Googol Boy and the peculiar incident of the Great Quiz Trophy, John Michael [white hot kiss txt] 📗

know I vill not tolerate muttering in zee classroom... as punishment you can have zee honour of going first with your speech.”

There was a shared sigh of relief in the class. Nobody wanted to go first for these types of activities. If you were terrible, the stench of failure would dangle around your neck like a hangman’s noose around a decomposing corpse. Even worse, if you were great, you would set an impossible standard for everyone else. It was a no-win situation.

Lenny’s eyes darted to and fro, his feeble brain trying to find some way out of this pickle but, with Mr Klopsberg’s steady stare on him, Lenny realised that there was no way out.

He sluggishly trudged down the aisle, his bulky weight making the floorboards creak. He finally made it to the front of the room with no speech, no palmcards, and no clue. He was looking rather irritated and tried to give the teacher the hairy eyeball but, if it was a staring competition* Lenny was after, big mistake. As already mentioned, Mr Klopsberg never blinked and this in itself was a sign that Lenny was not the sharpest tool in the shed.

He stood there like a lobotomised goldfish; his mouth started to make gaping movements but no sound was coming out.

Of course, after doing this for a few minutes, it started to get a tad monotonous.

“Hurry up Mr Lenotti... vee have not all day!” snapped Mr Klopsberg.

Lenny was skating on thin ice. He had already tried the teacher’s patience and, on top of everything else, he had broken the ‘no muttering’ rule and now was very close to breaking the ‘no dallying’ rule as well.

Lenny stirred from his daze. “Yes sir.” He then went on to clear his throat for a good minute.

“Lenny!” exclaimed Mr Klopsberg. “Stop vasting our time!”

“Okay... once upon a time... ah... I mean ladies and gentlemen... ah... I mean teacher and students... ahem... today let me talk about... wait! What am I talkin’ about today? Um... um...”

Lenny started to scratch his head... some dandruff drifted down to the floor but we all pretended not to notice. At this point in time he was having bigger issues than a dry flaky scalp.

Mr Klopsberg finally interjected. “You are supposed to be talking about zee gravity Lenny! Grav-ee-tee!”

“Ah... that’s right... gravity. What can I say about gravity? Well, for one thing gravity really sucks!”

If this was supposed to be Lenny’s humorous introduction, it fell flat and the only sound heard was that of a cricket chirping in the background.

“Come on Mr Lenotti... continue!” demanded Mr Klopsberg.

“Yes... well... imagine a world without gravity − now that’s what I’m talking about. We could just fly around anywhere we wanted to and not need no cars, trains or planes. So... down with gravity! No more gravity would mean that –”

“But vee vould all drift off into space Lenny,” declared Mr Klopsberg.

“That’s right... space! I just saw this thing on TV yesterday about astronauts in space and they... ah... couldn’t even poop properly because they didn’t have gravity. They used these special bags and tubes and... ah... if we didn’t have gravity our poop would just... ah... float about in the air around you and... ah... I guess we... ah... do need gravity after all. Yes! I’ve changed my mind but... talking about poop... ah... did I tell you about the time I ate four lasagnes and I clogged up the −”

“That is enough Mr Lenotti! Go back to your seat!” snapped Mr Klopsberg. Lenny finished with a big frown on his face and trudged back to his desk. For the rest of us, there was stunned silence. Even Mr Klopsberg was briefly lost for words... but only briefly.

“Mein Gott Lenny! That was schrecklich... even for you! Now sit yourself down!”

Mr Klopsberg glanced around the room, he pushed his glasses further up his nose and then, without rhyme nor reason, he looked directly at me with those unblinking iceblue eyes.

“Howard! Up next!”

Bummer!

My pulse was racing, I felt beads of sweat condensing on my brow, not only would my speech be terrible but it was actually going to be worse than Lazy Lenny’s.

“Think Howard... think!” I told myself. “Try to think back to what you wrote last night -that stuff was gold!”

I looked around the room − the faces of the students revealing a mixture of pity and relief. Pity that I was about to make a fool of myself and relief that it wasn’t them up here.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to visualise my speech when, suddenly, my brain started whirring − I could feel the cogs turning and that’s when I saw it, it was in my mind’s eye and appeared as vividly as if I was holding it in my hand. The biggest surprise was that it was nothing like my original speech... but beggars can’t be choosers, so I went with what I had and hoped for the best.

“Mr Klopsberg, fellow students, today I will be speaking about photosynthesis. The word photosynthesis comes from Greek and means “light” and “putting together.” This is the process used by plants where the energy from sunlight is used to produce sugars which are formed from carbon dioxide and water. The end result is the production of oxygen, which is released from the leaves into the atmosphere, it is this very same oxygen which we all need to function and survive. Photosynthesis takes place within the very small cells in the leaves of plants. Inside these cells are tiny structures called chloroplasts and each one contains a green chemical called chlorophyll which gives leaves their green colour. Thylakoid membranes within these chloroplasts contain tiny proteins which play an important role in this harvesting of sunlight. Chlorophyll absorbs the sun’s energy and it is this energy that is used to split water molecules into hydrogen and oxygen.

If it wasn’t for photosynthesis, not one of us would be here today