All the beautiful daughters of Mara, Ashok Aatreya [black male authors .TXT] 📗

the another beautiful daughter of Mara, unfortunately could not be a clever adultress througout. She was not ready to lose him even in absentia and for that remained in continuous stress and developed sense of some fear.
His relation with the most charming damsel Divine remained throughout ‘coitus reservatus’…Both of them were deeply in need of each other and rubed, rubed and rubed skin, exchanged fantastic language, caresses but there was no orgasm between them…They winked, they blinked, they came close togather, they enjoyed most intimate moments shared emotions and intellect…walked long distances arm in arm, still remaining an easy piece of paper and not a certificate but…. Divine never remained jealous of Bhairvi’s position and always tried to keep a safe distance…Her mental and physical urge unfulfilled desires and high ambitions , rational behavior and accommodative life styles brought her in touch with lot many persons later and she also accepted Mr Charan her ultimate god-father with wom she developed physical relations also but Anand never entered into any sort of rivalry with her…she remained good friend of him throughout…even he had some sort of rivalry in the initial stage with Mr Charan, but after analyzing the situation,the ‘odiosamato’( Anand got this word from his Italian friend who worked in the Embassy) was also liked by him…atleast all three of them became mirrors of one another.
Anand remained partial husband of Bhairvi.There were countless minor differences between Anand and his wife Bhairvi. She was also an achievement of his vacuum days…She remained his friend philosopher and guide but left him in the middle of his journey…She gave him one dimond and one ruby…son and daughter…but their misfortune and misery separated them…took her far away…beyond and beyond their existence.She committed suicide …There was a pea of suspicion under ‘the princess twenty mattresses…and unfortunately that pea was a shadow…not reality…that pea was the tapestry of illusion…the black veil of destiny…Thagini (Cheater ) MAYA.
He started believing in Nietzsche : Fulfilment needs an abolition of inheritances….Joy has no need of heirs or of children, Joy want’s itself eternity. The fulfilled love has no need to transmit, to reproduce…In the Indian context Anand very well realized that there is no possible end of inheritance of any sort until one attain eternity!. As there is no end of material desires there is no way out for abolition of inheritance…Yayati remained unsatisfied even after indulging himself totally in his lustful designs for years…and that too to the extent, he managed to use the youthful years of his son for his own carnal desires. And then ultimately he realized, if all worldly pleasures are given to one man, and he is given the liberty to enjoy that in his many lives, he would not be free from his lust of life.
In the same light, The king saint Bhartrihari while discarding the total worldly pleasures wrote:Bhog na bhukta, vayamev bhukt…we have not enjoyed these worldly pleasures, rather the pleasures enjoyed us…since our desires did not come to halt…Anand also believed that in his own life he had seen no end to his worldly desires…that way he was always in the crucible of his unending desires…In this world too all bodies and all mind merge together in search of that game. They need no other language but the language of lust.
The assault and temptation of Mara’s apsaras hindered his progress of his possible future enlightenment as he could never defeat Mara of his times .Gautam could win over it without any Guru…by becoming his own torch.
But for a man of his background and born and brought up as a homo-rationalist but becoming in modern-day irrational man ....a. new breed of twentieth century…a journalist-artist-teacher turned politician… His journey through life as an individual as a husband, as lover or a man of lust and politician mixed with lot of other careers, a journey of a hunter, a journey of a pseudo- intellectual, a journey of a so called psycho-analyst and of so many other brands of persons he wanted to reach everywhere but could not reach anywhere.
He had been a passion seeking person throughout his past life, sometimes questioning the riddle of life, the dichotomy of good and evil, the bad and the strong shades of his life and his own people.In his passions he had become slave of unlimited desires and longings and that was nothing but hankering for material happiness…a sort of darkness followed by ignoring spirituality of life.It was a competitive rat-race ending in madness.and that way knowingly or un-knowingly he had closed the gates of illuminated knowledge.
He kept a safe distance, enjoyed every bit of the adversity... as a passenger of the road of life particularly sex. since he had realized by his hide and seek games, that all the roads go to that point of lot of returns, Anand lived and learned more in his early forty year (Gautam attained the Bodhisattva at the age of thirty five) than all of his life that the only path of ‘his salvation’ by contrast to the great Buddha, was his passionate involvement to life and not detachment. It was more of a outward journey and less inwardly ... As a matter of fact, Anand lived life more physically more rationally and less and less spiritually... yet his life was invincible and that way he was more close to Gautam and not Bhuddha…
Since he was a small creature with lot of carnal desires of this world and unable to attain the smallest part of status of Buddha, Anand had seen life with new outlook, he had undertaken this long journey by changing spirit by changing eyes of seeing this world, by changing ideas, by changing himself totally.But again and again the big army was before him …he was in the permanent stage of vishad yog of Arjun …no Krishna came to his rescue…he was definitely in war with himself what to say of other’s….Anand knew without proper direction he was always defeated in the struggle between good and evil…between wrong and right…between truth and error…between knowledge and ignorance…between light and darkness….the world around him was full of vicious designers,demons , in fear of losing face he admitted like Goethe… that we are our own demons, we expel ourselves from our paradise…really awful monsters but very few angels….furies,vampires,hobgoblins armed to the teeth and no one in mood to free him from the clutches…
Anand could very well imagine how Gautam might have encountered millions of frightful faces, their limbs like mammoth scorpions and serpents, their heads like blaze of fires…and how fire became his halo round his head.The fire or poison also changed into flowers …even the enchanting sixteen daughters of Mara could not lure him he remained calm and impatient…while in Anand’s life he had been attracted by smallest temptations and danced on his one foot whenever any celebrated lord of evil swing into action….as he had been thousands and thousands miles away from supreme enlightenment attained by Gautam who became Tathagat in the full moon day of month of Vaisakh.


