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you can’t control when these things happen. It would be more convenient if you found a way to control the hallucinations. When you had them, who they were of, you know. That type of thing.” I nod, and he comes over and wraps his arms around my shoulders.
“I wonder what Collin’s doing right now.” He appears at the foot of my bed.
“I’m thinking of you, Penny. Your perfect blue eyes and your wonderful, soft lips. I’m missing you like crazy, and I can’t wait to fall asleep so I can dream. Dream of you, me, and the life we could have had together.” He walks over to the side of my bed. “I’m thinking about Mathew, and praying that he takes good care of you while I can’t. And finally, I’m thinking of Belle, and wishing with everything I have that I get to meet her someday.” He reaches for me, but dissolves into nothing before his skin can meet mine.
Mathew is still looking at me, waiting to hear an explanation. I tell him not to worry about anything, that this hallucination wasn’t bad. Actually,

I think, it was quite wonderful.


For the rest of the day, I just relax. When it’s time for dinner, I walk with Mathew and we sit with Sarah while we eat. We make small talk, most of it revolving around my pregnancy. Every once in a while. Someone from a different table comes over to see how I’m doing.
It’s a little strange to be approached by strangers, but in the past couple months, it’s become routine. Even though it happens every day, I’m still not used to it, and I probably won’t ever be.
After dinner, we all walk back to the room. There’s a doctor there when we arrive, and he looks at me.
“One last place to go before you can go to bed,” he says, but he seems to be talking more to himself than to me. I notice dark circles under his eyes, and he carried himself as if he’s been up for days without sleep. “We have to go to the warden’s office. He just wants to see how you’re doing.” I nod, and then follow him through the halls.
Instead of leading me to a room on the sixth floor, he leads me to the elevator. We load in and I watch the numbers as they are illuminated, indicating which floor we are at. The light brightens up the button that says “ground floor” and the doors open.
We step out into a small room with three or four Vipero sitting at a table. They stand as we walk by, but don’t say a word. As we walk down the halls, the Vipero stop their conversations and stand. It seems strange to me, but the doctor doesn’t think anything of it.
Finally, we arrive at a door that has a large “W” on it. The doctor knocks twice, stops, then twice again. The door swings open to reveal the warden.
“Ah. Meagan. So good to see you. Come, come in, please. I just have a few things to tell you, and then you can make your way back to your room and go to bed.” I step in, but notice that the warden shuts the door in the doctor’s face.
“Have a seat, please,” he says. “First, you will probably be interested to know that tomorrow, we’ll have an ultrasound and figure out if you and Mathew will have a girl or a boy.”
“Well, sir, that’s kind of unnecessary. I already know that it’s a girl.” I smile. “I’m going to name her Belle.”
He lets out a small laugh. “Well, Meagan, I know you might be hoping that it’s a girl, but doesn’t always work like that. It was discovered many, many years ago that it is the male’s sperm cell that determines the sex of the child.”
I shake my head. “No, sir. I know that I’m carrying a girl. I just know. I can’t be wrong. I can’t.” I think about what I would do if I find out that I’m wrong, and the baby really isn’t a girl. I wouldn’t have any idea what to name him.
He laughs again, and then his voice becomes harsh. “Do not argue with me, Meagan. You have been wrong in the past, and you could very possibly be wrong today.”
“I’ll make you a deal, then,” I try. “If it’s a girl, I get to see Collin. If it’s a bo-“
“No,” he interrupts. “You don’t get to see Collin anymore. He’s gone, so you might as well forget about him.” I hang my head in disappointment, but I know that begging would be pointless. “Let’s move on,” he says. “How have you been feeling?”
“The morning sickness is gone, but I still feel kind of weak sometimes. If I’m too busy during the day, I get weak and dizzy. I don’t know if this is common for pregnancies, or if it’s because, in that first week, my body went through so much wear and tear. And it really hasn’t had a break since then, since it’s been focusing on keeping this baby alive.” He nods, and I notice that he doesn’t have a notebook or any paper at all. Even though I’m probably wrong, I get the feeling that, since he isn’t recording the conversation on paper, he won’t have to file a report or give the results. It makes sense, though, since he’s the warden, and he tells the doctors and scientists what to do. Why would he have to report back to them?
“That’s good. Your body is still probably exhausted and run down, and you probably won’t get a chance to rest again until after the baby is sleeping soundly at night and doesn’t need constant attention. When my wife was pregnant, I didn’t think she’d ever get rested. It didn’t happen until after my son was three years old. Even with all the help that I tried to give her, she just couldn’t catch up.”
I close my eyes. I do not

