The Tens, Vanessa Jones [i like reading books .TXT] 📗

left his keys in her office was so obvious, now that she was in the sanctuary of her home and had time to recentre herself. Instantly, the panic abated and left Sophie feeling humiliated, even though no one knew what she'd just gone through except herself. Smacking herself in the forehead a couple of times, she said with fury, 'you're a fucking idiot Soph. You need to chill the fuck out a bit once in a while.'

The scattered items across their bed winked at her and she chastised herself even more for her uncontrollable emotions. The panic that was marring her every decision. The mental concoctions that stood in the way of finding real clues to Alex’s whereabouts.

The detritus on the bed reminded her that her moods and paranoia were a dysfunction that were severely affecting her life. 'This is exactly why you're seeing a shrink in the first place!' Swiping his drawer contents off the bed and onto the floor, she stalked out to the kitchen to get some wine. She could still taste lemon and ginger tea.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Two missed calls and a voicemail from Carla waited for Sophie upon waking the next morning. Her faithful therapist checking in on her after the window banging incident the day before. That's kind of her, Sophie thought. But then she remembered: Alex's keys... Alex's keys... sounded in her head over and over, like a mantra.

Sophie didn’t have to wait more than one ring when she rang her back. 'Carla, it's Sophie.'

'Oh, Sophie. Thank you for returning my call. Really, I just wanted...'

'Carla, can you tell me something? I just want to check with you because I've been going over it in my mind and if you could just tell me what I saw was real then maybe I could relax. And look, if he's your patient or anything, I understand and I know you can't really tell me...'

'Sounds like we need to make you another appointment Sophie. Would you like to come in today?'

Ignoring her question, she pressed on. 'I accidentally saw a bunch of keys in your bag and they looked a lot like my husband's and can you just tell me that he is okay?'

Sophie assumed Carla's silence meant she was pondering the right thing to say.

'I have an opening in an hour. Can you make that?'

You bet Sophie could make that.

There was a line of sweat around the rim of Sophie's hair. She could smell the mustiness of her t-shirt and her unwashed body and hoped Carla wouldn't notice. Carla opened her door at 9am and stood aside with a forlorn look, an arm pointing towards the couch. 'Sophie.' She sighed and half-smiled. A thousand spiders soldiered up Sophie’s throat. Whatever was coming was not going to put her at ease.

'I've got something to show you.' Carla bent over her office chair without uncrossing her ankles and snapped back up brandishing a cluster of unfamiliar keys. On it, a brand new keyring the same as Alex's weathered one. It bore a similar rose hue but had more life and polish to it. Sophie couldn't see any etchings.

'These keys are what you saw in my bag yesterday. They're mine. Do you still believe they are your husband's?'

'No, clearly not. I'm sorry... I just thought...'

'Sophie, it seems to me, in my professional opinion, which is what you are here for, right?' She didn't wait for acknowledgement. 'I think you are deteriorating. I do believe you can turn it around and get better quickly but as I see it, there have been a few more hallucinations and mental disturbances than a week ago. Would you agree?'

'No! I'm doing much better. I had the nightmare last night and I was able to go back to sleep quite quickly.' Sophie didn't know why she was lying.

'You've been having the nightmare again?'

Sophie realised her mistake.

'Sophie there's nothing frightening you have to do. I'm not suggesting you need to stay in a hospital or do anything outside of what we have been doing but I strongly advise we increase the frequency of our sessions.'

Sophie was relieved that she wasn't quite at the dreaded hospital stay stage, for that meant something more than it really was. It meant it would be harder to return to sanity whereas now she could return at any moment, living her life as she had always done before Alex left and when she had a job. It was entirely plausible, so far, in her narrative that if she could just get a decent night's sleep and wake up without the grainy burden of her mind slipping into mud, she'd be fine. Minus her husband.

'Do you think it's time I explore my options with medication? I mean, some of that Cymbalta or antipsychotics scare me a little but maybe something gentler? And some Valium?'

'No, Sophie. I would encourage you to avoid all this at all costs. I truly believe the work you and I do together will supersede your need for these types of medication and we can break through quicker without them. We're at a really crucial stage of your healing and narcotics will interfere with our progress.'

Sophie wanted to rebel and twisted her lips with her teeth, a little surprised that a health professional was advising against medication. But Carla obviously saw something that Sophie didn't so, for now, she would obey. And how could she trust her own mind as to what was right for itself when just days ago she actually thought she had the ability to fly? Sophie shuddered at the thought of flinging off the balcony onto the concrete and the people below. In the face of the alternatives, a few more sessions with Carla were not terrible. Anything to help her get back on an even keel so that when Alex eventually returned home, he would see what a capable, strong and balanced woman she was. He would be so