My jokes, Jazz Paddock [books that read to you .txt] 📗

My some-what subtle jokes:

Okay, these make me laugh. I make up my own jokes… My ADHD makes me see the funny side of all of them. I will understand if you don’t get them. I made all of these jokes. I have not told them to anybody yet though. Most of you will probably read this without even cracking a smile. Oh, some of the jokes (the ones with *’s next to them) are inappropriate. Not advised for prudes. And yes, I just said prudes.


What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger huh? Hmmmm… I MUST BE STRONGER THAN HERCULES THEN!! HA!! Suckers.

*A writer without a pen (or anything to write with really) is like an (guys look away for this one)eighty year old guy that has never had a boner… It just isn’t possible. (no offense meant to anyone reading this. It just popped into my head. I didn’t want it to stay there and grow into a nasty beast.)

*A writer without a pen is like a (girls look away for this one) hooker that is a virgin… It just doesn’t happen. (again, no offense meant)

A teacher walks into the wall and then starts screaming at a kid who watched them walk into the wall, blaming them for making them walk into the wall. Then the teacher walks into another wall.

Okay, you need to have seen Harry Potter or know who Professor Snape, “Lord” Voldemort and Quirrel are for the next three jokes. You also need to know what a Howler is. And yes, two of them are slightly repetitive… but that is what makes it so funny.
And no, this is not meant to insult the Harry Potter series. That is one of my favorite book and movie series. Don’t take offense. They are just jokes that popped into my head and refused to go away.

Snape stalks away with his cape swishing behind him… an ominous air surrounding him… And runs into a wall. (just imagine Snape when he is in a more foul mood than usual… Now imagine how he would look running into the wall.)

Now, let us go to the graveyard scene in the fourth movie with Harry pinned to the statue and Voldemort touching Harry’s forehead… now, imagine Voldemort walking away… and tripping over one of the gravestones and falling flat on his face. Now, imagine him getting up, brushing himself off, then running into one of the statues. If you didn’t laugh, your imagination is very lacking… or you don’t know who Voldemort is… You know, creepy guy… kills people… has a pet basilisk (really just a large snake.)… looks a lot like a snake himself… killed Harry’s parents… wants to rule the world… is an idiot… is evil… will rot in the fiery pits of Hell (or as in the Inferno, the ice cold pits of Hell.) … probably eats young children for breakfast… not wanted by any woman… COME ON!! THIS IS JUSTICE AT ITS FINEST POINT AND YOU DON’T EVEN GET IT!! I give up on you. You have no imagination… or sense of humor.

Now, back to the first movie… Quirrel is in front of the mirror saying that he sees what he most desires…. When a hand reaches through the mirror… AND SOCKS HIM IN THE FACE!! HA!! Couldn’t resist that one. Always wanted that to happen. Whose hand is it you ask? Simple. Your moms. Just kidding. Its his mom’s hand that punches him in the face. Oh, and a Howler (see the second movie… it’s the letter sent to Ron from his mom… you know, the one that screams at him in his mother’s voice) pops out of the mirror, and promptly starts telling Quirrel off.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! *runs away screaming something about “blah blah monsters”*
Meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep
Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
Squeal squeal squeal squeal squeal squeal squeal squeal squeal squeal squeal
I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW. Bored I guess.


That is all for now. If none of those made you laugh, then you don’t have the sense of humor I do… which makes sense. My sense of humor has emotionally scarred many people… By the terribleness of the jokes… no seriously. You can almost SEE those scars they are so bad. Shame on me. Anywho… CHOW FOR NOW!!! I’ll put more up later… now, comment if I either made you laugh, or I scarred you for life. I will consider the scarring as a personal victory on that part… lol.
CHOW!! (for now)

Publication Date: 01-19-2012

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