Much Ado About Nothing, William Shakespeare [e book reader free TXT] 📗

is overwhelm’d like mine,
And bid him speak of patience;
Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine
And let it answer every strain for strain,
As thus for thus and such a grief for such,
In every lineament, branch, shape, and form:
If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
Bid sorrow wag, cry “hem!” when he should groan,
Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk
With candle-wasters; bring him yet to me,
And I of him will gather patience.
But there is no such man: for, brother, men
Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief
Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it,
Their counsel turns to passion, which before
Would give preceptial medicine to rage,
Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,
Charm ache with air and agony with words:
No, no; ’tis all men’s office to speak patience
To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
But no man’s virtue nor sufficiency
To be so moral when he shall endure
The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel:
My griefs cry louder than advertisement. Antonio Therein do men from children nothing differ. Leonato

I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood;
For there was never yet philosopher
That could endure the toothache patiently,
However they have writ the style of gods
And made a push at chance and sufferance.

Antonio

Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself;
Make those that do offend you suffer too.

Leonato

There thou speak’st reason: nay, I will do so.
My soul doth tell me Hero is belied;
And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince
And all of them that thus dishonour her.

Antonio Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily. Enter Don Pedro and Claudio. Don Pedro Good den, good den. Claudio Good day to both of you. Leonato Hear you, my lords⁠— Don Pedro We have some haste, Leonato. Leonato

Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord:
Are you so hasty now? well, all is one.

Don Pedro Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man. Antonio

If he could right himself with quarrelling,
Some of us would lie low.

Claudio Who wrongs him? Leonato

Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou:⁠—
Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;
I fear thee not.

Claudio

Marry, beshrew my hand,
If it should give your age such cause of fear:
In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.

Leonato

Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at me:
I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,
As under privilege of age to brag
What I have done being young, or what would do
Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,
Thou hast so wrong’d mine innocent child and me
That I am forced to lay my reverence by
And, with grey hairs and bruise of many days,
Do challenge thee to trial of a man.
I say thou hast belied mine innocent child;
Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,
And she lies buried with her ancestors;
O, in a tomb where never scandal slept,
Save this of hers, framed by thy villainy!

Claudio My villainy? Leonato Thine, Claudio; thine, I say. Don Pedro You say not right, old man, Leonato

My lord, my lord,
I’ll prove it on his body, if he dare,
Despite his nice fence and his active practice,
His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.

Claudio Away! I will not have to do with you. Leonato

Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill’d my child:
If thou kill’st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.

Antonio

He shall kill two of us, and men indeed:
But that’s no matter; let him kill one first;
Win me and wear me; let him answer me.
Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me:
Sir boy, I’ll whip you from your foining fence;
Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.

Leonato Brother⁠— Antonio

Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece;
And she is dead, slander’d to death by villains,
That dare as well answer a man indeed
As I dare take a serpent by the tongue:
Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops!

Leonato Brother Anthony⁠— Antonio

Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea,
And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple⁠—
Scambling, out-facing, fashion-monging boys,
That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander,
Go anticly, show outward hideousness,
And speak off half a dozen dangerous words,
How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst;
And this is all.

Leonato But, brother Anthony⁠— Antonio

Come, ’tis no matter:
Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.

Don Pedro

Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.
My heart is sorry for your daughter’s death:
But, on my honour, she was charged with nothing
But what was true and very full of proof.

Leonato My lord, my lord⁠— Don Pedro I will not hear you. Leonato No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard. Antonio And shall, or some of us will smart for it. Exeunt Leonato and Antonio. Don Pedro See, see; here comes the man we went to seek. Enter Benedick. Claudio Now, signior, what news? Benedick Good day, my lord. Don Pedro Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part almost a fray. Claudio We had like to have had our two noses snapped off with two old men without teeth. Don Pedro Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou? Had we fought, I doubt we should have been too young for them. Benedick In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came to seek you both. Claudio We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten away. Wilt thou use thy wit? Benedick It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it? Don Pedro Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side? Claudio Never any did so, though very many have been beside their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the minstrels; draw, to pleasure us. Don Pedro As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou sick, or angry? Claudio What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care. Benedick Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject. Claudio Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was broke cross. Don Pedro By this light, he changes