Everyday Thoughts., Gabby Follin [interesting books to read for teens .txt] 📗

It kind of pissed me off if I'm being honest... It's like you're asking for a suicide note? But I was like Ella that's not a good thing to do you know, what if Andrew (her dumb ass brother) were to attempt that shit? Would you like it if I told you "don't tell your parents" if Andrew told me he was going to attempt again? But honestly, I feel like people who aren't family should stay out of these things and not try to handle it. Mostly because they can't really understand it, they don't have to live with that (as in my family living with Samantha being like this) and they don't really take it as personally... and yes I know friends mean the world to everyone but right now, she doesn't have to deal with it on the level that the rest of us do. But uhm, I honestly feel like keeping shut about things make things so much worse than they already do. Since the first attempt occurred, you'd think it'd make a family stronger? No, it did the opposite to mine. Mine is fucked up, no one is talking to each other, and it's still fucked! And I'm the only trying to talk, but you know I can't control everyone so they ignore me. :/ I don't know if any of this is making sense, sorry if it's getting hard to follow along, so much just happened last night it's frustrating. But I did tell my parents fyi. Before I went to bed last night I told my father I wanted to have a talk with him and mom without the other two. But then after I thought about it a bit, if I were to talk about this face to face, all you'd get out of me are a few squeaks here and there. I'm not good with feelings and talking, I just don't do it. That's why people don't know much personally about me. But anyway, i decided to write a note to them. Not only telling what's up with Samantha but also how I feel about stuff. But it seems like my parents only took out the parts about Samantha because... Like before they're treating her like a princess while letting her treat me like garbage. This has happened before so I'm not really surprised but I thought it was worse a shot, but obviously deep down I knew it wasn't going to work.

But yes that's what's going on lately with me and I guess the fam. :/ 

Not really good for me but I don't how anyone else feels about things because no one talks! But oh well. 

Thank you again for reading, this was basically just a rant chapter again I suppose. I feel like I should write once a week so I can get down everything that happened, if anything happened. I have a boring life haha. But anyway. thank you again! Stay tuned for more. :) Fair well! 

September 18, 2017. Monday 10:24 p.m.

I'd like to believe not all writing can be saddening to be good. I'd like to believe you don't always have to be deep in thought, writing personal things on a piece of paper to share out to the world.

I'd like to believe... That... Things can be happy. 

Whether they are or have been damaged, they can be happy.

I'd like to believe that there are factors to why most of us are still living, something to keep us breathing and moving at the least. For me, it's true. I don't have much, and I'm not a strong person mentally, but I can tell you, that if you have at least one supportive person, you can keep breathing.

I'd just like to believe that all of us can and will be happy some day.

Whether it's not now, or maybe not even later, but... Someday.

All I can say is to keep breathing and maybe you'll see that day come.

But what do I know?

I'm just a saddening author.  

September 20, 2017. Wednesday 9:21 p.m.

 Sometimes I feel unlovable. It's not always that I think about it, people say things and it makes me think about it. 

I've been told that I will never be loved and that no one could ever love someone like me. 

It sucks feeling like this and letting things that people say get to you. 

I feel like I should be able to be who I want to be but... People around here make that impossible. You can try but you get knocked down, told that you are littler than what you think you are. 

Its horrible. 

If only people could be nice and not such dicks, the world would be such a better place especially for people like us. 

But the world doesn't work that way. If only.... 

If only. 

 

September 24, 2017. Sunday 7:50 p.m.

 I'd like to think at some point of the time we had together, I was the center of your mind. But I know now that I was so very wrong and that it was all just one big stupid mistake. 

But you know? I'm not really doing anything to stop it. I suppose we both thought about each other yesterday because we both texted.

I missed you, and I'd like to think you missed me too, but in reality, the brutal truth I know you didn't. 

But I'd also like to think you didn't miss me back. 

It's working both ways, it's kind of like tug-of-war between those thoughts. But I'd never know the true reality if I don't ask you, but even then... You might not tell me because I'm me. 

You trust me, I know you do, but you like to hide your feelings. You're hard to get to know, you don't talk about yourself much. I find it to be... fascinating. But every time you did break down and you did need a shoulder, I was there for you. You spilled it all to me. And I had hoped I was the only one you did do that too. 

I feel as if we have a deep connection. Like... we get along some how better than we do with other people. I'm not sure what it is, but I feel drawn to you, as you are to me. 

We keep going back, after not talking, we go back. No matter what it happens. It's been happening. And just now was I presume the perfect time to start worrying about it.

What does it mean? 

Do you really miss me, or do you just want me? 

There's a difference between the two, and I wouldn't want to talk about what it means from my perspective. It just hurts a little bit. Every once in a while, my emotional burnt heart aches a bit at the thought of you. But it continues to beat with the strength it's been using up. I appreciate the effort my body has given to protect itself from the hits he gives off. 

It still hurts. No matter how much protection I have, it still hurts. Because he's him.

He's him.

That's all he has to do to make me melt.

He's

Him

 

September 25, 2017. Thursday 7:27 p.m.

 Isn't it quite sad how people feel like they shouldn't be together due to past experiences being in each others lives? I think so. It's a tragedy actually. I think so because you never really know if something could be unless you do it. 

But that's the scary thing. You might not want to get hurt again or... should I say damaged? I feel that way about a certain person. They hurt me pretty bad, so bad actually. It still fucks me up to this day and I find that traumatizing. But guess what? I still love him. Yes, I said love. I have no regrets for saying such a word. I believe that you can love someone who has hurt you more than once, or even just hitting you hard in one shot. I believe there's still and can be something there. 

Who actually knows for sure though? That's right, you don't. Not unless you try it. (:

October 15, 2017. Sunday 10:50 p.m.

 Night sadness is hitting in.

All I really want right now is for you to kiss me. Hold me. Cuddle me. Fondle me. 

Anything that involves interaction of some kind with you right now is completely welcomed. 

I miss you and