Broken, Crimson Rose [adult books to read TXT] 📗

business much today, eh?' his eyes half opened and his head  being carried by his arm, he answered 'Oh, tell me about it!'. This session was going to be different. It was him to complain, and me to listen. 'So, or did you get attacked by a psycho?' it's funny talking about psychos since I'm a psycho myself. That's what my mom called me when I got her extremely angry, and when I told my therapist before, he told me to never, but ever to think of my self as a psycho again. He told me I was special, not psycho. He chuckled to my question. 'You've got no idea, one of my old patients decided on sewing me out of the blue...' wow, who could ever do such a thing to such a great man? When I asked why, he answered 'Money.' as if he's the last person they could find to get money from. But that wasn't my question, my question was 'What's their excuse?'. Now I see why he never talks about that punk kid to me, because they were accusing him for using the patients situation in a book he wrote. 'I didn't know you had a book!' he passed me a handbook, covered with red leather. 'Open up page 74, read it out loud.' so I did ' "Attempts of Suicide: as for 5percent of every suicide attempt is successful, there is really a way out. Suicide is a cause of severe depression. If the person is having complos of suicide, heavy medication and strong support from family and close ones are recommended..." what has this got to do with anything?' he sighs 'That patient had had a suicide attemp, actually three. If you read on I give examples, but I didn't give out any names, and I didn't go too specific. So basically its legal. Obviously this patient doesn't know this...' it's good to listen to problems of other people, it makes you forget your own.


16th of May

Since today is a Saturday, my plan was to sleep, then go to the subway for the first time to play the violin. Guess what, things didn't go the way they were planned...well, exactly... It was 8am when I heard a tock. I ignored it (believe me, I'm good at ignoring things) but then came another tock, and another. I realized it was coming from my window, someone was throwing rocks, trying to wake me up. That someone was Dean.  I got downstairs with my robe on, since I sleep in my underwear. 'Come in, I'll prepare some coffee.'  I made a quick coffee since I wanted to hear what he has to say. 'So, why in the world would you weak up a psycho that loves knives early on a saturday?' he was the only person except my therapist who I could be sarcastic with. 'Questions, questions...' was he drunk? 'You didn't finish the story!' what does he mean I didn't finish the story? So he spit it out 'Your dad, you told me this early in the morning to late in the night thing has been going on since you were 8. What about before you were 8?' he had been obviously giving a lot of thought on this, but honestly, I don't remember. Really, what about before? I don't know. I needed to think, so I told him I was gonna get dressed and I would answer on our way to the subway. It took a long time for me to get dressed, on purpose, so I had time to think. But even when I had my vintage boots on, my violin ready in hand I didn't have an answer. We started to walk, and I tried to change the subject, but he was stubborn. So I went on saying 'Look, I don't remember. I guess he gave me piggy back rides and kissed me goodnight, but I'm not sure.'. He said in an exasperated voice 'Oh come on, you can't remember seven years ago?' no Dean, I remember, but I'm not gonna tell you that.


18th of May

Today I decided to call my dad. No, not to tell him I miss him, but to make...things straight. I tried his phone number, the one I had. Of course it was out of order. I wasn't expecting this though. So I went up to my mom 'I've gotta call my dad.' my mom looked at me unbelievingly. 'Today we are going to the court to make the divorcement official.' so was she telling me to come along with her? 'So you're telling me to come with you?' of course she wasn't. 'No honey, I'm just saying if you want to talk about money business and things like that, today the judge will do that for us.' she didn't want me to talk to him, but after all I was his daughter and had every right to talk to him 'Mom, I said I wanted to talk to him.' she snapped back at me 'No, and thats that.'. What?! I'm not allowed to? So she went, and I stayed. I was supposed to go to school, but I had business to do. I went over the papers on the table. Some things from the lawyer, this and that I had no idea what it was. Then I dug in the drawers of the kitchen. Some drawings I did when I was in preschool. Some old bills, then...bingo! A paper with a bunch of arrows and numbers. Then beneath all, a number marked with yellow highlighter.  I stuck it in my pocket, then grabbed my bag to go to school. Then I thought, why should I go to school whole I need money and there is no point at going? So I took my violin, and earned 20 bucks across the shopping mall.
My mom had come home, no emotion, nor anger, sadness or joy in her face. I can't even remember the last time I saw joy in her. She started cooking the rice, and broccoli I bought with part of the money. I went to my room, and got our phone. This is how it went:
'Hello?'
'Dad'
...silence on the other end
'I'm just gonna ask some questions...'
'Ok, but make it quick.'
'Ummm, we don't have money...so I work. So odes my mom. I think she told you that...'
'Yes she did.'
'I was just thinking...'
'Look Rebecca, I have a family. Your mother is a grown woman. I still pay for your school expenses, your health insurance and I gave a good amount of money to your mother in the court today. So don't bother me anymore, and I won't bother you either, so goodnight.'
I felt a tear on my cheek. And I whispered 'Goodnight.'


