Under Fire, Henri Barbusse [free novel reading sites TXT] 📗

the list—in envelopes, of course, of the general commanding the district. It’s very simple,’ he says.

“I’d drawn back three paces to wait till he’d done with jawing. Five minutes after, I went up to the sergeant. He said to me, ‘My dear sir, I have not the time to bother with you; I have many other matters to attend to.’ As a matter of fact, he was all in a flummox in front of his typewriter, the chump, because he’d forgotten, he said, to press on the capital-letter lever, and so, instead of underlining the heading of his page, he’d damn well scored a line of 8’s in the middle of the top. So he couldn’t hear anything, and he played hell with the Americans, seeing the machine came from there.

“After that, he growled against another woolly-leg, because on the memorandum of the distribution of maps they hadn’t put the names of the Ration Department, the Cattle Department, and the Administrative Convoy of the 328th D.I.

“Alongside, a fool was obstinately trying to pull more circulars off a jellygraph than it would print, doing his damnedest to produce a lot of ghosts that you could hardly read. Others were talking: ‘Where are the Parisian fasteners?’ asked a toff. And they don’t call things by their proper names: ‘Tell me now, if you please, what are the elements quartered at X—?’ The elements! What’s all that sort of babble?” asked Volpatte.

“At the end of the big table where these fellows were that I’ve mentioned and that I’d been to, and the sergeant floundering about behind a hillock of papers at the top of it and giving orders, a simpleton was doing nothing but tap on his blotting-pad with his hands. His job, the mug, was the department of leave-papers, and as the big push had begun and all leave was stopped, he hadn’t anything to do—‘Capital!’ he says.

“And all that, that’s one table in one room in one department in one depot. I’ve seen more, and then more, and more and more again. I don’t know, but it’s enough to drive you off your nut, I tell you.”

“Have they got brisques?” [note 2]

“Not many there, but in the department of the second line every one had ‘em. You had museums of ‘em there—whole Zoological Gardens of stripes.”

“Prettiest thing I’ve seen in the way of stripes,” said Tulacque, “was a motorist, dressed in cloth that you’d have said was satin, with new stripes, and the leathers of an English officer, though a second-class soldier as he was. With his finger on his cheek, he leaned with his elbows on that fine carriage adorned with windows that he was the valet de chambre of. He’d have made you sick, the dainty beast. He was just exactly the poilu that you see pictures of in the ladies’ papers—the pretty little naughty papers.”

Each has now his memories, his tirade on this much-excogitated subject of the shirkers, and all begin to overflow and to talk at once. A hubbub surrounds the foot of the mean wall where we are heaped like bundles, with a gray, muddy, and trampled spectacle lying before us, laid waste by rain.

“—orderly in waiting to the Road Department, then at the Bakery, then cyclist to the Revictualing Department of the Eleventh Battery.”

“—every morning he had a note to take to the Service de l’Intendance, to the Gunnery School, to the Bridges Department, and in the evening to the A.D. and the A.T.—that was all.”

“—when I was coming back from leave,’ said that orderly, ‘the women cheered us at all the level-crossing gates that the train passed.’ ‘They took you for soldiers,’ I said.”

“—‘Ah,’ I said, ‘you’re called up, then, are you?’ ‘Certainly,’ he says to me, ‘considering that I’ve been a round of meetings in America with a Ministerial deputation. P’raps it’s not exactly being called up, that? Anyway, mon ami,’ he says, ‘I don’t pay any rent, so I must be called up.’ ‘And me—’”

“To finish,” cries Volpatte, silencing the hum with his authority of a traveler returned from “down there,” “to finish, I saw a whole legion of ‘em all together at a blow-out. For two days I was a sort of helper in the kitchen of one of the centers of the C.O.A., ‘cos they couldn’t let me do nothing while waiting for my reply, which didn’t hurry, seeing they’d sent another inquiry and a super-inquiry after it, and the reply had too many halts to make in each office, going and coming.

“In short, I was cook in the shop. Once I waited at table, seeing that the head cook had just got back from leave for the fourth time and was tired. I saw and I heard those people every time I went into the dining-room, that was in the Prefecture, and all that hot and illuminated row got into my head. They were only auxiliaries in there, but there were plenty of the armed service among the number, too. They were almost all old men, with a few young ones besides, sitting here and there.

“I’d begun to get about enough of it when one of the broomsticks said, ‘The shutters must be closed; it’s more prudent.’ My boy. they were a lump of a hundred and twenty-five miles from the firing-line, but that pock-marked puppy he wanted to make believe there was danger of bombardment by aircraft—”

“And there’s my cousin,” said Tulacque, fumbling, “who wrote to me—Look, here’s what he says: ‘Mon cher Adolphe, here I am definitely settled in Paris as attache to Guard-Room 60. While you are down there. I must stay in the capital at the mercy of a Taube or a Zeppelin!’”

The phrase sheds a tranquil delight abroad, and we assimilate it like a tit-bit, laughing.