want to think about how long it will be before my body goes back to normal. I don’t even want to think about what will happen to my body in the next few months.
“Before you go, I want to congratulate you, Meagan,” he says. “You’ve made it along nicely in this pregnancy. Unfortunately, I won’t be around when you have your baby, as I leave next month. My four years as warden here are up. I only hope that the new warden treats you as well as I have.” He goes on about all that he’s accomplished, but I tune him out. I really don’t agree that he’s been very kind to me, or to anyone else here, but I figure that it’s best to say nothing.
“Alright. I should let you get back to your room. You’ve had a long day.” He moved to the door, but doesn’t take his eyes off me. “Are there any questions you have?”
I start to say that I don’t, but then I think of one. “Actually, yes. When we were walking here, I noticed that all the Vipero would stop and stand as we walked by. Why is that?”
“It is simply an issue of status. Although they are employees of the Academy and they have authority over you, their status here is lower than yours. They have been trained to stop their conversations and stand in the presence of an Azuli or another employee of higher status on official business.” I nod, but I still don’t really understand. When they are on one of the residential floors, we are supposed to be respectful to them. Why is it that no one can relax on their own territory?
“Is that all?” I nod. “I trust that you’ll be able to find your way on your own.” When the door is open, I see that the doctor has left. Although I’m not positive that I’ll make it back alone, I nod in reply.
He shuts the door behind me and I walk down the long, silent hallway. At the end, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to turn left or right, so I just wait for someone to come by so I can ask them.
I hear his whistle before I see him, and when he sees me, he stops in his tracks. The musical sound stops as well. We look at each other for a few moments, and finally, he speaks. “What do you need?” he asks me.
“I need help getting to the elevator, so I can go to Floor 6. Can you walk with me there?” He nods, and then turns around. We walk through the hallways without a word. As we pass other Vipero, they nod in greeting to my escort, but say nothing to me.
When we get to the small room outside the elevator, the guard leaves without a word. The room is empty of people, but I see a clipboard and lab coat lying on the table.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I grab the lab coat and clip board, and then step into the elevator. I am alone, just as I thought I would be. I find the buttons controlling what floor I go to, but I don’t press the one labeled “6”. I know that I won’t get another chance to be in an elevator by myself again. Gathering my courage, I press the button for Floor 1 and wait.

Chapter 3




The elevator ascends slowly, and it jolts a little when it reaches Floor 1. The door opens to a landing in a flight of stairs. For the Azuli, the stairs are the main way of transportation from their floor to the cafeteria or Floor 6. Since I am an Azulate, I know this landing well. I’ve been here a million times, and I know that to my right are the stairs leading up to the cafeteria. To my left is the door leading to Floor 1.
I turn left and push open the door. The lab coat will give the impression that I actually have a purpose here. Since they reconstructed my face, no one will recognize me. I don’t have the birthmark or the blue eyes to label me as an Azulate. I smile as I walk through the hall, and I stop at the room that Carl and I shared for those three nights. The door is open, and there’s a girl sitting on the bed, listening to Carl ramble from his chair at the table. I say nothing, because I want to know. Is this Carl’s new wife? Or is she a friend? Has she filled my place in Carl’s aching, twisted heart?
I discover that she is definitely not just a friend when he gets off his chair and walks to the bed. Slowly, gingerly, he grabs her chin in his hand and tips her face upward for a second before bringing his lips down to hers. They kiss in a way that Carl and I have

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