Mother's Remedies, Thomas Jefferson Ritter [reading well .TXT] 📗

done this, he invites the other members of the party, first submitting his list to her approval. The usual number is six, three men and three women, or two men and four ladies. Two men may join forces to entertain a quartet of ladies, or more, and thus halve the expense. The carriage or taxicab is sent first to the residence of the chaperon; the host accompanies it or may meet it there. The other ladies are called for, the other men generally meet the carriages at the theatre. The host sits next the chaperon at the theatre and at the supper, placing her on his right.

If a supper is to follow, and it almost always does, the host has reserved a table at the hotel or cafe and has perhaps ordered flowers and a special menu in advance. He has also settled the account, so that he has only to cross the waiter's palm with silver at the conclusion of the repast, in acknowledgment of faultless service.

Cheaper Ways of Entertaining.—In summer there are cheaper ways in which a bachelor may payoff his social obligations. Most bachelors belong to clubs, where they may give luncheons or suppers. There are roof-gardens and outdoor vaudeville, open-air concerts, etc., that may be made pleasurable occasions. He may charter a yacht, in company with several friends, and entertain a dozen or half score ladies with a sailing party. At all these, however, he must provide a chaperon.

A very pleasant and informal way for a bachelor to entertain is to invite some of his more intimate women acquaintances to afternoon tea at his apartments. For this he writes personal notes or gives verbal invitations. He asks some married, lady to assist him, placing it in the light of a favor to himself. She must arrive early, and remain until the last guest has left. The host pays the chaperon special deference, asking her to pour the tea, and either escorting her home or ordering a carriage for her.

Elaborate refreshments are not necessary at such an affair. Sandwiches, cakes, tea, served in the American fashion or a la' Russe, are sufficient. The chaperon presides at the refreshment table. All things needed for the refreshment of the guests may be ordered from a caterer. If the affair is in the evening, chocolate and coffee may be served instead of tea, or cakes, coffee and ices.

The Bachelor's Chafing Dish.—If the circumstances of the bachelor permit, he may give a chafing-dish supper, presiding over the manufacture of a Welsh rarebit or lobster a la Newburg, making the coffee himself in a machine. This might take the place of the supper at a restaurant after the play. After such a supper, or a dinner in his rooms, the host escorts the ladies to their carriages, and accompanies the chaperon to her home.

If none of these methods of entertaining chance to be within the man's means—for many poor men of pleasing address are social favorites—he may fall back on the pretty compliment implied in sending flowers or bonbons, remembering that matrons as well as "buds" appreciate such attentions.

[766 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

In Village Society.—In small towns and in the country, the young man would ridicule the idea of having a chaperon along. He seldom considers the question of repaying social invitations, or paying calls after an entertainment. He should be careful to show courtesy to the host and hostess, to dance with the latter and her daughter at a dancing party, and may escort mother and daughter or the mother and some one of her friends, to a lecture or concert. Generally he ignores all claims of this character. But he should not.

Should He Offer His Arm?—A man seldom offers a woman his arm nowadays, unless she is so elderly or infirm that she needs the support. For a couple to walk arm in arm in daylight is decidedly provincial. For a man to take a woman's arm is a liberty not permissible unless she is a member of his family. He should offer his arm if holding an umbrella over her at night, on a poorly lighted street or a country road at night. A woman, unless very infirm or ill, should not walk arm-in-arm with a man in daylight.

The Outside of the Walk.—A man usually walks on a woman's right, in order to protect her if necessary, It looks absurd, however, for him to be dodging around her to keep on the outside of the walk unless some danger is to be encountered.

Minor Matters of Men's Etiquette.—A man should not carry a girl's parasol; he should however assume any parcel she may be carrying.

When a man escorts a woman to her home it is not correct for him to linger at the door. He should accompany her up the steps, ring the bell and wait until she is admitted. If the hour is at all late he should not enter, even though invited.

It is extremely bad form for a man to speak of a woman by her Christian name while talking to casual acquaintances. Though long acquaintance may sanction the familiarity at home, or among intimate friends, to all outsiders she should be Miss.

The custom of leaving the theatre between acts is inexcusable. If a man is escorting a lady, he is guilty of great rudeness if he leaves her,

Cards and Calls.—If calling on a lady who is visiting a person who is a stranger to him, he must ask for her hostess, sending up a card for her as well as for his friend. If calling with a lady, he should wait for her to give the signal for departure.

The man who attends an afternoon tea should leave a card for each lady mentioned in the invitation, and for the host, whether the latter was present or not. He must send the same number of cards if unable to be present, enclosing them all in an envelope which fits the cards, addressing it to the hostess, and mailing it so that it will be received on the day of the function. He must call upon his hostess within two weeks after an invitation to a dinner or ball.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 767]

In attending a tea or afternoon reception, the right-hand glove must be removed before entering the drawing room, as it is bad form to offer a gloved hand to one's hostess on such occasions.

If, when calling on a lady, another visitor arrives, the first comer must not attempt to "sit him out." He should make his adieux within a reasonable time after the second arrival, even though a friend in more intimate standing.