“After that,” Volpatte went on, “those layers of soft-jobbers fed me up still more. As a dinner it was all right—cod, seeing it was Friday, but prepared like soles a la Marguerite—I know all about it. But the talk!—”

“They call the bayonet Rosalie, don’t they?”

“Yes, the padded luneys. But during dinner these gentlemen talked above all about themselves. Every one, so as to explain why he wasn’t somewhere else, as good as said (but all the while saying something else and gorging like an ogre), ‘I’m ill, I’m feeble, look at me, ruin that I am. Me, I’m in my dotage.’ They were all seeking inside themselves to find diseases to wrap themselves up in—‘I wanted to go to the war, but I’ve a rupture, two ruptures, three ruptures.’ Ah, non, that feast!—‘The orders that speak of sending everybody away,’ explained a funny man, ‘they’re like the comedies,’ he explained, ‘there’s always a last act to clear up all the jobbery of the others. That third act is this paragraph, “Unless the requirements of the Departments stand in the way.”’ There was one that told this tale, ‘I had three friends that I counted on to give me a lift up. I was going to apply to them; but, one after another, a little before I put my request, they were killed by the enemy; look at that,’ he says, ‘I’ve no luck!’ Another was explaining to another that, as for him, he would very much have liked to go, but the surgeon-major had taken him round the waist to keep him by force in the depot with the auxiliary. ‘Eh bien,’ he says, ‘I resigned myself. After all, I shall be of greater value in putting my intellect to the service of the country than in carrying a knapsack.’ And him that was alongside said, ‘Oui,’ with his headpiece feathered on top. He’d jolly well consented to go to Bordeaux at the time when the Boches were getting near Paris, and then Bordeaux became the stylish place; but afterwards he returned firmly to the front—to Paris—and said something like this, ‘My ability is of value to France; it is absolutely necessary that I guard it for France.’

“They talked about other people that weren’t there—of the commandant who was getting an impossible temper, and they explained that the more imbecile he got the harsher he got; and the General that made unexpected inspections with the idea of kicking all the soft-jobbers out, but who’d been laid up for eight days, very ill—‘he’s certainly going to die; his condition no longer gives rise to any uneasiness,’ they said, smoking the cigarettes that Society swells send to the depots for the soldiers at the front. ‘D’you know,’ they said, ‘little Frazy, who is such a nice boy, the cherub, he’s at last found an excuse for staying behind. They wanted some cattle slaughterers for the abattoir, and he’s enlisted himself in there for protection, although he’s got a University degree and in spite of being an attorney’s clerk. As for Flandrin’s son, he’s succeeded in getting himself attached to the roadmenders.—Roadmender, him? Do you think they’ll let him stop so?’ ‘Certain sure,’ replies one of the cowardly milksops. ‘A road-mender’s job is for a long time.’

“Talk about idiots,” Marthereau growls.

“And they were all jealous, I don’t know why, of a chap called Bourin. Formerly he moved in the best Parisian circles. He lunched and dined in the city. He made eighteen calls a day, and fluttered about the drawing-rooms from afternoon tea till daybreak. He was indefatigable in leading cotillons, organizing festivities, swallowing theatrical shows, without counting the motoring parties, and all the lot running with champagne. Then the war came. So he’s no longer capable, the poor boy, of staying on the look-out a bit late at an embrasure, or of cutting wire. He must stay peacefully in the warm. And then, him, a Parisian, to go into the provinces and bury himself in the trenches! Never in this world! ‘I realize, too,’ replied an individual, ‘that at thirty-seven I’ve arrived at the age when I must take care of myself!’ And while the fellow was saying that, I was thinking of Dumont the gamekeeper, who was forty-two, and was done in close to me on Hill 132, so near that after he got the handful of bullets in his head, my body shook with the trembling of his.”

“And what were they like with you, these thieves?”

“To hell with me, it was, but they didn’t show it too much, only now and again when they couldn’t hold themselves in. They looked at me out of the corner of their eyes, and took damn good care not to touch me in passing, for I was still war-mucky.

“It disgusted me a bit to be in the middle of that heap of good-for-nothings, but I said to myself, ‘Come, it’s only for a bit, Firmin.’ There was just one time that I very near broke out with the itch, and that was when one of ‘em said, ‘Later, when we return, if we do return.’—NO! He had no right to say that. Sayings like that, before you let them out of your gob, you’ve got to earn them; it’s like a decoration. Let them get cushy jobs, if they like, but not play at being men in the open when they’ve damned well run away. And you hear ‘em discussing the battles, for they’re in closer touch than you with the big bugs and with the way the war’s managed; and afterwards, when you return, if you do return, it’s you that’ll be wrong in the middle of all that crowd of humbugs, with the poor little truth that you’ve got.

“Ah, that evening, I tell you, all those heads in the reek of the light, the foolery of those people enjoying life and profiting by peace! It was like a ballet at the theater or the make-believe of a magic lantern. There