You Know Who, Robin L. Deeter [mini ebook reader TXT] 📗

don’t think I could have continued much longer.”
“I’m sorry you’re in so much pain, Jessie. I wish I could do more to help you but I seem to be ineffective in this department.”
Jessie grasped his hand. “Ben, you are a big help. Don’t underestimate yourself. You know, I don’t think I’ll be dating or anything. I’m through with that. There won’t ever be anyone else that I’ll ever want to be with. Can you understand that?”
Ben crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, yes. I understand more than you know.”
“You’re talking about her aren’t you?”
“Yes,” Ben admitted.
“I’d like to hurt her for you, Ben. I really would.”
A faint smile rested on his lips. “I appreciate that. Now you understand how I feel, why I don’t take women up on their…offers.”
“Yeah, I really do, Ben.”
“But you’re luckier than me, Jessie. You at least have the assurance of his love. All I have is bitterness, something I’m working on overcoming. Don’t become bitter, Jessie.”
“How can I? Why did he have to send these flowers? Oh God, they make me happy but they make it worse, too.”
“He’s missing you, too. I’m sure of that. It can’t be easy for him to have been taken so quickly. Don’t you think he’s feeling the same things you are?”
“I’ve thought about that a lot. I wonder what he’s doing exactly and how he’s doing. He has to be lonely and it’s not like he’s going to make any real friends wherever he is since he’s undercover and all. It hurts me to think that he’s in danger or that someone is going to figure out who he really is. It’s driving me crazy!” She sat back down. “Ok, I’m done whining about all of it. I can’t change it and I have to live my life as best I can. But I’ll tell you this and then shut up. I’ll never love anyone the way I do him. Ever.”

The very next day Jessie set about putting her life back in order-again. She started getting rid of reminders of Ray. Having them around the house was growing too painful. She threw out his pillow and bought a new one. The Corvette was put in the shop for detailing with strict instructions to clean the interior very thoroughly. The notebook full of sticky notes was packed in a box with other things and put in the attic. She’d tucked the card from the flowers in it before putting it in the box. After clipping one rose from its stem, Jessie threw the rest away. The single rose she place in an old art history book to be pressed.
Work was the one area she couldn’t do much about. There was no way to change the squad room or insist on Ray getting a different desk. Her Ray was still everywhere, from the lunch room where he had stood watching Fraser and her sing to his desk or even the hall closet where they’d had some make-out sessions. Jessie could have quit her job and found a new one. Lt. Welsh would have given her a good recommendation but she loved the 27th and was determined to stay.
June blew in on the backs of thunderstorms bringing balmy weather to the city. Jessie sat on her porch one night watching the heat lightning dance across the sky. She loved the storms, the sound of thunder crashing and shaking the house with its force always energized her and sometimes she would dance in the rain in her backyard. Ray had caught her at it one night and had gone off, pointing out to her the dangers of lightning and calling her reckless. She was smiling at the memory when Fraser and Ray pulled up in his black GTO. His father had brought it to him all the way from Arizona.
“Hey, Jessie!” Ray called a greeting to her as he hopped out.
Fraser followed at a more sedate pace. He had changed into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt since it was so hot. Jessie decided that he should dress like that more often. As they came up the walk, Ray kept warily watching the clouds.
“What’s the matter, Ray?” Jessie asked.
“I don’t like storms that much, that’s all.”
“Well, don’t worry, it’s just heat lightning. It won’t amount to anything,” she responded.
Ray sat in one of the four rocking chairs that lined her porch and immediately started rocking. The man was rarely still. His hyper energy amused Jessie. Ben chose another, sat down and then stood back up again.
“I almost forgot this,” he told her as he pulled a folded up envelope from the back pocket of his jeans. “Sorry it’s a little worse for wear.”
Taking it from his hand, Jessie unfolded it. She stopped upon seeing the handwriting. Ray. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes flew to meet Ben’s.
“It came to the Consulate today. It was addressed very carefully and I suspect that he sent it there because there’s such a high volume of mail that it would be hard to track it,” Ben explained.
Jessie inhaled and then blew out the breath. It was reminiscent of another envelope she had opened that was addressed to her by Ray. She opened the envelope, finding it comforting to do so in Ray and Ben’s company.
Jess,
I’ll get right to the point because this isn’t going to be easy for me or you. This assignment is taking longer than I expected and I have no idea how much longer it’s going to be. It’s not fair to keep any kind of a hold on you, so don’t wait around. You deserve to be happy and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be with me at this point. I could be selfish and tell you to hang in there, but it wouldn’t be right. Go on and live your life and live it well.
