the first time in her life Maggie Beth was silenced.


A quiet stirring in the next room reminded me of the present. From the window across the room I could see the light grayish tint of the sky, the sun would be up soon and that meant so would he. With the rising of the sun would come the awakening of a monster. I folded the letter and slipped it into an envelope. I scribbled Charlie on the front, and taped it shut. I had about thirty minutes before the alarm would sound and awake the man I so desperately wished would never wake again. Thirty minutes before I would surrender control of my life and leave everything to chance. Thirty minutes until the last time I would leave this house. I stared down at the cedar desk where I sat, the last time I would sleep in this room. I wouldn’t miss a single thing about this room, or this house. This house held every single bad memory I had, and this room, the pain of a lifetime. Just then I caught sight of my Ceiley Doll. She was possibly the only good memory this house held for me, and even she held some memories I would rather forget. She sat perched upon my made bed, dirty and tattered from years of play and love. I will never forget the day I got her.

My mom brought her home as a surprise, she wasn’t new then but it hadn’t bothered me. In my house Christmas and birthdays were almost non-existent, on holidays instead of presents and smiles mom and dad would argue. My mom worked at the local diner, and my dad at the car repair shop. We lived in a small next to a big city and the locals in our town more than often did all of their business in the city. Mom would be lucky to make ten dollars in tips a week. Every now and then someone would come through the repair shop, but the damage was never more than sixty dollars worth. I have no idea how the bills were ever paid, but they were. So I imagine that Ceily cost about a dollar from the thrift store, but it didn’t matter then, and it doesn’t matter now.

I quietly crossed the room to sit on my bed. I picked Ceily up from my pillow to look at her one last time. She wore the same blue dress and shoes she had since I was five. Her hair, chestnut brown, like mine, was neatly pulled into two braids that hung over her shoulders. Her eyes were not like mine. My eyes are blue, like my fathers and Ceiley's green like my moms were, a similarity that still hurts every time I look at her. I grew up in the house that used to be my grandparents. When they died they left it to my mom. My mom said that they were really wealthy people, they owned the house by the time they died, as well as their car. They loved my mom and when she got pregnant with me, they wanted to make sure we were taken care of. But no one expected the life we would all lead here. When my grandparents bought this house, in the sixties, the town was booming. The city had not yet become a big deal and this town was full of wealthy people. This house in fact was the place for social gatherings. Wealthy southern woman would gather here and sit on the front porch drinking lemonade and telling gossip. That’s actually how my parents met. My father’s mom was very good friends with my mother’s mom, and every day they would come together for their daily gossip and lemonade. My parents met after being thrown together one day to play while their parents diverged into a delightful afternoon of lemonade and scandal. My mom said once that she believes my grandparents had her and my dad set to be together even before either of them was born. I