A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, Mark Twain [microsoft ebook reader .TXT] 📗

all, there was not even a priest in sight, and no stroke of a bell fell upon my ear. The mournfulness of death was everywhere. I couldn’t understand it. At last, in the further edge of that town I saw a small funeral procession⁠—just a family and a few friends following a coffin⁠—no priest; a funeral without bell, book, or candle; there was a church there close at hand, but they passed it by weeping, and did not enter it; I glanced up at the belfry, and there hung the bell, shrouded in black, and its tongue tied back. Now I knew! Now I understood the stupendous calamity that had overtaken England. Invasion? Invasion is a triviality to it. It was the Interdict!

I asked no questions; I didn’t need to ask any. The Church had struck; the thing for me to do was to get into a disguise, and go warily. One of my servants gave me a suit of clothes, and when we were safe beyond the town I put them on, and from that time I traveled alone; I could not risk the embarrassment of company.

A miserable journey. A desolate silence everywhere. Even in London itself. Traffic had ceased; men did not talk or laugh, or go in groups, or even in couples; they moved aimlessly about, each man by himself, with his head down, and woe and terror at his heart. The Tower showed recent war-scars. Verily, much had been happening.

Of course, I meant to take the train for Camelot. Train! Why, the station was as vacant as a cavern. I moved on. The journey to Camelot was a repetition of what I had already seen. The Monday and the Tuesday differed in no way from the Sunday. I arrived far in the night. From being the best electric-lighted town in the kingdom and the most like a recumbent sun of anything you ever saw, it was become simply a blot⁠—a blot upon darkness⁠—that is to say, it was darker and solider than the rest of the darkness, and so you could see it a little better; it made me feel as if maybe it was symbolical⁠—a sort of sign that the Church was going to keep the upper hand now, and snuff out all my beautiful civilization just like that. I found no life stirring in the somber streets. I groped my way with a heavy heart. The vast castle loomed black upon the hilltop, not a spark visible about it. The drawbridge was down, the great gate stood wide, I entered without challenge, my own heels making the only sound I heard⁠—and it was sepulchral enough, in those huge vacant courts.

XLII War!

I found Clarence alone in his quarters, drowned in melancholy; and in place of the electric light, he had reinstituted the ancient rag-lamp, and sat there in a grisly twilight with all curtains drawn tight. He sprang up and rushed for me eagerly, saying:

“Oh, it’s worth a billion milrays to look upon a live person again!”

He knew me as easily as if I hadn’t been disguised at all. Which frightened me; one may easily believe that.

“Quick, now, tell me the meaning of this fearful disaster,” I said. “How did it come about?”

“Well, if there hadn’t been any Queen Guenever, it wouldn’t have come so early; but it would have come, anyway. It would have come on your own account by and by; by luck, it happened to come on the queen’s.”

“And Sir Launcelot’s?”

“Just so.”

“Give me the details.”

“I reckon you will grant that during some years there has been only one pair of eyes in these kingdoms that has not been looking steadily askance at the queen and Sir Launcelot⁠—”

“Yes, King Arthur’s.”

“⁠—and only one heart that was without suspicion⁠—”

“Yes⁠—the king’s; a heart that isn’t capable of thinking evil of a friend.”

“Well, the king might have gone on, still happy and unsuspecting, to the end of his days, but for one of your modern improvements⁠—the stock-board. When you left, three miles of the London, Canterbury and Dover were ready for the rails, and also ready and ripe for manipulation in the stock-market. It was wildcat, and everybody knew it. The stock was for sale at a giveaway. What does Sir Launcelot do, but⁠—”

“Yes, I know; he quietly picked up nearly all of it for a song; then he bought about twice as much more, deliverable upon call; and he was about to call when I left.”

“Very well, he did call. The boys couldn’t deliver. Oh, he had them⁠—and he just settled his grip and squeezed them. They were laughing in their sleeves over their smartness in selling stock to him at fifteen and sixteen and along there that wasn’t worth ten. Well, when they had laughed long enough on that side of their mouths, they rested-up that side by shifting the laugh to the other side. That was when they compromised with the Invincible at 283!”

“Good land!”

“He skinned them alive, and they deserved it⁠—anyway, the whole kingdom rejoiced. Well, among the flayed were Sir Agravaine and Sir Mordred, nephews to the king. End of the first act. Act second, scene first, an apartment in Carlisle castle, where the court had gone for a few days’ hunting. Persons present, the whole tribe of the king’s nephews. Mordred and Agravaine propose to call the guileless Arthur’s attention to Guenever and Sir Launcelot. Sir Gawaine, Sir Gareth, and Sir Gaheris will have nothing to do with it. A dispute ensues, with loud talk; in the midst of it enter the king. Mordred and Agravaine spring their devastating tale upon him. Tableau. A trap is laid for Launcelot, by the king’s command, and Sir Launcelot walks into it. He made it sufficiently uncomfortable for the ambushed witnesses⁠—to wit, Mordred, Agravaine, and twelve knights of lesser rank, for he killed every one of them but Mordred; but of course that couldn’t straighten matters between Launcelot and the king, and didn’t.”

“Oh, dear, only one thing could