Bad Habits.—A man should carefully avoid mannerisms, such as twisting his mustache, fussing with his tie, fidgeting with some little article taken from a table, as a paper knife, etc. These awkwardnesses are the outcome of nervousness. He should strive at all times to be simple, at ease, and unconscious of himself. If he tries to "show off" he makes himself obnoxious.

Picking the teeth, chewing a toothpick, cleaning the finger nails in company, are gross violations of propriety.

The Car Fare Question.—A girl occasionally appeals to writers on social forms to find out when she should permit a man to pay her car fare. It is expected that he will pay for her if he is escorting her, and she should allow him to do so without comment. If they happen on the same car by chance she should pay her own fare. If the man anticipates her, handing the change to the conductor and saying "For two," she should thank him simply and let the matter pass. Really, it is not entirely good form for a man to pay a woman's fare under such circumstances, unless she has difficulty in finding her purse, or her change. Then he may say "Allow me" and pay for her. If she finds her money she may return the amount, and he should take it without protest.

THE ETIQUETTE OF DRESS.

"The best possible impression that you can make with your dress is to make no impression at all; but so to harmonize its material and shape with your personality that it becomes tributary in the general effect, and so exclusively tributary that people cannot tell after seeing you what kind of clothes you wear."—Holland.

MEN'S DRESS.

A man—lucky creature—is not expected to change his clothes as frequently as a woman must. He wears morning dress until dinner, unless he is to attend some afternoon function, like a wedding or a reception. Dinner is now almost universally at six or half after six o'clock. Before that hour, save in the exception noted above, he wears a business suit, a derby or "soft" hat, tan shoes if he prefers them, or laced calf-skin shoes with heavy soles. The coat may be sack or cutaway. Such an outfit is correct for traveling wear. A white shirt, or one of striped madras, is worn, with a white linen collar. The tie is usually a four-in-hand in some dark shade.

[768 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

The cutaway coat is correct for church wear. In summer it largely takes the place of the frock coat, which, with the silk hat, is usually "out of season," so to speak, from about the middle of May until about the same time in September. Straw or felt hats are worn.

Tweed flannel and cheviot suits are favorite summer wear for men, Flannel trousers, white with flannel shirt and leather belt, constitute the usual wear for tennis, golf, etc., and blue cheviot or serge for yachting.

Afternoon Wear.—For formal afternoon wear the double-breasted frock coat of black worsted, with waistcoat of the same or of white duck, is reserved, dark gray pin-stripe trousers are worn with it, patent leather shoes, gray gloves, silk hat and standing linen collar. The standing collar is for formal wear. This attire is suitable for all social affairs between noon and evening.

After dinner evening clothes—the "dress suit"—are worn. This has been fully described in the chapter on wedding etiquette, under the head of correct dress.

Incongruity in Dress.—A man must avoid incongruities in dress. Tan shoes are inadmissible with formal afternoon dress. They do not accompany a silk hat. A lawn tie is never worn save with evening clothes, nor a turn-down collar with them. Gloves should be inconspicuous. A man's hands encased in bright tan gloves make one think of sugar-cured hams.

The Tuxedo is a dinner coat, hence never seen before six o'clock; it must not be worn at a theatre party, or if a man escorts ladies. It may be worn in summer at informal dinners, and at summer hotels. Silk hat, white waistcoat, or white lawn tie are not correct wear with a Tuxedo.

APPROPRIATE DRESS FOR WOMEN.

The real beauty of dress resides in being suitably gowned. Suit the attire to the time and place. Fashion prescribes and regulates styles; etiquette settles the appropriate garb for the occasion. Every detail, from shoes to hat, should be harmonious and suited to the occasion and consequently to the hour of the day. But how many, many violations of this rule we see! Ostrich feathers worn with shirtwaists; low shoes on the street; dressy hats in the morning; jewels at breakfast—all inappropriate and unrelated!

The correct street wear in the morning in the winter is a tailored suit with medium sized hat in felt or beaver, walking shoes, and rather heavy gloves in glace kid. More elaborate suits or gowns in fine smooth cloth or velvet are worn at afternoon functions, for calling and receptions. One does not choose light or showy colors for these if she must walk or take a street car. Ostrich feathers can be worn on the velvet or satin hat that accompanies this costume, which is completed by patent leather shoes and white or pearl-gray gloves.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 769]

When Decollete Gowns are Worn.—High-necked and long-sleeved gowns are worn at every daytime function.

At balls, cotillions, formal dinners, evening parties, and in the large cities in opera boxes, decollete gowns may be worn.

No "nice" woman wears a low gown when dining at restaurant or hotel. The neck may be cut low, under a lace yoke, unlined, and the sleeves finished from the elbow with lace. Hats are worn.

One chooses a handsome velvet or other dressy material for a dinner dress, and wears with it her rarest jewels. Good taste and modesty forbid too lavish a display of shoulders. As a rule, in our average social life, the unlined lace yoke