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his phone repeated the same dead-end message. Sophie could not stand the thought, could not even stand being with herself, cooped up in her car without resolve. If she just went up the hill where Carla disappeared to, knocked on her door and explained herself... 'I just want to know where Alex is. Can you help me find him?' She imagined pleading. Or, if Alex answered, she would tell from his face. The answers would be etched into the lines that forked off his eyes. Plus, she'd had the total satisfaction of showing up to his little bubble and declaring that she knew exactly what he was up to. A small portion of revenge for him leaving her so abruptly.

Earlobes stinging with adrenalin, she left her car and stumbled along the fence waiting to come to an opening or a gate. She just hoped she'd see Carla's lights again when she trekked over the hill. Worn out grooves in the grass began to take the shape of a dirt road and Sophie risked her clothing and skin by pushing down the barbed wire fence and hauling a leg over at a time, careful not to release the tension of the wire up between her legs.

The triumph of saddling over the barb wire fence spurred on a little jog up an incline that she wished, although she could not actually see, would lead her to a house. Her cheeks stung and she promised herself that at the first sign of feeling too cold, she would turn back to her car, drive back through the city and all the way home to a steaming hot shower. But it was all lip service because at that moment she had started to feel really alive. Her mind broke way for a piercing, and strangely addictive, clarity. Clarity so gooey, yet sharp, that it made her shudder and nod at herself. 'Yes. Yes!' She whispered to herself. She was so glad that she'd chosen to do this.

As she stalked up the hill, her thoughts became even clearer. I won't even really need to say anything to Alex and Carla. They will just know too! We will all just know. They will look at me and know that we're all in this together. This is just part of the process of life! Alex will come home with me, Carla will understand and relinquish him with encouragement. Alex and I will be better than ever! Her eyesight changed from swimmy to hyper-focused like someone was adjusting a camera lens back and forth. As she discharged herself over the other side of the hill, the strange honeycomb of gentle lights of Carla's home that spread out before her were alluring.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

The lights, Sophie realised as her pace slowed and she came closer, were small fires dotted in no particular pattern, flanking one large fire that had been considerately built. Logs leaning on one another, arching up towards the sky, sparks overlapping each other to get higher and higher. But the fires were not what Sophie noticed the most. Beside a large reflective shed were many white tents, surrounded by rocks and strings of flowers and herbs.

Suddenly, Sophie's thoughts lost all their clarity and began to bang into one another, like people at a busy mall. The more she tried to focus on what she was seeing below her, the more it melted into a scene that felt simultaneously recognisable and strange.

People and activity started to dance before her, tack piano tunes hit the air and floated away before the next one rolled on coupled with the chink of mallet on steel like an echoing metronome, keeping time for all that work to a perfunctory beat. There were ropes and more ropes that all sorts of garments hung off and flapped around like seals clapping, whip cracks and hollering and the brinny of a horse collided mid-air. Despite the dark, everything seemed cased in a giant spotlight which made the fires and oil lamps and lanterns that hung from trees seem to twinkle brighter. An insect buzz of applause circled around her and her chest warmed as she felt pulled towards the pleasant chaos of the circus that spread out before her.

Hit with confusion, she touched her fingers to the dewy ground below her, trying to shake away the hallucination and root herself back into reality. And her mission to catch out Alex. But her fingers remained damp and the carnival stayed alive for a bit longer.

But then the picture fell away with the clap of someone's hands and she looked directly into the eyes of a warm faced man in his sixties. Ankles bare, his terracotta linen pants flapped on his legs as he darted towards Sophie and widening his arms in a low V shape, at hip height, leaving her questioning whether he intended to hug or hold hands or nothing at all.

'Hello there. This is a nice surprise,' the crinkle faced man said.

Sophie's eyes bounced over each grubby tent and finally settled to the nuggety man in front of her. Standing a few metres behind him, was a smiling woman with a slight flush, a ruddy nose set against pale skin. Her smile was strongly curved but each eye looked as if pulled upwards by stage hooks.

'I'm sorry to have crashed your camp. I'm actually looking for someone's house. I must have gotten lost,' Sophie confessed.

'There are not many houses around here,' the man chuckled with his whole face. He had a rim of hair that swooped at the back of his head from ear to ear and his syrupy brown eyes didn't end. He had a fatherly energy that Sophie realised that she'd been missing her whole life.

'Oh, I...' Sophie stopped short before she revealed herself to be following someone. Stalking someone? Was that what she was doing? Did that mean, Carla was camping with these people? Was Alex here

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