Nothing Thoughts, Nothing Stories, Gab Follin [e manga reader TXT] 📗

thunder

 

A broken window screen

 

Just one night?

 

Could you tell me you love me

 

False accusations

 

Slow dance with me in the dark

 

Cigarettes and daisies

 

The sun must be a devil

 

Suicide is an option

 

How many kids do you want?

 

Inappropriate relationships

 

Can’t you see?

 

Give me your hand

 

J.r. slides

 

Sex at 4 a.m.

 

I don’t wanna go home

 

One night..

cigarettes and daisies

 

Cigarettes and daisies, a familiar scent when her being arrives.

It’s the same constantly, it never seems to change. It’s obvious when she’s current.

Her scent of cigarettes and daisies seemed to be embedded in his nose.

His lips graced her skin, and all he smelt was daisies. Once toward her lips, cigarette.

Do you think he ignored the cigarette for her daisies?

Pale fingers hovered above her lace trim.

The scent of daisies lingered.

The cigarette smell resided in her clothes. It was there reportedly throughout the removal.

Once she was bare, the only scent present was the daisies.

Do you think that’s why he removes her lace?

The answer is simply yes.

The daisy scent and her bare being is what the man desires.

It is however to her. She doesn’t want to just give him her daisies but instead wants him to experience the cigarettes too.

she

 

They lie in bed, relaxing and cooling down from the connection that just came between them.

She stared at him in awe, thinking that she was so very in love with this man.

He stared back, something else crossing his mind.

She sensed it dearly, an empty feeling bellowed in her stomach.

He looked at her with pleading eyes and told her that there was another.

Another woman who held his heart in her hand.

Another one who had him.

She assumed there was disloyalty, him cheating on her with this other.

But it wasn’t that.

No cheating involved, he claimed he hasn’t seen her in close to a year now.

She didn’t believe him, she still thought disloyal, he continued to explain to her.

He liked this woman, for years, but his chance to obtain her heart back was missed by his own stupidity.

He explained that it was his biggest regret, and that he still continues to regret it.

Her eyes welled with tears with each word spoken, her heart which she had given him was now crushed into pieces.

He felt ashamed and dishonored, he said.

She didn’t care at that point.

She told him to leave, he tried to keep talking but her ears refused to listen.

She didn’t want to be with someone who looks at her and thinks of someone else.

Would you blame her?

He left her alone, he left the house half dressed. She wasn’t sure if he drove home or stuck around for a while, but he wasn’t between these four walls anymore with her presence.

She was alone, by herself, with these thoughts of this other woman.

Heartbroken along with anger, she decided she would take shots for herself and get totally and utterly wasted.

She thought it was probably a bad idea, but, like before no care was shown.

She took shot after shot until she was up to 23.

She stopped and laid down on the bed that was so very comfortable 40 minutes ago, now it felt empty and used.

Just like her.

She laid there thinking about what she should do next.

Her thought: sleep.

Before her eyes closed for a nights of drunken slumber, her phone dinged.

She limply reached for her phone and switched it on to reveal his name, asking her to talk.

She replied with not right now and left it at that.

She closed her eyes, and tears fell from them. She decided it wasn’t worth it and slept peacefully.

Once it was morning, she awoke and immediately he came to mind.

She switched on her phone, and he had texted during the night and morning.

He told her that he meant to tell her, but he didn’t exactly know how he would tell her something that personal and shameful.

He said that his feelings towards this woman were dormant, nothing more than what it was but still there.

They exist, they still do. And it was existing during her whole relationship with him.

Out of panic she assumed, he told her that he very much liked her and only thought about her anymore.

That was just it.

The morning texts remained different, he didn’t say goodnight nor good morning, all it appeared to be was a “I’m sorry”.

The words felt empty to her, he didn’t mean them.

She lied and said it was okay.

And he told her that he isn’t sure if they should see each other any longer.

She explained to him that what he said meant nothing to her as long as she was the only one.

She said that if it’s just her, she doesn’t care. Meaning she didn’t want to hear about other women.

Solemnly, an okay was his response.

She plainly said it’s okay once again and he replied with doubtfulness.

He didn’t believe her, and he was smart not to because her anger for him burned strongly.

She reassured him it was, and that she would prove it by not treating him like a vandal.

All he said was okay, once again and the conversation was left there.

Her heart hurt, and so did her head… hangover.

She didn’t cry again but instead moved on with her life. She took a shower to wash away dried tears and thoughts.

She settled down in that bed with her laptop in hand and began to type.

Her feelings, her words onto a document.

Only her words could depict how she really felt, the stabbing in her chest while he told her the story of his first love and how he’s never gotten over it.

It hurt her, and she knows it certainly hurt him.

She bets he regrets telling her, wanting to keep it hidden away in the back of his mind so she cannot hear nor see this kind of secret he holds.

Part of her was glad he told her, only to know he trusted her, she guessed.

But that doesn’t change the hurt that was given off.

Her heart was still shattered and he still felt very much ashamed.

And that’s the way it will probably remain, until they can both just forget about it.

Is that possible?

No answer can be given at this time, considering it was a recent event.

Will she be able to forget this other that beholds his heart instead of her?

Doubtful.

Only time will tell now.

past

 

Constantly climbing a hill, constantly coming across problems that my mind creates.

Can you love that?

Marks that have been left on my skin, the marks you witnessed, from past ‘lovers’ who decided to take my fragile state to their advantage.

The poisoning I did to my body, the drugs and alcohol exposure.

My little sister trying to commit suicide, the blame, the problems that arose from it.

It’s all my fault, don’t you know that?

I don’t like to make excuses but… it has done things to me. Things you cannot possibly understand by the simple fact you never had to go through that.

Can you love that?

Despite my past?

Despite anything?

That’s what a love, a marriage, a life is all about anyway, right?

I still love you, despite anything you have ever told me.

I look to the better of you, the positive, the things that make you, you.

I love you!

Can you love me?

Love me, pick me, choose me.

I want to be your one and only.

I want you to be my last and only.

Please.

obvious

 

This continues and there’s no reason for it.

Have you not let go? Proof is there, you haven’t.

It’s been made very clear that you are not important, not anymore.

One point, you were my best friend, but it changed when you became less than that.

It wasn’t the feelings that were changing, it was you.

 

The word useless was just used out of anger, hopefully that is known.

Yet any other word that would be used to describe you isn’t much better than useless.

Did it hurt you? Proof is there, it did.

That wasn’t the intention but at the same time, how else can anything get through your mind without a little aggression?

It can’t, that’s the point.

 

Hypocrite was also used, you say answers should be obvious, is it not here?

That answer is an obvious no considering you asked many times, how?

Answers could be given willingly if you were ever willing to listen.

 

Caring, something that you could never qualify for.

Certainly, it didn’t go both ways, but the question is when did you know it stopped?

Obvious answer, it’s been a while.

 

The subject of care, was it asked of you? Nah.

Was it asked that you still do? Nah, but obviously you do since this is still ongoing.

Nothing is expected, the specific names used, they were used for a reason.

 

Cherishing memories, something performed often too.

Faded, they did because of the person you became for me.

They will stay in the back of the mind considering