Chances Come, Ney Mitch [snow like ashes series TXT] 📗

love you,” Richard supported, keeping his tone delicate, “let us pretend as if the world is a dark place for a moment, and there is no chance that a man can have any hope at all. What will happen if she does not love you?”

Darcy leaned back in his chair and looked down at his food.

“I suppose… I would be heartbroken.”

“Yes. I was worried that you would be. And, despite the world’s constant declarations that the pains of the heart are not something to be cared for or considered, they are there. No amount of logic will take it away.”

“Are you trying to frighten me?”

“No, I am simply making it evident that I shall be here for you.”

“Oh,” Darcy said. “Thank you, Richard, I appreciate it.”

“And… I also do not want you to go into this courtship believing that she will say yes. Too oft, we men go into a romance, believing the women will eventually say yes. And then, they are shocked to find that some women do not ever expect to. Here is my advice: get to know her, believing in yourself and hoping for the best sort of outcome. But acknowledge that things may not turn out as you desire. If you go into it with that sort of mindset, then you shall do everything right.”

Darcy answered, “But can I? I am worried that, after this discussion, I will be too nervous to say anything correctly to her. You know how it is with love. You want to be charming and possess the grandest suavity and gentility, but when you meet the woman, your tongue gets lost in the past.”

“Precisely.”

“When I speak with her, I lose my confidence and I sometimes misinterpret our conversations. I worry about reading her emotions erroneously.”

“Then tell her this.”

“What? Impossible.”

“Yes, very possible. Elizabeth is the sort of woman who, if you sincerely confess to a flaw, she will work herself around it, rather than working to get away from it. Or, at least, that is what I have deduced from her. If you are silent with her, tell her that you simply are worried about saying something that will give awkwardness, and this will give her the chance to make a decision about where you both ought to go from thenceforth. Give her power in the conversation. From what father says, women love that.”

Darcy chuckled.

“Yes, I suppose that they do.”

Both men returned to their dinner.

Chapter 6 The First Step

The next day, Jane and I received two letters: first, there was an invitation for the Gardiners and us to Mr. Darcy’s home. Yet, since the arrangement had already been made, it was more of a reminder that was done through formality.

The second was from Kitty, whose letter was a surprise. When sitting down to read it, Jane was nearby, so I began to speak it aloud.

Dear Jane and Lizzy,

I feel greatly used and quite put out. Oh, forgive me, I start at the end of things. Rest assured that all is well, and we have received no edicts from any quarter that is evicting us from the premises of Longbourn. We still have a home.

Yet, our peace in that quarter gives me the freedom and right to complain about trivial matters. Lizzy and Jane, news has been going around Meryton and Hertfordshire, that the soldiers are to leave Meryton. Yes, the militia is to vacate the premises and travel to Brighton where they shall stay.

This has, of course, been a great shock to all of us. Yet, unfairness has found its way into the situation as well. Colonel Forster’s wife, Mrs. Forster, asked and invited Lydia to go with her to Brighton, as her particular companion. Is it not fair? Mrs. Forster ought to have asked me as well as Lydia. I may not be her particular friend, but I have just as much a right as she has. Moreover, for I am two years older than Lydia. Lydia triumphs over me, and I confess, it makes me hate the sight of her. There, I said it! I know that you both are wishing to reprimand me for my passionate speech, but I am not going to apologize. For what are our voices if not to be raised every once in a while?

Yet, my feelings of ill-usage run deeper than that. I know that my feelings matter to no one—for I have been shown that on multiple occasions, but I tire of not being able to speak about it to a single creature. Please, be patient with me, and let me speak. Let me write how I feel and allow me to do so without fear of censure or of being despised.

Mrs. Forster’s asking Lydia to go, and not extending to offer the invitation to me as well… I believe it shows a deeper problem with my character. I feel as if—as if no one sees me. I am seldom invited anywhere; my words are never of weight to anyone. Faith, if I were to speak, does anyone even hear me?

Even a tree that falls in the woods, quite alone, has the right to be declared as making a sound. Yet, I feel as if I make no sound. Because no one hears me. Do I matter so little?

That is why I love the officers. They allow me to speak and therefore be heard. But I seem to be despised for it. Must I be shallow for wishing for an existence?

And now, to not be invited… in truth, it feels like a further confirmation of my non-existence. I seldom get invited anywhere. Our aunt and uncle love to invite you both to visit, but they do not see me. Perhaps they do not care for me. Do I make myself disagreeable? I thought I was always attempting to be pleasant enough.

I just desire… to be special in some way.

And I think—that I feel so alone, even when I am surrounded by others. What do you think that this pertains