Who Am I?, Anna Huscha [highly illogical behavior .txt] 📗

Born, raised, and stuck in the Bronx shaped my life, made me who I am today. Though, who am I? Why can't I figure it out?

I mean, I know my name Jason Candon, that's nothing that any other person doesn't know. What I mean is, where do I stand in this world? What do people think when they hear my name? Mostly, why am I here? Also, I've found myself wondering what role I am in the gang I've been in.

The answers wouldn't come easy, they wouldn't come fast. Some though, wouldn't ever be answered and that bothered me but there was not a thing that I could do.

I laid in bed for a long time, I knew I should have gotten up quite a while ago but I was indifferent. Where would I go if I were to get up? It was one of those lazy days.

A tapping came at my window, light and quiet at first to where I almost hadn't noticed it. Slowly, it started getting louder.

After a few moments of testing the persons patience I got up and opened the window, glancing up at the black-haired boy that knelt at the window.

"Hey there" Zac said before shoving past me and into my room, stretching his legs and back.

"Sure, come on in" I said, he knew I was messing around though my tone hadn't been convincing; what was I going to do? Keep him out on the ledge? He was one of my gang brothers after all.

"Of course, so you getting your lazy ass out of bed or you going to be lazy all day long?" Zac asked, I was walking over to my closet as he talked.

"I'm out now, aren't I?" I asked cockily, testing him. He cocked his head then blinked at me before scoffing and throwing an empty chew can at the back of my head.

"Got any dip?" He asked uneasily, I nodded at the bed side night stand, it was mahogany and old. He moved to it and opened the first drawer, moving aside the contents as he searched for my stash.

Failing, he opened the second drawer, moved aside a few things and finally came across it. Three cans just in there.

"Ahh, I'm taking one, do ya mind?" He asked over his shoulder as I dug through my closet; like I had a choice if he'd take one? He'd put it in his pocket and we'd 'forget about it' anyways.

"Nope" I yelled, my reply was slightly muffled because of the closet. I shifted through the accumulating pile and found a plain blue shirt and skinny jeans. Yes, I said it, skinny jeans.

If I wasn't slightly out of the loop, who was? I was in a gang wearing black skinny jeans and piercings. Why, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

Two years ago -

It was mid-July, hot outside and not a cloud in the sky to show any hint of saving us from being fried. Of course, I didn't mind, I was used to it since I had worn skinny jeans back in middle school and I had just graduated.

I wore sweatshirts a lot but not today, it wasn't that kind of warm. My hair hung down over my eyes as it always did, the back spiked up in a messy style. My blue eyes scanned the street as I sat on the curb.

I was relaxed, dressed in all my favorite things. A few people crossed every now and then, a few kids played soccer off to the left; out of traffic.

I stretched out my legs that had just been bent, leaning back on my arms. I suddenly felt eyes on me, not that they hadn't been before since I was a sore thumb in the area I lived in.

I was like the white sheep amongst the black; non-racial of course.

I turned my gaze at the boy staring at me, he was dressed in baggy pants, a plain tee and basketball sneakers; a regular boy in this area. What struck me was the blue bandana, most of them on this turf wore red. Did he want to get himself killed?

Yes, they could cross each other without wanting to exactly kill each other on first site but this was strictly Blood territory; they lived here. What was he doing?

He sat down on the top step of the set and reached up, rubbing his face as he seemed to wait for something. Was he friends with a Blood?

He noticed me staring and looked back at me, watching me carefully. I didn't look away at first, I had half-zoned out thinking of what he was doing until the door behind him opened.

I looked up at the girl who stood in the doorway, she must have not expected him because her expression was one of shock.

That's when I turned away, I didn't care what happened next, I knew her brother was a Blood because they lived across the street from me; I didn't want to see someone get killed.

I got up and started walking down the street. I hadn't ever been asked to join a gang but the thought sometimes crossed my mind. Which gang would try and recruit me? Would I join the Bloods or the Crypts? Did it matter? Of course it mattered, it'd say whether I'd live in my home at night or have to live in fear that it'd get shot up.

No question, I'd probably join Bloods to keep my mom safe as much as myself. Would I like the people? Would they ask me to change who I am because it's not the style of their gang? Did they exactly have a style other than the bandanas I noticed they wear to mark them as they are?

