The Alchemist, Ben Jonson [best short novels TXT] 📗
- Author: Ben Jonson
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Sir, you are abused.
KastrilYou lie:
And ’tis no matter.
Well said, sir! He is
The impudent’st rascal—
You are indeed: Will you hear me, sir?
FaceBy no means: bid him be gone.
KastrilBegone, sir, quickly.
Pertinax SurlyThis ’s strange!—Lady, do you inform your brother.
FaceThere is not such a foist in all the town,
The Doctor had him presently; and finds yet,
The Spanish Count will come here.
Aside.
—Bear up, Subtle.
Yes, sir, he must appear within this hour.
FaceAnd yet this rogue would come in a disguise,
By the temptation of another spirit,
To trouble our art, though he could not hurt it!
Ay,
I know—
To his sister.
Away, you talk like a foolish mauther.
Sir, all is truth she says.
FaceDo not believe him, sir.
He is the lying’st swabber! Come your ways, sir.
You are valiant out of company!
KastrilYes, how then, sir?
Enter Drugger, with a piece of damask. FaceNay, here’s an honest fellow, too, that knows him,
And all his tricks. Make good what I say, Abel,
Aside to Drugger.
This cheater would have cozened thee o’ the widow.—
He owes this honest Drugger here, seven pound,
He has had on him, in twopenny ’orths of tobacco.
Yes, sir. And he has damned himself three terms to pay me.
FaceAnd what does he owe for lotium?
DruggerThirty shillings, sir;
And for six syringes.
Hydra of villainy!
FaceNay, sir, you must quarrel him out o’ the house.
KastrilI will:
—Sir, if you get not out of doors, you lie;
And you are a pimp.
Why, this is madness, sir,
Not valour in you; I must laugh at this.
It is my humour: you are a pimp and a trig,
And an Amadis de Gaul, or a Don Quixote.
Or a knight o’ the curious coxcomb, do you see?
Enter Ananias. AnaniasPeace to the household!
KastrilI’ll keep peace for no man.
AnaniasCasting of dollars is concluded lawful.
KastrilIs he the constable?
SubtlePeace, Ananias.
FaceNo, sir.
KastrilThen you are an otter, and a shad, a whit,
A very tim.
You’ll hear me, sir?
KastrilI will not.
AnaniasWhat is the motive?
SubtleZeal in the young gentleman,
Against his Spanish slops.
They are profane,
Lewd, superstitious, and idolatrous breeches.
New rascals!
KastrilWill you begone, sir?
AnaniasAvoid, Satan!
Thou art not of the light: That ruff of pride
About thy neck, betrays thee; and is the same
With that which the unclean birds, in seventy-seven,
Were seen to prank it with on diverse coasts:
Thou look’st like Antichrist, in that lewd hat.
I must give way.
KastrilBe gone, sir.
Pertinax SurlyBut I’ll take
A course with you—
Depart, proud Spanish fiend!
Pertinax SurlyCaptain and Doctor.
AnaniasChild of perdition!
KastrilHence, sir!—
Exit Surly.Did I not quarrel bravely?
FaceYes, indeed, sir.
KastrilNay, an I give my mind to’t, I shall do’t.
FaceO, you must follow, sir, and threaten him tame:
He’ll turn again else.
I’ll return him then.
Exit. Subtle takes Ananias aside. FaceDrugger, this rogue prevented us for thee:
We had determined that thou should’st have come
In a Spanish suit, and have carried her so; and he,
A brokerly slave! Goes, puts it on himself.
Hast brought the damask?
Yes, sir.
FaceThou must borrow
A Spanish suit. Hast thou no credit with the players?
Yes, sir; did you never see me play the Fool?
FaceI know not, Nab: Aside.—Thou shalt, if I can help it.—
Hieronimo’s old cloak, ruff, and hat will serve;
I’ll tell thee more when thou bring’st ’em.
Sir, I know
The Spaniard hates the Brethren, and hath spies
Upon their actions: and that this was one
I make no scruple.—But the holy Synod
Have been in prayer and meditation for it;
And ’tis revealed no less to them than me,
That casting of money is most lawful.
True.
But here I cannot do it: if the house
Should chance to be suspected, all would out,
And we be locked up in the Tower forever,
To make gold there for the state, never come out;
And then are you defeated.
I will tell
This to the Elders and the weaker Brethren,
That the whole company of the separation
May join in humble prayer again.
And fasting.
AnaniasYea, for some fitter place. The peace of mind
Rest with these walls!
Thanks, courteous Ananias.
FaceWhat did he come for?
SubtleAbout casting dollars,
Presently out of hand. And so I told him,
A Spanish minister came here to spy,
Against the faithful—
I conceive. Come, Subtle,
Thou art so down upon the least disaster!
How wouldst thou ha’ done, if I had not help’t thee out?
I thank thee, Face, for the angry boy, i’faith.
FaceWho would have looked it should have been that rascal,
Surly? He had dyed his beard and all. Well, sir.
Here’s damask come to make you a suit.
Where’s Drugger?
FaceHe is gone to borrow me a Spanish habit;
I’ll be the count, now.
But where’s the widow?
FaceWithin, with my lord’s sister; Madam Dol
Is entertaining her.
By your favour, Face,
Now she is honest, I will stand again.
You will not offer it.
SubtleWhy?
FaceStand to your word,
Or—here comes Dol, she knows—
You are tyrannous still.
Enter Dol, hastily. FaceStrict for my right.—How now, Dol!
Hast [thou] told her,
The Spanish count will come?
Yes; but another is come,
You little looked for!
Who’s that?
Dol CommonYour master;
The master of the house.
How, Dol!
FaceShe lies,
This is some trick. Come, leave your quiblins, Dorothy.
Look out, and see.
Face goes to the window. SubtleArt thou in earnest?
Dol Common’Slight,
Forty of the neighbours are about him, talking.
’Tis he, by this good day.
Dol Common’Twill prove ill day
For some on us.
We are undone, and taken.
Dol CommonLost, I’m afraid.
SubtleYou said he would not come,
While there died one a week within the liberties.
No: ’twas within the walls.
SubtleWas’t so! Cry you
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