The Merry Wives of Windsor, William Shakespeare [bearly read books txt] 📗

Page, I am glad to see you; much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?⁠—and I thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart. Page Sir, I thank you. Justice Shallow Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do. Page I am glad to see you, good Master Slender. Slender How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall. Page It could not be judged, sir. Slender You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess. Justice Shallow That he will not: ’tis your fault; ’tis your fault. ’Tis a good dog. Page A cur, sir. Justice Shallow Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog; can there be more said? he is good, and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here? Page Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you. Sir Hugh Evans It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak. Justice Shallow He hath wronged me, Master Page. Page Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. Justice Shallow If it be confessed, it is not redressed: is not that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he hath;⁠—at a word, he hath⁠—believe me; Robert Shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged. Page Here comes Sir John. Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. Falstaff Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the King? Justice Shallow Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge. Falstaff But not kiss’d your keeper’s daughter? Justice Shallow Tut, a pin! this shall be answered. Falstaff I will answer it straight: I have done all this. That is now answered. Justice Shallow The Council shall know this. Falstaff ’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: you’ll be laughed at. Sir Hugh Evans Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts. Falstaff Good worts! good cabbage! Slender, I broke your head; what matter have you against me? Slender Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket. Bardolph You Banbury cheese! He draws his sword. Slender Ay, it is no matter. Pistol How now, Mephostophilus! He also draws. Slender Faintly. Ay, it is no matter. Nym Pricks him with his sword. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! That’s my humour. Slender Desperate. Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin? Sir Hugh Evans Comes between them. Peace, I pray you. The three withdraw. Now let us understand. Takes out notebook. There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: writes that is⁠—Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter. Page We three to hear it and end it between them. Sir Hugh Evans Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my notebook; and we will afterwards ’ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can. He writes again. Falstaff Pistol! Pistol He hears with ears. Sir Hugh Evans Looks up. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, “He hears with ear”? Why, it is affectations. Falstaff Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse? Slender Ay, by these gloves, did he⁠—or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else!⁠—of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and two pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. