when did it become so hard to be normal?, lauren k [best ebook reader for chromebook txt] 📗

i cant believe i actually left my little whole of the earth that i have been living in for the past centuries to actually live a life for myself. Just thinking of that thought scares me to no end but at the same time it kinda excites me. Im going to raise my head up and actually look at this world that i abandon so many years ago. I have to say im a little ashamed of myself tho. After that sickening day where those bastards changed me i kinda fell apart. I lost myself , i was soo confused and thats what hurt the most. Sure i was betrayed and abandon but the confusion just swallowed me whole without any hesitation. i just gave up... that phrases makes me feel so ashamed. i Stacia Bella Glinair gave up!! when i was a human and looked at the others who had given up i had no mercy no remorse for those weaklings and its so ironic that when my life got hard i too gave up. I stopped fighting for myself and just let the world sway me around, As if i was a shell at the bottom of the sea being controlled as the ocean waves threw me around. haha wow when did i become so pathetic , o wait that's right i remember now its when i turned my back on society and found my hole to loath in pity. but hey enough with that sorrow talk , im a change girl now ,no wait i am a woman. "I going to forget about my past and focus on my future." hha Those words tingle on my tong , just dancing off it . Well i now live in Blacville North Carolina. that is where my new life begins and my old life ends. but I have to say a lot has changed since my time , the land has changed , the people have changed,but the thing that changed the most is... how do i say this umm its like the feelings have changed around the world. its like its not new anymore... well it is and isnt at the same time. its new as in my new life and what not but in my time it felt different the world was changing everyone was getting sooo excited about it . there was like a spring in everyone's step. but now .... now it just feels old. or maybe that just me but i feel as if something in the air is missing.its my first day of school in this town, and i have butterflies and it makes me want to throw up, i never was scared of school when i was human and u would think that since im a wolf and stuff i would be strong and confident but the more time i spend thinking about it the more time i want to go back to my hole and just sleep. real quick i want to go back to the wolf thing, i am strong and my wolf is even strong but it like two people living in one body. Most of the time its me who is in control but whenever im scared or insecure she takes over ,shes kinda like the other half of me or the other half of my half ,like my mate is the other half . but that just gets confusing to talk about basically what im trying to say is that she is always there for me she always knows what to do as well like the mother i never had . and that right there is the only thing that keeps me going these days. when i was in that hell hole picking up my scattered pieces of myself she was with me ever step of the way and she diddnt even mind it , in fact she liked helping me she hated seeing me soo.. soo disheveled . it felt like i have been with her all my life, you now when people say everyone has a monster deep within them , i believe that . i believe we all have that one beast lurking in the shadows of our own souls , waiting for its time to peak on out and take control of the things were to afraid of doing. wow gosh i getting lost in my own thoughts when i haven't even started my day at school. come on brain leave the spacing out to do at school,not while im getting ready for school. which starts only in a 2 hours!!!

It took me about half an hour to get out of my thoughts and start focusing on my appearance. which needed a lot of help. I have long brown hair that goes to my hips,and its pin straight as well so i diddnt need to straighten it, it diddnt take to long to grow and it wasn't damaged from hair tools since i have been in a whole for a past couple centuries. then i don't have any acne thank goodness i remember when i was human and getting acne was just a hasel to deal with then my eyes are light brown , hazel i guess u can say with a touch of lime to them to make myself a little exotic.i wasnt terribly short and wasn't extremely tall i was about 5'10 or 11 just tall enough. I was thin tho, almost to thin im still trying to gain the weight i had lost when i was in my darkest place. i diddnt really eat back then i diddnt see the need to, in those moments i diddnt care if i lived or died i just wanted to be alone , to gather my thoughts and processed and recover for what had happened. but if when my hunger got to bad my wolf side would take over and force me to hunt. i did not get affened or annoyed or really even cared she was just doing what was right for the both of us , she was the one who was starving with me , i diddnt want to take her down with me but as being apart of me it sometimes felt like i was . Gosh im doing it again im getting lost in my thoughts. when i finally picked out my clothes i decided on skinny jeans that were dark but faded and had holes in them with a light purple long sleeve shirt and a plad scarf and purple ugg boots, it was perfect for the weather since it was so cold out side but being a wold i diddnt mind but i wanted to blend in with what i expect the humans would be wearing. If you wondering how i have all this money and i do have a lot of money i had a couple of old family air looms and trust funds and i had collect things and accounts just in case there was a day that i would get out my hole in the world. ad that day did come and it worked out well for me . speaking of things since in this day and age civilization had come up with a lot of new toys to play with like cars. Gosh they had so many different styles and designs that i about drooled over when i first say them. but of course i needed to blend in but i still wanted to have fun with it so decided to go with the 2012 jeep wrangler in black. i dont no why i liked it so much maybe because of the openness of it or the way it looked soo free i liked it, some cars look so restricting and uncomfortable it makes it unappealing to look at. again!! i loss myself in my mind i can tell already its going to be a long day. As i got in my jeep and headed toward the small local school i started to think about my old days....
coming back to reality i turned into the school parking lot excitement and adrenaline roared threw my veins my wolf was getting excited as well ... i thought but the excitement that i thought was actually fear because what i failed to realize that there were already wolves there!!!!!!!! how could i forget !? i totally forgot to check to see if packs already owned the territory ! i was so rapped up with myself in my new life that i totally forgot about the basic and most important things you do before moving in to new territory!! check out the people!!!! at this point i wanted more than anything is to craw back into my hole and stay there till the ends of time but i couldnt i couldnt stop now i wasnt going to make the same mistake twice i wasnt going to give up!!! i already tasted the biter sweet taste of regret and i diddnt want to taste it again. i came out of my hole to get ride of this wretched taste not get more of it. So as i drove into the school parking lot i forced myself to sallow the all the fear that was caught up in my throat and forced myself not to look at them. it was extreamly hard! i could fell there eyes barring into my back as i drove past them, they were not actually looking at me to be percise but more at my wolf they wanted to find out every piece of information they could find . they were enraged about a unexpected guest coming into there home without any notice at all. i suppose again that was my fault . as i found the farthest parking spot away from those vultures i slowly got out of my car. At this point i was BEYOND FREAKING OUT!!! i was numb i was numb from the fear but i couldn't show it that would only make things worse for my wolf and myself in our new home. as my wolf was on edge and listening to ever noise in this school, i then realized i wasn't really afraid of the wolves ... wait let me rephrase that not all the fear that i had was for the wolves it was the school and the people, i haven't been to a place with so many people since that day. i was so afraid of the humans they were all staring at me, as if i was a new toy. remember i am in a small town they don't get that many new people. As i came out of my thoughts i was so close to the school but even worse i was so close to the wolves. as i walked a couple rows away from them i could still see them . they were glaring