Sir Percival, Susan H Trought [best classic romance novels .txt] 📗

Sir Percival Peregrine Pilkington Pork
Was the fattest and meanest pig in New York
He was chauffeured all round in a mud coloured Chevy
With reinforced springs ’cos he was so heavy.
He sat in the back with his snout in the air
And thought about how he could save on bus fare.

While strolling through Central Park one time
[Well he knew it was cheap – didn’t cost a dime!]
He thought he would walk home via Tiffany’s store
It was bound to be shut so he could easily ignore
The temptation to spend even a cent -
The thought made him shiver and shake as he went.

Two piglets nudged one another on the sidewalk
And giggled, ‘There goes mean old Sir P.Pork!’
‘Clear off!’ he grunted. ‘Get out of my way!
I’ve had the most disastrous day!
I’ve had to spend a dollar and a quarter
On sending flowers to my mother’s daughter.’
‘That’s your sister surely,’ the piglets replied
‘She’s no sister of mine,’ grunted Pork with a sigh.
‘She spends every single cent that she gets
And I have heard that she sometimes even bets!’
He closed his eyes tight, like a very sick fella.
He was glad that his cash was locked in the cellar.

He came to Tiffany’s store and he spied
A very plump pink pig posing inside.
He stood there and watched though he knew it was shut.
She was trying on jewellery as sweet as a nut.
‘She must be rich,’ he thought with a sigh
’Cos Tiffany’s wouldn’t just let anyone buy
On their own in the store with no-one else there.
I must find out her name without giving a scare.’

He stood in the doorway for what seemed like years
When suddenly there she was in floods of tears.
‘Whatever’s the matter, my dear?’ he said.
‘It’s nothing,’ she mumbled and hung her head.
‘We can’t have a young porker like you in a state,’
Said Pork and boldly asked for a date.
‘I’ll walk you home if you like,’ he snorted.
But then his plans were almost thwarted.
‘It’s all right,’ she sniffed and fluttered her eyes.
‘It would take you out of your way I surmise.’

For once, and to this day Pork doesn’t know why,
‘I’ll get you a cab!’ he heard himself cry.
First he went hot and then he went cold
Never before had he been so bold.
‘Where do you live?’ he asked with a gulp.
The thought of the fare mashed his stomach to pulp.
‘It’s not far,’ she squealed. ‘It’s really quite near.
You’re not mean like they say, Sir Percival, dear!’
She took hold of his arm and his heart felt a stab
As she looked into his eyes as she got in the cab.

They rode home in style, though he thought it was miles,
But he was rewarded by one of her dazzling smiles.
‘We’re here!’ she squealed and made for the door.
The apartment was huge so she sure wasn’t poor!
Sir Percival looked round with a smirk on his face
If he played his cards right he could be boss of this place.
‘Tell me, my dear,’ he began to say
‘Is it possible that you’ll see me another day?’
‘Oooh, Percy!’ she squealed and shook with delight.
‘I’d love to see you at the theatre one night!’

And so it began the romance of the year
No-one could believe what they would hear.
Sir Percival Peregrine Pilkington Pork
Was splashing his money all over New York.
They were married in June and she wore pale blue
Sir Percy said that they would do well he just knew
If only he could look round her place
They could sort out the thing to take to his base.
‘You silly old Percy!’ she laughed. ‘I’m afraid
I don’t really live there. I’m the maid!’

Sir Percy could not believe his ears
He’d never felt so silly in years.
‘But you were in Tiffany’s trying on rings...’
‘Yes,’ she giggled, ‘But they weren’t my things!
My mistress Madame Emmeline Grunt
Had gone out the back and left me in the front.
I thought I would see what they looked like on me
And they really looked great as I know you agree!’
Sir Percival stared at his wife in despair
He’d not married the mistress – just the au pair!

Now when Sir Percy rides round old New York
The people all point singing, ‘There goes old Pork!
His wife knows how to spend every dollar!’
But he has never been known to holler.
He’s accepted it all with a philosophical air
’Cos he’s in love with Gardenia, the piggy au pair.

Publication Date: 02-07-2011

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
To my children and grandchildren with love