Nonsense Songs, Edward Lear [read this if .txt] 📗
- Author: Edward Lear
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Stories, Botany, and Alphabets. By Edward Lear.
With One Hundred and Fifty Illustrations.
1894Originally published 1871.
1894 Cover
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The Owl and the Pussy-Cat The Duck and the Kangaroo The Daddy Long-Legs and the Fly The Jumblies The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-Tongs Calico Pie Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs The Table And The Chair
THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.
I.
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat: They took some honey, and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note. The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar, "O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are, You are, You are! What a beautiful Pussy you are!"
II.
Pussy said to the Owl, "You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet you sing! Oh! let us be married; too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?" They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the bong-tree grows; And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose, His nose, His nose, With a ring at the end of his nose.
III.
"Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?" Said the Piggy, "I will." So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon; And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon, The moon, The moon, They danced by the light of the moon.
THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.
I.
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,
"Good gracious! how you hop Over the fields, and the water too,
As if you never would stop! My life is a bore in this nasty pond;
And I long to go out in the world beyond:
I wish I could hop like you," Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.
II.
"Please give me a ride on your back,"
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo: "I would sit quite still, and say nothing but 'Quack'
The whole of the long day through; And we 'd go the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,
Over the land, and over the sea:
Please take me a ride! oh, do!" Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.
III.
Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
"This requires some little reflection. Perhaps, on the whole, it might bring me luck;
And there seems but one objection; Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold,
Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,
And would probably give me the roo- Matiz," said the Kangaroo.
IV.
Said the Duck, "As I sate on the rocks,
I have thought over that completely; And I bought four pairs of worsted socks,
Which fit my web-feet neatly; And, to keep out the cold, I've bought a cloak;
And every day a cigar I'll smoke;
All to follow my own dear true Love of a Kangaroo."
V.
Said the Kangaroo, "I'm ready,
All in the moonlight pale; But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady,
And quite at the end of my tail."
So away they went with a hop and a bound;
And they hopped the whole world three times round.
And who so happy, oh! who, As the Duck and the Kangaroo?
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.
I.
Once Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
Dressed in brown and gray, Walked about upon the sands
Upon a summer's day: And there among the pebbles,
When the wind was rather cold, He met with Mr. Floppy Fly,
All dressed in blue and gold; And, as it was too soon to dine,
They drank some periwinkle-wine,
And played an hour or two, or more,
At battlecock and shuttledore.
II.
Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs
To Mr. Floppy Fly, "Why do you never come to court?
I wish you 'd tell me why. All gold and shine, in dress so fine,
You'd quite delight the court. Why do you never go at all?
I really think you ought. And, if you went, you'd see such sights!
Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights!
And, more than all, the king and queen,—
One in red, and one in green."
III.
"O Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
Said Mr. Floppy Fly, "It's true I never go to court;
And I will tell you why. If I had six long legs like yours,
At once I'd go to court; But, oh! I can't, because my legs
Are so extremely short. And I'm afraid the king and queen
(One in red, and one in green)
Would say aloud, 'You are not fit,
You Fly, to come to court a bit!'"
IV.
"Oh, Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
Said Mr. Floppy Fly, "I wish you 'd sing one little song,
One mumbian melody. You used to sing so awful well
In former days gone by; But now you never sing at all:
I wish you'd tell me why: For, if you would, the silvery sound
Would please the shrimps and cockles round,
And all the crabs would gladly come
To hear you sing, 'Ah, Hum di Hum!'"
V.
Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
"I can never sing again; And, if you wish, I'll tell you why,
Although it gives me pain. For years I cannot hum a bit,
Or sing the smallest song; And this the dreadful reason is,—
My legs are grown too long! My six long legs, all here and there,
Oppress my bosom with despair;
And, if I stand or lie or sit,
I cannot sing one single bit!"
VI.
So Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly Sat down in silence by the sea,
And gazed upon the sky. They said, "This is a dreadful thing!
The world has all gone wrong, Since one has legs too short by half,
The other much too long. One never more can go to court,
Because his legs have grown too short;
The other cannot sing a song,
Because his legs have grown too long!"
VII.
Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly Rushed downward to the foamy sea
With one sponge-taneous cry: And there they found a little boat,
Whose sails were pink and gray; And off they sailed among the waves,
Far and far away: They sailed across the silent main,
And reached the great Gromboolian Plain;
And there they play forevermore
At battlecock and shuttledore.
THE JUMBLIES.
I.
They went to sea in a sieve, they did;
In a sieve they went to sea: In spite of all their friends could say,
On a winter's morn, on a stormy day,
In a sieve they went to sea. And when the sieve turned round and round,
And every one cried, "You'll all be drowned!"
They called aloud, "Our sieve ain't big;
But we don't care a button, we don't care a fig:
In a sieve we'll go to sea!" Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue And they went to sea in a sieve.
II.
They sailed away in a sieve, they did,
In a sieve they sailed so fast, With only a beautiful pea-green veil
Tied with a ribbon, by way of a sail,
To a small tobacco-pipe mast. And every one said who saw them go,
"Oh! won't they be soon upset, you know?
For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long;
And, happen what may, it's extremely wrong
In a sieve to sail so fast." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.
III.
The water it soon came in, it did;
The water it soon came in: So, to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet
In a pinky paper all folded neat;
And they fastened it down with a pin. And they passed the night in a crockery-jar;
And each of them said, "How wise we are!
Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long,
Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong,
While round in our sieve we spin." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.
IV.
And all night long they sailed away;
And when the sun went down, They whistled and warbled a moony song
To the echoing sound of a coppery gong,
In the shade of the mountains brown. "O Timballoo! How happy we are
When we live in a sieve and a crockery-jar!
And all night long, in the moonlight pale,
We sail away with a pea-green sail
In the shade of the mountains brown." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.
V.
They sailed to the Western Sea, they did,—
To a land all covered with trees: And they bought an owl, and a useful cart,
And a pound of rice, and a cranberry-tart,
And a hive of silvery bees; And they bought a pig, and some green jackdaws,
And a lovely monkey with lollipop paws,
And forty bottles of ring-bo-ree,
And no end of Stilton cheese. Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.
VI.
And in twenty years they all came back,—
In twenty years or more; And every one said, "How tall they've grown!
For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible
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