61/TIME FOR TRUE CALLING

Anands was now passing through his midlife crisis. What a time of his true calling? For him there was no beginning, no middle and perhaps there should be no end in his life. Anand thought that in most of the cases people miss many trains of opportunities or fumbled on the way of reaching their destinations that leads to stagnation, a state in which an individual’s essential vitality sinks too low for further development. But if the crisis is confronted and resolved, it can lead to enormous gains in perspective and creativity. The greatest gain of all is ‘generatively’, which one western sociologist defines as a concern for and commitment to the next generation of mankind.” Anand very much agreed to this point of view of a western social scientist.
His whole life was a living example of how he had struggled hard in the middle age and survived to attain success in his life. For that entire he most the time even crossed the moral barriers of society… although often he had repented for that. Although in particular way thought about the existing boundaries between man and woman and strongly felt the need of questioning them, once such relations erected or exposed, they tend to persist as a constant provocation … may be it is better that way. For it is also a welcome gesture that a boundary offering challenge of its demolition. It is through the fissures in the boundaries that the process of change flows.
Anand thought in his middle age of life that now the limited time is left to live, he should change his perspective of life. His long affairs…. adolescent sex, adultery, beyond marriage and boundaries of sex class creed and colour, sex of any type had been the domain of Anand’s discovering mind. As an immature young guy earlier he was trying to penetrate the impenetrable.
He thought, who is there controlling and creating all this….and what is all this non-sense... is life really a tale told by an idiot..? If so for whom these stories are meant... who is the real taker of all this happening around them...good or bad. Is there is any reason behind all this or it’s just irrational. All these questions and no clear answer… where questioning is crystal clear... why not the answer... who is responsible for all this... who ultimately. Let’s perhaps wait... yes this is also one way to think of the answers or something else, whatever.
He remembered at this right juncture.., the case of a prostitute and an artist or poet-the dialog was interesting.
What can you do for me, if you really love me..?
'I can think', poet rightly said
What else you can do?
'I can compose poems.'
O.K, what Else?
I can fast..! .
Novelist Hermann Hesse was perhaps right to put the solution in his own way. As the nature of his character was different, Anand thought to place the world ‘wait’ instead of ‘fast’ as to his thoughts if one can wait, one can solve his many problems
Anand wanted to experience the real truth in his life as it was of no use in running behind abstract things or absolute ideas…!. That way perhaps he wanted to explore the rational, relationship between his body mind and soul.... it was not very easy. In once life time it was not possible... but he decided, he will make an effort in this direction... and the best way he thought for this realization was to leave his self free from all bindings and possible barriers of life.... again it was a difficult journey and he was not finding the real out-let.
He knew he made so many mistakes in life that even if he thinks about those, his whole life will pass. Life is not that easy as it is taken generally.
Then what was the way to know him? Then why to know all that, separately? Where to go for that search... Whom to meet or contact ..?.. When the time will come in his life or when he will be satisfied to some extent that he is travelling in the right direction is also not known to him.
Is there any need of a path finder in his life or he was himself the path finder.....! Was there any need for a Guru for "Self realization.....? or he was his own Guru (teacher) ... He knew, if he started his search, he would have to travel more and more inside of his own self.....!
That doesn't mean he should sit at one place and commit mistake and through mistakes know his life…as people mostly think .To him this was also not the right answer to his problems. He definitely needed some help... perhaps