The Alchemist, Ben Jonson [best short novels TXT] 📗

epub:type="z3998:persona">Kastril

Nay, that look you to,
I am aforehand.

Subtle

O, this is no true grammar,
And as ill logic! You must render causes, child,
Your first and second intentions, know your canons
And your divisions, moods, degrees, and differences,
Your predicaments, substance, and accident,
Series, extern and intern, with their causes,
Efficient, material, formal, final,
And have your elements perfect.

Kastril

Aside. What is this?
The angry tongue he talks in?

Subtle

That false precept,
Of being aforehand, has deceived a number,
And made them enter quarrels, oftentimes,
Before they were aware; and afterward,
Against their wills.

Kastril

How must I do then, sir?

Subtle

I cry this lady mercy: she should first
Have been saluted.
Kisses her.
I do call you lady,
Because you are to be one, ere’t be long,
My soft and buxom widow.

Kastril

Is she, i’faith?

Subtle

Yes, or my art is an egregious liar.

Kastril

How know you?

Subtle

By inspection on her forehead,
And subtlety of her lip, which must be tasted
Often to make a judgment.
Kisses her again.
’Slight, she melts
Like a myrobolane:⁠—here is yet a line,
In rivo frontis, tells me he is no knight.

Dame Pliant

What is he then, sir?

Subtle

Let me see your hand.
O, your linea fortunae makes it plain;
And stella here in monte Veneris.
But, most of all, junctura annularis.
He is a soldier, or a man of art, lady,
But shall have some great honour shortly.

Dame Pliant

Brother,
He’s a rare man, believe me!

Re-enter Face, in his uniform. Kastril

Hold your peace.
Here comes the t’other rare man.⁠—’Save you, Captain.

Face

Good master Kastril! Is this your sister?

Kastril

Ay, sir.
Please you to kiss her, and be proud to know her.

Face

I shall be proud to know you, lady.

Kisses her. Dame Pliant

Brother,
He calls me lady too.

Kastril

Ay, peace: I heard it.

Takes her aside. Face

The count is come.

Subtle

Where is he?

Face

At the door.

Subtle

Why, you must entertain him.

Face

What will you do
With these the while?

Subtle

Why, have them up, and show them
Some fustian book, or the dark glass.

Face

’Fore God,
She is a delicate dabchick! I must have her.

Exit. Subtle

Must you! Ay, if your fortune will, you must.⁠—
Come, sir, the Captain will come to us presently:
I’ll have you to my chamber of demonstrations,
Where I will show you both the grammar and logic,
And rhetoric of quarrelling; my whole method
Drawn out in tables; and my instrument,
That hath the several scales upon’t, shall make you
Able to quarrel at a straw’s-breadth by moonlight.
And, lady, I’ll have you look in a glass,
Some half an hour, but to clear your eyesight,
Against you see your fortune; which is greater,
Than I may judge upon the sudden, trust me.

Exit, followed by Kastril and Dame Pliant. Re-enter Face. Face

Where are you, Doctor?

Subtle

Within. I’ll come to you presently.

Face

I will have this same widow, now I have seen her,
On any composition.

Re-enter Subtle. Subtle

What do you say?

Face

Have you disposed of them?

Subtle

I have sent them up.

Face

Subtle, in troth, I needs must have this widow.

Subtle

Is that the matter?

Face

Nay, but hear me.

Subtle

Go to.
If you rebel once, Dol shall know it all:
Therefore be quiet, and obey your chance.

Face

Nay, thou art so violent now⁠—Do but conceive,
Thou art old, and canst not serve⁠—

Subtle

Who cannot? I?
’Slight, I will serve her with thee, for a⁠—

Face

Nay,
But understand: I’ll give you composition.

Subtle

I will not treat with thee; what! Sell my fortune?
’Tis better than my birthright. Do not murmur:
Win her, and carry her. If you grumble, Dol
Knows it directly.

Face

Well, sir, I am silent.
Will you go help to fetch in Don in state?

Exit. Subtle

I follow you, sir. We must keep Face in awe,
Or he will overlook us like a tyrant.

Re-enter Face, introducing Surly disguised as a Spaniard.

Brain of a tailor! Who comes here? Don John!

Pertinax Surly

Señores, beso las manos a vuestras mercedes.

Subtle

Would you had stooped a little, and kissed our anos!

Face

Peace, Subtle.

Subtle

Stab me; I shall never hold, man.
He looks in that deep ruff like a head in a platter,
Served in by a short cloak upon two trestles.

Face

Or, what do you say to a collar of brawn, cut down
Beneath the souse, and wriggled with a knife?

Subtle

’Slud, he does look too fat to be a Spaniard.

Face

Perhaps some Fleming or some Hollander got him
In d’Alva’s time; Count Egmont’s bastard.

Subtle

Don,
Your scurvy, yellow, Madrid face is welcome.

Pertinax Surly

Gratia.

Subtle

He speaks out of a fortification.
Pray God he have no squibs in those deep sets.

Pertinax Surly

Por dios, señores, muy linda casa!

Subtle

What says he?

Face

Praises the house, I think;
I know no more but’s action.

Subtle

Yes, the casa,
My precious Diego, will prove fair enough
To cozen you in. Do you mark? You shall
Be cozened, Diego.

Face

Cozened, do you see,
My worthy Donzel, cozened.

Pertinax Surly

Entiendo.

Subtle

Do you intend it? So do we, dear Don.
Have you brought pistolets, or portagues,
My solemn Don?⁠—Dost thou feel any?

Face

Feels his pockets. Full.

Subtle

You shall be emptied, Don, pumped and drawn
Dry, as they say.

Face

Milked, in troth, sweet Don.

Subtle

See all the monsters; the great lion of all, Don.

Pertinax Surly

Con licencia, se puede ver a esta señora?

Subtle

What talks he now?

Face

Of the Señora.

Subtle

O, Don,
This is the lioness, which you shall see
Also, my Don.

Face

’Slid, Subtle, how shall we do?

Subtle

For what?

Face

Why Dol’s employed, you know.

Subtle

That’s true.
’Fore heaven, I know not: he must stay, that’s all.

Face

Stay! That he must not by no means.

Subtle

No! Why?

Face

Unless you’ll mar all. ’Slight, he will suspect it:
And then he will not pay, not half so well.
This is a travelled punk-master, and does know
All the delays; a notable hot rascal,
And looks already rampant.

Subtle

’Sdeath, and Mammon
Must not be troubled.

Face

Mammon! In no case.

Subtle

What shall we do then?

Face

Think: you must be sudden.

Pertinax Surly