20th of May

We have been assigned for a project in groups, and I am in the group with two of the girls who has betrayed me, and a boy who was and I guess still is Dean's friend. The homework is due on Friday. I no longer talk to them, so they arranged the plans, without even asking me. So we were going to meet over Tiffany's after school. Two girls walked in front, me and Deans friend Lucas walked behind. I felt pretty awkward. 'So, are the rumors true?' what rumors? What was I expecting, even the most innocent kiss goes all around. 'No. We just did it. He didn't rape me or anything.' he shook his head 'Dean is a nice guy, I knew he wouldn't do such a thing.' oh Lucas, even my dad has done...a mistake. Anyone can do anything. My mind went onto the punk boy. 'Have you guys talked since?' no, the question should have been "Did he say anything about me?", to my surprise, he said no. Hasn't he practically ran away on the day he walked me to school? Why was he avoiding his friends? Was I his only friend now? I know he is to me. The silence went on. When we reached Tiffany's house, we formed up in front of her computer. I looked out of the window. When someone called my name three hours had already passed, just in a snap. 'We are almost done. Well, since you've done absolutely nothing, we, at least I, don't expect you to do anything else. You don't need to come tomorrow.' this is why I hate Tiffany except she told me over to the counselor. But I didn't fight, after all tomorrow I had my session with my therapist. This way I wouldn't have to give excuses. So I got up, and left.


22nd of May

'Called my dad.' he looked at me first, then noted that 'He told me to leave him alone, has another family.'. 'Were those the exact words he used?' my therapists has an issue with if things I say are the exact words, like once when I said my friend had said I was desperate he asked me if those were the exact words she used, and actually no, they weren't. She actually told me I needed help, well, after that she told me over to the counselor anyways. I nodded, but couldn't hold myself from asking 'Why are you so curious with exact words?' he looked at me, shook his head side to side 'Well, because you might take it as another way. You know, incase there is a misunderstanding. Honey, that's my job, making uncertain things certain.'. That makes sense, and I guess that's one of my problems, taking things totally different. But then people should just say the things directly, why make things harder to understand? 'Becca?' I had been driven away with my ideas...I guess. 'Becca, does this happen a lot?' does what happen a lot? 'Do you fall into thoughts and...' I conclude his sentence '...and don't realize how the time passes? Yes.' I told him about what happened the day before. Three hours just went by in seconds. 'Look at me, our time is up, and I haven't been interrupting, but you've been thinking for fifteen minutes. Becca, be honest with me, do you take your medication?' I don't answer. 'Thought so, okay, you can leave.' he's trying to help me, and I turn it away. But what's there to do? As I said before, I would much rather feel pain than feel nothing. And right now I feel pain since I make this poor man, really trying to help me, struggle.


24th of May

I'm grounded. Very seldom do I get grounded, since my behavior is assumed caused by my issues, but this is different. My dad and mom still have to talk on the phone, to manage some things that I'm not allowed to interfere in. In one of those phone calls my dad mentioned about our small talk. My mom went furious. I don't know why she is so against me to talk to him, but I guess it's because when I do, he hurts me. She doesn't want me to know about his other life, which I wish I never knew about. When he said a family, I wonder if it includes children... Maybe a daughter, but a normal one. One that goes to school, gets good grades, has a living animal, normal friends that  take her out to innocent dinners and pajama parties, and a perfect boy friend. The absolute opposite of me. I wonder if we were his first or if they are his first family... Either way, they are the number one. I also wonder if his daughter (if he really has one) and wife knows about us. All I know is they are happier. They don't have to go out on the street and hope more people than yesterday would pass in front of me to listen. Anyways, she shouted