A Letter I Never Sent to a Boy I Thought I Loved, Mindee Huskins [distant reading .txt] 📗

Dearest Thomas,
I've had a crush on you since yew first walked into the classroom as a new student. I knew I'd love yow more than anyone ever could. I began to love you even after the day yew broke my heart. All because of my parents.
I've said I love you so many times to different boys, that they are just pointless words, but when I say it to you I really mean it with all my heart. Your all that is on my mind.
I've wrote dozens of poems about you and how I feel, but none them are come close to what I feel when I see you. You always give me knots and butterflies when you talk or I even just think of you. When yew left, it felt as if it was the end of the world. You'll probably be the death of me.
A familiar phrase comes to mind:To write love on her arms. It makes me think of what I do when I think of you. How your life is probably perfect and happy and mine is a living hell, but then again I did wish you to be happy when you were dating Jessa. I guess my wish came true, but I didn't ever think it would be like this.
Now, all I do is think of you and wish for death, and just think you will never read this because I'll never have the courage to send this.
I keep playing the same song over and over again. The song is cringe or smile by Better Than Toast. It reminds me of when I first asked you out and you said you weren't ready for a new girlfriend, so I waited until one day you said yes. We hung out without my parents knowing. They still don't know to this day. I still replay the scene when we hugged that rainy day.
No boys in the world matter to me ever since I met you. Your the only guy I will ever love even if yew will never love me as much as I do you. I wish you were still here. I hate it here. I just want to be wrapped in your arms and stay there forever, but nothing last forever.
No words could really describe how I feel about you. Here's just a few:Love, Nervous, Happy, Heart broken, Sad,and Depressed, but those are just to name a few. There are plenty more.
I miss you every waking moment,and when I'm asleep you are all I dream about. I want you in my life. No, I need you in my life. Your the only thing in the world that matters to me. I care so much for you. I really do wish I could summon up all my courage to send this to you.
"I love you" doesn't even cover the half of it. I love you so much. I could have my pick of almost any guy I want and yet I'd pick you over them all. I will always care for you no matter what. I don't care what you would think if you were to read this. Well, yeah right, I'm not going to lie. I care a lot about what you think. I always want to know what your thinking. At times, I wished I was a mind reader because then I could tell how you feel about me.
I bet you would laugh if I gave this to you. You would laugh and call me pathetic.
I love you so much and never ever will forget about you.
Love you always,
Mindee

Here's some quotes for you:
And no matter how hard I cry, he isn’t going to pop up and show me it was just a joke.
I want to be happy because he is happy, but how can I be happy knowing that I'm not the one making him smile?

People say not to cry because it’s over but to smile because it happened, but how can you do that when just thinking of the good times makes you wanna cry because you realize what you’re missing?

He means so much to me. I just wish he knew because when I’m around him the say is a different blue and when he talks to me my knees begin to shake.The last thing I want is another heartbreak.If he would love me like I love him I could tell him that I will always be true but when I try to talk, I just don’t know what to say because I know he doesn’t feel the same way.

What if i said you never mattered that i never lost a moment of sleep what if i crushed all of your dreams and broke all the promises I swore to keep? Tell me how your life would be if i did to you what you did to me.

Love is almost like suicide. You give so much to that special someone that you sometimes end up killing yourself inside.

Without you I'm not okay. Without you I've lost my way. My hearts stuck in second place without you.

Before love my heart was a black hole. After love, I didn’t have a heart. I'm not sure which is better.

When you like a boy, all you do is wonder"Does he like me?" and when he finally asks you out, all you do is wonder"When is he gonna break my heart?"

I don't know, for a while, I had this tiny smidge of hope that one day, we'd be together again. But, last night, when we talked...I knew. I just knew you were in love with her.The kind of love that stays forever. Now, all I'm left with is a broken heart and shattered hopes and dreams.

P.S. I still just wish yew to be happy even though it kills me inside to see you love another girl...

Publication Date: 11-13-2010

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
I dedicate this to my ex, Thomas.