The Alchemist, Ben Jonson [best short novels TXT] 📗

the same. Enter Subtle, leading in Dapper, with his eyes bound as before. Subtle

How! You have eaten your gag?

Dapper

Yes faith, it crumbled
Away in my mouth.

Subtle

You have spoiled all then.

Dapper

No!
I hope my aunt of Fairy will forgive me.

Subtle

Your aunt’s a gracious lady; but in troth
You were to blame.

Dapper

The fume did overcome me,
And I did do’t to stay my stomach. ’Pray you
So satisfy her Grace.

Enter Face, in his uniform.

Here comes the Captain.

Face

How now! Is his mouth down?

Subtle

Ay, he has spoken!

Face

A pox, I heard him, and you too.⁠—He’s undone then.⁠—
I have been fain to say, the house is haunted
With spirits, to keep churl back.

Subtle

And hast thou done it?

Face

Sure, for this night.

Subtle

Why, then triumph and sing
Of Face so famous, the precious king
Of present wits.

Face

Did you not hear the coil
About the door?

Subtle

Yes, and I dwindled with it.

Face

Show him his aunt, and let him be dispatched:
I’ll send her to you.

Exit Face. Subtle

Well, sir, your aunt her Grace
Will give you audience presently, on my suit,
And the Captain’s word that you did not eat your gag
In any contempt of her Highness.

Unbinds his eyes. Dapper

Not I, in troth, sir.

Enter Dol, like the Queen of Fairy. Subtle

Here she is come. Down o’ your knees and wriggle:
She has a stately presence.
Dapper kneels, and shuffles towards her.
Good! Yet nearer,
And bid, God save you!

Dapper

Madam!

Subtle

And your aunt.

Dapper

And my most gracious aunt, God save your Grace.

Dol Common

Nephew, we thought to have been angry with you;
But that sweet face of yours hath turned the tide,
And made it flow with joy, that ebbed of love.
Arise, and touch our velvet gown.

Subtle

The skirts,
And kiss ’em. So!

Dol Common

Let me now stroke that head.
“Much, nephew, shalt thou win, much shalt thou spend,
Much shalt thou give away, much shalt thou lend.”

Subtle

Aside. Ay, much! Indeed.⁠—Why do you not thank her Grace?

Dapper

I cannot speak for joy.

Subtle

See, the kind wretch!
Your Grace’s kinsman right.

Dol Common

Give me the bird.
Here is your fly in a purse, about your neck, cousin;
Wear it, and feed it about this day sev’n-night,
On your right wrist⁠—

Subtle

Open a vein with a pin,
And let it suck but once a week; till then,
You must not look on’t.

Dol Common

No: and kinsman,
Bear yourself worthy of the blood you come on.

Subtle

Her Grace would have you eat no more Woolsack pies,
Nor Dagger frumety.

Dol Common

Nor break his fast
In Heaven and Hell.

Subtle

She’s with you everywhere!
Nor play with costermongers, at mum-chance, tray-trip,
God make you rich; (when as your aunt has done it);
But keep
The gallantest company, and the best games⁠—

Dapper

Yes, sir.

Subtle

Gleek and primero; and what you get, be true to us.

Dapper

By this hand, I will.

Subtle

You may bring’s a thousand pound
Before tomorrow night, if but three thousand
Be stirring, an you will.

Dapper

I swear I will then.

Subtle

Your fly will learn you all games.

Face

Within. Have you done there?

Subtle

Your Grace will command him no more duties?

Dol Common

No:
But come, and see me often. I may chance
To leave him three or four hundred chests of treasure,
And some twelve thousand acres of Fairyland,
If he game well and comely with good gamesters.

Subtle

There’s a kind aunt! Kiss her departing part.⁠—
But you must sell your forty mark a year, now.

Dapper

Ay, sir, I mean.

Subtle

Or, give’t away; pox on’t!

Dapper

I’ll give’t mine aunt. I’ll go and fetch the writings.

Exit. Subtle

’Tis well⁠—away!

Re-enter Face. Face

Where’s Subtle?

Subtle

Here: what news?

Face

Drugger is at the door, go take his suit,
And bid him fetch a parson, presently;
Say, he shall marry the widow. Thou shalt spend
A hundred pound by the service!

Exit Subtle.

Now, queen Dol,
Have you packed up all?

Dol Common

Yes.

Face

And how do you like
The lady Pliant?

Dol Common

A good dull innocent.

Re-enter Subtle. Subtle

Here’s your Hieronimo’s cloak and hat.

Face

Give me them.

Subtle

And the ruff too?

Face

Yes; I’ll come to you presently.

Exit. Subtle

Now he is gone about his project, Dol,
I told you of, for the widow.

Dol Common

’Tis direct
Against our articles.

Subtle

Well, we will fit him, wench.
Hast thou gulled her of her jewels or her bracelets?

Dol Common

No; but I will do’t.

Subtle

Soon at night, my Dolly,
When we are shipped, and all our goods aboard,
Eastward for Ratcliff, we will turn our course
To Brainford, westward, if thou sayst the word,
And take our leaves of this o’er-weening rascal,
This peremptory Face.

Dol Common

Content, I’m weary of him.

Subtle

Thou’st cause, when the slave will run a wiving, Dol,
Against the instrument that was drawn between us.

Dol Common

I’ll pluck his bird as bare as I can.

Subtle

Yes, tell her,
She must by any means address some present
To the cunning man, make him amends for wronging
His art with her suspicion; send a ring,
Or chain of pearl; she will be tortured else
Extremely in her sleep, say, and have strange things
Come to her. Wilt thou?

Dol Common

Yes.

Subtle

My fine flitter-mouse,
My bird o’ the night! We’ll tickle it at the Pigeons,
When we have all, and may unlock the trunks,
And say, this’s mine, and thine; and thine, and mine.

They kiss. Re-enter Face. Face

What now! A billing?

Subtle

Yes, a little exalted
In the good passage of our stock-affairs.

Face

Drugger has brought his parson; take him in, Subtle,
And send Nab back again to wash his face.

Subtle

I will: and shave himself?

Exit. Face

If you can get him.

Dol Common

You are hot upon it, Face, whate’er it is!

Face

A trick that Dol shall spend ten pound a month by.

Re-enter Subtle.

Is he gone?

Subtle

The chaplain waits you in the hall, sir.

Face

I’ll go bestow him.

Exit. Dol Common

He’ll now marry her, instantly.

Subtle

He cannot yet, he is not ready. Dear Dol,
Cozen her of all thou canst. To deceive him
Is no deceit, but justice,