You Know Who
Utterly stunned, Jessie sat holding the letter, staring at it in order to fully comprehend what Ray was telling her. He’s releasing me, that’s what he’s doing. A fury unlike any she’d ever known suddenly burned inside like a wildfire. The look she turned on Ben startled him. She thrust the letter at him.
“Read it.”
“Oh, well, I’m sure that’s private-“
“Just fucking read it!” she yelled.
Ben’s eyebrows shot up but he took the letter without another word. After reading it he handed it back to Jessie.
“Who the hell does he think he is to just decide something like that for me?”
Ray was lost as to what had happened. “What’s going on?”
“You might as well read it, too.” She whipped the letter onto Ray’s lap and descended the porch steps, beginning to pace up and down the front walk. Her hands were holding her long hair back from her face. “I mean, I’m a grown woman and I can make up my own mind. Why would he say that to me? Ha! I get it now. Our relationship must not have meant as much to him as it does me.”
Ray whistled. “Wow, what’s wrong with him? Is he an idiot? Why would he do that when he knows damn well how much you love him? Fraser, your old partner is an ass.”
“Now let’s not jump to conclusions. I think it’s more likely that he is thinking more about Jessie’s happiness than his own.”
A sob hitched in Jessie’s chest as she came to stand before the porch. “But he should know me well enough to realize that my happiness is him. If he doesn’t know that than…” She stopped, fumbling around for the right words and not finding them. Mounting the steps, she opened the screen door and went inside. Fraser and Ray followed her.
“Where are you going?” Ben asked.
“I need to get drunk.” Jessie rummaged around in a kitchen cupboard but didn’t find what she was looking for. Backing up she gazed up onto the top shelf. There it was; a bottle of whiskey that she kept for special occasions. Well, if this wasn’t an appropriate occasion then she didn’t know what was. Knowing she wasn’t tall enough, she turned to Ben.
“Will you please get that bottle down for me?”
“No. Drinking isn’t going to help the situation.”
Ray shook his head and reached up to grasp the bottle. “Here,” he said handing it to Jessie. “If I have a couple with her, can you drive to your place?” he asked Fraser with a wink over Jessie’s head.
The Mountie had no idea what Ray’s plan was but since Ray undoubtedly had more experience with drinking than he, Fraser went along with him.
“Alright. I suppose that would be ok.”
“Great!” Jessie retrieved two shot glasses from the cabinet, plunking them down on the kitchen table.
Ray broke the seal on the bottle and filled their glasses. The acrid scent of the strong drink burned Fraser’s sensitive nostrils so he sat back in his chair, putting some distance between him and the whiskey.
Holding up his glass Ray chanted, “Through the lips and over the gums, look out stomach ‘cause here it comes.” He clinked glasses with Jessie, both tossing back the booze.
The alcohol burned a trail of fire to her stomach, the heat matching that of her anger. “Again,” she requested, slapping the glass back down on the table.
Ray filled the glasses and they knocked down a second shot. Ray burped making Jessie laugh.
“Hey, whatdaya got to eat?” Ray started rummaging around in the fridge, much to Fraser’s irritation. He would have asked permission.
“Whatever you find,” Jessie quipped.
“Pastrami. Cool. You want a sandwich, you guys?” He gave Fraser another wink and nodded in an exaggerated fashion.
Fraser caught on. “Yes, I’d love one.”
“Ok,” Jessie agreed and poured another whiskey.
Ray snatched it away. “Hey! No getting ahead of me. Here, watch this.” He set the drink down in front of Fraser.
Jessie pouted but didn’t object otherwise. Ray made the sandwiches and doled them out.
“So Jessie, explain to me how you live in Chicago and root for the Steelers.”
“My dad was originally from Pittsburgh, so I grew up watching them. Better than the Bears any day.”
Fraser realized that Ray was distracting Jessie from drinking. They argued about football until they finished their sandwiches. Then Jessie asked Fraser for her drink, which he handed over reluctantly. She drank it in one gulp squeezing her eyes shut at the burn. It felt good.
“C’mon. Let’s dance.” Taking Jessie’s hand, Ray hauled her out of her chair.
“Here?”
“Yeah, here. Throw on something fast.”
“Could you be more specific?” Jessie headed for the stereo.
“Fast but so you can still dance to it. Something with rhythm. I’ll get us another drink.”
Fraser scowled at his partner until Ray put a finger to his lips. He filled both of their glasses halfway with whiskey and topped