The OOBS, CC Raz [best ereader for academics txt] 📗

that we gave up.
     By Tuesday, you'll have had enough time to get readjusted to life with your mom. It's not like you were gone for 3 years. You were gone for 3 months. So on Tuesday I'll get ready with my bible and a notebook and I'll go and see you. Maybe talk to you. I dunno. I don't know. At all.I just.. I can't think. The fact that you're so close is just.. too much.

I should take a shower eventually. But I have more than 3 hours before I need to worry about it.

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echos
Tell myself it's time now
Gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
Losing him was blue like I've never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
   I like thatsong. I don't like all of Taylor Swift's new stuff. Actually, I like hardly any of it. Her old stuff, I like. And a couple of her new ones. Like this one. I like this one.

I have less than 2 hours before I need to go now. I don't want to go to work at all. I dunno. I just... I got about 4 hours of sleep last night and it's going to be super boring because no one's gonna be there. And Rachel will be there, but so will Pam and so I won't actually be ableto talk to Rachel like I want to.
     Pam really really made me mad yesterday. This table had ordered food, but they didn't eat it all, and so they wanted boxes. So I brought them to go boxes, and then went to go clean this one thing, and then once I was done with that I was going to go clear away the plates so they weren't in the way on the table. And while it's not like it takes that long to clean it. So the plates wouldn't be sitting there too long. But while I was finishing cleaning that one area, Pam came over and said, "You need to watch the tables more closely. Like that one table. It looks like their plates have been sitting there for a while." First of all, they'd been there for like 30 seconds. I tried to say, "Okay," because that's all that NEEDS to be said. When your boss tells you that you need to do something, you're better off just saying okay than making up excuses, even if you're right and she's wrong. But you know. And so I said "Okay" and finished cleaning like the 4 square inches that I had left, and she stopped me and said something (I don't remember what it was) and it just REALLY irritated me. Because the plates had NOT been sitting there very long. At all. And I knew what I was doing. Maybe she didn't see me take them the boxes. But I did, and it hadn't been very long. And it's just every little thing that I do, she mircomanages me. I'm a smart girl. I can figure out that when the cones are low, it's time to restock them. But I can't do that when I'm in the middle of making 4 milkshakes. The woman drives me nuts. I don't just sit around and do nothing. I clean, if there's no one there. I make sure that everything is stocked. Dishes are done. Tables are clean.
     OR, I'll be scooping prickly pear ice cream. It's REALLY soft and sticks to itself. Its pretty much impossible to get it into a pretty scoop. You can get it onto the cone. But it just looks like a big blob, not a scoop. Because that's just the way that that ice cream is. But she stopped me and said, "Before you put it onto the cone, get it into a little ball instead of shaping it when it's on the cone." Um... I've worked here since March, woman. I think I know how to scoop the farming ice cream. It's not even like it's a really complicated process that you have to learn. It's jst something you do. But with prickly pear,you CAN NOT get it into a pretty little ball. You can make it into a small ball. But our scoops are bigger than the scoop. Oh, wow. The balls of ice cream are bigger than the spoon we scoop it with. So the prickly pear jus falls over the side and sticks to the rest of the ice cream in the tub. When its in a cup, it doesn't really matter much. But when people order prickly pear on a sugar cone... I want to quit my job.

I'll be back in a little while. I have to do my hair for work. And now I'm back. Eh. I look decent. Not great. But decent. I won't be chasing any customers away.

Okay. I'm tired of talking about work. For the next hour, I'm just not going to think about work. Sound good? Good.

Maybe when I get home I'll work on my book. I need to finish it. And I'm at a good point where I'm not stuck. I know where I'm going from here. But I just... have no motivation right now. But you know what? This book full of emails? It has almost as many words as The Azuli. That's crazy. REALLY crazy. Because... how long did it take me to write that? It took like 4 months. If I kept going on with this all summer (which I will), how long would it be? I think... for the summer, I'll have one book of stuff for you to read. And then for the school year, I'll have a new book. Because... I dunno. It's different. It's a whole different attitude and outlook, school vs summer.
      I can't believe that summer is only half over with. Because... it has just taken SO long. I saw Mr. Elinski last night at the performance and he asked how summer was going and I said, 'Long." It was just one of those answers that comes out without you thinking. But... It has been. And I've had work and cheer and trips to Ken's house and meetings at the park and lots of stuff going on. But all that stuff is overshadowed by the fact that I don't know if my best friend is okay at all. So each day just drags on.

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beatiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be
What you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me
       I used to know this whole song by heart. I like it. I mean, I'm not a big fan of Jesse McCartney. I never was. But I like this song. It's good. :)
     You know who he reminds me of? Well, I guess who reminds me of him? Hunter Hayes. They look a lot alike, they're both young and just... yeah. They don't really sing the same kind of music. But they just kinda remind me of each other.

Good thing Pandora AND YouTube both just stopped working. Love not having my music.

So... my mom isn't going to stay with Ken. But she's going to try to get him to break up with her, for lotsa reasons. I just...  I don't know. I'm worried. About a lot of things. That she'll go back. That he won't break up with her and she won't have the balls to break up with him. I'm just worried about a lot of things. But it's not healthy. And she needs to get out. Now.
     It hurts so much to see my mom in some of the situations she's in. Not that she's completlely innocent. Sometimes it's her fault she's in those situations. But it still just hurts.

My ingrown toenail is infacted again. :( It hurts.

I need my back popped. BAD. I'll ask Lawson ifhe'll walk on it for me. It won't fix it completely but it'll help.

I gotta go now. But I'll write more when Iget home.

Still praying, still staying strong
Love,
CC Raz

 

OOB#Greetings

6/29

Not from me. From other people. Rachel, Diana, and Gema. Actually, Diana and Gema said hi a long time ago, but I forgot to tell you.

I feel... tired. Exhausted. From everything. My mom... I just... I feel like I need to protect her. Always. Whether it's getting her heart broken, or just people looking down on her because she's had a divorce, I need to protect her. Is that sad? Good? Bad? That I have the kind of relationship with my mom where I feel like I have to protect her. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I know she's protective of me, but... not really. Because I don't need to be protected against. I'm not under constant scrutiny of the people who've always had everything handed to them and have never been through anything tough in their life.

Mmmm. I got Hassayampa mud today after work. :) Gosh, it's so great. So... refreshing. After a long day of being bored and sweating like crazy... I need some ice cream to relax. :) And Bailey's phone is finally working again so we can text. :) And I'm listening to Disney music and I feel like the whole world is good. And for this moment, everything is perfect.
     *In Flynn Ryder's voice* And then that moment ended.

Well... not really. It didn't end. I just... yeah. I have a tendency to make movie and song referneces a lot. It's just... I dunno. I've always done it.

It's time to take my hair out now. And I'm in my jammies. I just... I'm ready to go to bed. Haha and it's 6. Oh well. I'm TIRED. I'm not actually going to bed, I just wanna be comfy. You know?And my head itches and I can't scratch it because of my bun. :( So it's coming out. Now.

And I'll be taking care of business! Taking care of business!  This song always makes me think of Air Bud. Is this song even in that movie? I feel like it's when he's giving the dog a bath and all that. But who knows? I could be wrong.

I have to go do something. I may or may not come back later to add more. But... this is my second message today so.. If I have something I need to tell you, I'll do it. But otherwise... I'll just message you tomorrow.

See you soon, Gwen. :)
Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

PS- Ed always sings a song (I don't remember what song it is) and then he'll say, "That's a song by CCR." and the only thing I can think when he says that is, "What? I didn't write that song. Weirdo." Haha I guess it's really not that funny. Like at all. But... where would the world