To Duncan, With Love (A Letter to the Past), theclosetwriter [red white and royal blue hardcover TXT] 📗

My Dear Lord,

Remember that one Tuesday morning where we talked in the gardens of your castle? I still have vivid images in my mind of that morning. It was quite cold but the skies were a perfect blue. The castle’s surrounding was duller since it was only a few days after your father’s passing. It was depressing to stay cooped up in my chambers, so I decided to walk to the gardens, the only place where I found myself smiling for some unknown reasons.

It was not my intention to intrude. I didn’t even see you there, to tell you the truth. True, I sometimes act just to annoy you. I love seeing the anger in your eyes. The moment I realized you were sitting there among the bushes, I tried to walk away hoping to give you space. But of course, you saw me right before my departure. You looked devastated. Stubbles were slowly gracing your usually clean strong jaw. This is the truth: I thought my heart sunk then. I knew you were feeling guilty and that bright twinkles in your eyes were also gone. I thought I was going to sit there and cry with you.

You looked up at me with that dark gray eyes of yours and I felt helpless. I did not know what to do, how to help you and worst of all, what word should I say to you. I was never one with the best speech, you know. And I was sorry for my lacking.

Do you remember what did you do after that? Yes, you held out your hand, waiting for me to put my hand in yours I supposed. Once again I am sorry I was slow in the emotional common sense aspect. I heard your sigh as I stared blankly at your hand. I was glad that you went and grabbed my hand for I would not know how long would I stay there staring at your big hand. And then you put your hand on my shoulder, held me closer to you. I was shocked to say the least. To think that we were- might I as well put it as- enemies. We sat there in silence, both looking everywhere but at each other.

You asked me then, “Are ye still alone?”

Your question was confusing. And then you went on to tell me that you have never thought about marriage, never even thought of tying yourself to a girl. You then asked another question, ‘Do ye like Calan?’ and I stifled a laugh. You looked annoyed that my laugh became apparent.

You sighed again after sometime. I was eyeing you, you know. I was watching your every move, as creepy as that sounded. You dropped your hand off of my shoulder and ran a hand through that beautiful dark hair of yours that I loved so much. You looked at me then, eyes as dark as before, I could see the loneliness in those dark pools of yours. We sat there, staring at each other. And suddenly, you mumbled under your breath, got up and walked away, leaving me there all alone.

I did not have the chance to answer your question, did I?

Truth is, I was already in love with someone. And no, I was not in love with Calan. Do you know that I already have a lover? Someone that I loved too much that I had to hide my feelings. No, he was not from my time. You know him too, too well I’m afraid. He lacked in too many things; mannerisms, expressions and most of all, he lacked feelings. His imperfections made him perfect for me. He was tall, dark and also dangerous. I could imagine you calling me ‘daft’ for falling in love with this someone. I could see you demanding to meet him, to appraise him yourself but I am so deeply sorry, but only I could see him. His name would never escape my lips, I’m afraid.

And after all these years, after these seven whole years since I made that decision that separates us, I have never told a soul. No one my darling, no one knows that the person is you. No one knows. No one but me.

Yours truly,
Ashley Richardson.

Publication Date: 07-21-2011

All Rights Reserved