I slid my hand into my right pant pocket and pulled out my Ipod. I used to wear a bandana, you know? A white one, people asked me what gang that symbolized; I just shook my head and walked away.

Turning my Ipod on loud, I put in the ear-buds and kept walking, staring down at the ground while looking up every now and then to make sure I didn't bump into anybody.

I didn't know where I was going to go, I suppose I could go to the skate park; nobody bugged me there. I could go to the regular park, only little kids and their parents ever went there. It didn't matter all-in-all where I went; nobody would bother me regardless.

I decided on the skate park, it was who I am, skating is what I live by. The bruises, black-and-blue marks, the endless scrapes and scars I had gotten from skateboarding and the broken bones shaped me.

I couldn't feel pain in my right leg anymore because I had broken it so many times.

I didn't have my skateboard with me so I just sat on a bench, leaning back while watching someone I knew do tricks.

"Yo, Jason!" Scott said while walking up to me, I smiled and nodded to him.

"Hey" He nodded back, sitting down next to me.

"Don't have your skateboard?" Scott asked, I shook my head.

"Nope, didn't plan on coming here until I had gotten up and was walking" I answered, he nodded then held up his own; offering it to me.

"No thanks, bro. I'm good" I said, turning down the offer, I turned my Ipod off and stuck the earphones back into my pocket. He nodded then sat down, putting his skateboard on the ground while putting his feet onto it.

As quiet fell down around us I stood up, glancing down at him.

"I have some stuff I have to do real fast, I'll catch ya later, okay?" I asked, it was rhetorical since he would have to agree anyways.

"Oh, yeah, sure" Scott stood up as he spoke then patted my shoulder, for unknown reasons.

"Keep yourself safe" Scott said before turning and leaving, I watched him walk away.

I didn't really have anything to do, I just couldn't stand silences while Scotty was known for them; he loved them no matter what the circumstance.

I sat down at a small store just outside the skate park, leaning back and closing my eyes.

"Hey" A random voice spoke up, I opened my eyes and turned my head towards the voice. Karma was against me today, wasn't she?

"What's up?" I asked, not honestly caring but not wanting to be rude. The man got up off the ground and took a seat beside me on the bench.

"I've seen you around... what's your name?" The man asked, he was tall, medium toned skin, short hair with a hat that hid it. And a red bandana.

"Jason" I said simply, he watched me for a moment.

"You live down the road from me, across from the Sanders, right?" He asked, moving his hand as he talked. I nodded.

"Right, who are you?" I asked, squinting from the sunlight.

"I'm Kyle Smith" He said, I wanted to question it but stayed silent.

"Oh, you live down the road from me, the one member of the bloods gang, right?" I asked, he laughed and watched me.

"You're alright, you know that?" Kyle asked, I shrugged.

"Hey, well you know" I said simply. Kyle took his hat off and rubbed his face, nodding before slipping the hat back on.

"Why'd you move to this area anyways? Everyone knows it's no good" Kyle said honestly, I respected him for it.

"My mom had gotten a job offer she couldn't refuse, she's a single mom and well... had to do for us what she could. Regardless of the neighborhoods reputation" I spoke clearly, leaning forward to put my elbows on my knees. Most people wouldn't say so much but me, I had nothing to hide. It was my past.

"Ahh, kinda sucks for you in the end, no?" He asked, watching me carefully. He seemed to analyze me.

"Eh... not really to be honest. I haven't been bugged about the whole gang thing. I guess as long as you're not in a gang nobody will harm you. Then again weirder things have happened" I noted, turning my head to look at him. The sun was bright and for the first time I really looked at him.

"Smart guy" Was all he said, I nodded then sat up. Not sure what I should say next.

"When'd you move here?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"When I was ten, my family moved here. When I turned eleven my older brother joined the bloods and that kinda doomed me. He wouldn't let me say 'no' to them. He actually recruited me into it." Kyle explained, I nodded.

"Did you wanna be a part of it all?" I asked.

"Not really, I mean... I was only eleven years old, man. I was just a kid. I had some plans for future and by no means does being a part of a gang stop that. I can take the bandana off and nobody'll know. I can move far away, nobody will know. It's just... some of the things I've gone through and seen... no kid should