Lady Susan, Jane Austen [best books to read in life txt] 📗

>I met her on the stairs, and saw that she was crying. “My dear aunt,” said

she, “he is going—Mr. De Courcy is going, and it is all my fault. I am

afraid you will be very angry with me. but indeed I had no idea it would

end so.” “My love,” I replied, “do not think it necessary to apologize to

me on that account. I shall feel myself under an obligation to anyone who

is the means of sending my brother home, because,” recollecting myself, “I

know my father wants very much to see him. But what is it you have done to

occasion all this?” She blushed deeply as she answered: “I was so unhappy

about Sir James that I could not help—I have done something very wrong, I

know; but you have not an idea of the misery I have been in: and mamma had

ordered me never to speak to you or my uncle about it, and—” “You

therefore spoke to my brother to engage his interference,” said I, to save

her the explanation. “No, but I wrote to him—I did indeed, I got up this

morning before it was light, and was two hours about it; and when my letter

was done I thought I never should have courage to give it. After breakfast

however, as I was going to my room, I met him in the passage, and then, as

I knew that everything must depend on that moment, I forced myself to give

it. He was so good as to take it immediately. I dared not look at him, and

ran away directly. I was in such a fright I could hardly breathe. My dear

aunt, you do not know how miserable I have been.” “Frederica” said I,

“you ought to have told me all your distresses. You would have found in me

a friend always ready to assist you. Do you think that your uncle or I

should not have espoused your cause as warmly as my brother?” “Indeed, I

did not doubt your kindness,” said she, colouring again, “but I thought Mr.

De Courcy could do anything with my mother; but I was mistaken: they have

had a dreadful quarrel about it, and he is going away. Mamma will never

forgive me, and I shall be worse off than ever.” “No, you shall not,” I

replied; “in such a point as this your mother’s prohibition ought not to

have prevented your speaking to me on the subject. She has no right to make

you unhappy, and she shall NOT do it. Your applying, however, to Reginald

can be productive only of good to all parties. I believe it is best as it

is. Depend upon it that you shall not be made unhappy any longer.” At that

moment how great was my astonishment at seeing Reginald come out of Lady

Susan’s dressing-room. My heart misgave me instantly. His confusion at

seeing me was very evident. Frederica immediately disappeared. “Are you

going?” I said; “you will find Mr. Vernon in his own room.” “No,

Catherine,” he replied, “I am not going. Will you let me speak to you a

moment?” We went into my room. “I find,” he continued, his confusion

increasing as he spoke, “that I have been acting with my usual foolish

impetuosity. I have entirely misunderstood Lady Susan, and was on the point

of leaving the house under a false impression of her conduct. There has

been some very great mistake; we have been all mistaken, I fancy. Frederica

does not know her mother. Lady Susan means nothing but her good, but she

will not make a friend of her. Lady Susan does not always know, therefore,

what will make her daughter happy. Besides, I could have no right to

interfere. Miss Vernon was mistaken in applying to me. In short, Catherine,

everything has gone wrong, but it is now all happily settled. Lady Susan, I

believe, wishes to speak to you about it, if you are at leisure.”

“Certainly,” I replied, deeply sighing at the recital of so lame a story. I

made no comments, however, for words would have been vain.

 

Reginald was glad to get away, and I went to Lady Susan, curious,

indeed, to hear her account of it. “Did I not tell you,” said she with a

smile, “that your brother would not leave us after all?” “You did, indeed,”

replied I very gravely; “but I flattered myself you would be mistaken.” “I

should not have hazarded such an opinion,” returned she, “if it had not at

that moment occurred to me that his resolution of going might be

occasioned by a conversation in which we had been this morning engaged, and

which had ended very much to his dissatisfaction, from our not rightly

understanding each other’s meaning. This idea struck me at the moment, and

I instantly determined that an accidental dispute, in which I might

probably be as much to blame as himself, should not deprive you of your

brother. If you remember, I left the room almost immediately. I was

resolved to lose no time in clearing up those mistakes as far as I could.

The case was this—Frederica had set herself violently against marrying Sir

James.” “And can your ladyship wonder that she should?” cried I with some

warmth; “Frederica has an excellent understanding, and Sir James has none.”

“I am at least very far from regretting it, my dear sister,” said she; “on

the contrary, I am grateful for so favourable a sign of my daughter’s

sense. Sir James is certainly below par (his boyish manners make him appear

worse); and had Frederica possessed the penetration and the abilities which

I could have wished in my daughter, or had I even known her to possess as

much as she does, I should not have been anxious for the match.” “It is odd

that you should alone be ignorant of your daughter’s sense!” “Frederica

never does justice to herself; her manners are shy and childish, and

besides she is afraid of me. During her poor father’s life she was a spoilt

child; the severity which it has since been necessary for me to show has

alienated her affection; neither has she any of that brilliancy of

intellect, that genius or vigour of mind which will force itself forward.”

“Say rather that she has been unfortunate in her education!” “Heaven knows,

my dearest Mrs. Vernon, how fully I am aware of that; but I would wish to

forget every circumstance that might throw blame on the memory of one whose

name is sacred with me.” Here she pretended to cry; I was out of patience

with her. “But what,” said I, “was your ladyship going to tell me about

your disagreement with my brother?” “It originated in an action of my

daughter’s, which equally marks her want of judgment and the unfortunate

dread of me I have been mentioning—she wrote to Mr. De Courcy.” “I know

she did; you had forbidden her speaking to Mr. Vernon or to me on the cause

of her distress; what could she do, therefore, but apply to my brother?”

“Good God!” she exclaimed, “what an opinion you must have of me! Can you

possibly suppose that I was aware of her unhappiness! that it was my object

to make my own child miserable, and that I had forbidden her speaking to

you on the subject from a fear of your interrupting the diabolical scheme?

Do you think me destitute of every honest, every natural feeling? Am I

capable of consigning HER to everlasting: misery whose welfare it is my

first earthly duty to promote? The idea is horrible!” “What, then, was your

intention when you insisted on her silence?” “Of what use, my dear sister,

could be any application to you, however the affair might stand? Why should

I subject you to entreaties which I refused to attend to myself? Neither

for your sake nor for hers, nor for my own, could such a thing be

desirable. When my own resolution was taken I could nor wish for the

interference, however friendly, of another person. I was mistaken, it is

true, but I believed myself right.” “But what was this mistake to which

your ladyship so often alludes! from whence arose so astonishing a

misconception of your daughter’s feelings! Did you not know that she

disliked Sir James?” “I knew that he was not absolutely the man she would

have chosen, but I was persuaded that her objections to him did not arise

from any perception of his deficiency. You must not question me, however,

my dear sister, too minutely on this point,” continued she, taking me

affectionately by the hand; “I honestly own that there is something to

conceal. Frederica makes me very unhappy! Her applying to Mr. De Courcy

hurt me particularly.” “What is it you mean to infer,” said I, “by this

appearance of mystery? If you think your daughter at all attached to

Reginald, her objecting to Sir James could not less deserve to be attended

to than if the cause of her objecting had been a consciousness of his folly;

and why should your ladyship, at any rate, quarrel with my brother for an

interference which, you must know, it is not in his nature to refuse when

urged in such a manner?”

 

“His disposition, you know, is warm, and he came to expostulate with me;

his compassion all alive for this ill-used girl, this heroine in distress!

We misunderstood each other: he believed me more to blame than I really

was; I considered his interference less excusable than I now find it. I

have a real regard for him, and was beyond expression mortified to find

it, as I thought, so ill bestowed We were both warm, and of course both to

blame. His resolution of leaving Churchhill is consistent with his general

eagerness. When I understood his intention, however, and at the same time

began to think that we had been perhaps equally mistaken in each other’s

meaning, I resolved to have an explanation before it was too late. For any

member of your family I must always feel a degree of affection, and I own

it would have sensibly hurt me if my acquaintance with Mr. De Courcy had

ended so gloomily. I have now only to say further, that as I am convinced

of Frederica’s having a reasonable dislike to Sir James, I shall instantly

inform him that he must give up all hope of her. I reproach myself for

having even, though innocently, made her unhappy on that score. She shall

have all the retribution in my power to make; if she value her own

happiness as much as I do, if she judge wisely, and command herself as she

ought, she may now be easy. Excuse me, my dearest sister, for thus

trespassing on your time, but I owe it to my own character; and after this

explanation I trust I am in no danger of sinking in your opinion.” I could

have said, “Not much, indeed!” but I left her almost in silence. It was

the greatest stretch of forbearance I could practise. I could not have

stopped myself had I begun. Her assurance! her deceit! but I will not allow

myself to dwell on them; they will strike you sufficiently. My heart

sickens within me. As soon as I was tolerably composed I returned to the

parlour. Sir James’s carriage was at the door, and he, merry as usual, soon

afterwards took his leave. How easily does her ladyship encourage or

dismiss a lover! In spite of this release, Frederica still looks unhappy:

still fearful, perhaps, of her mother’s anger; and though dreading my

brother’s departure, jealous, it may be, of his staying. I see how closely

she observes him and Lady Susan, poor girl! I have now no hope for her.

There is not a chance of her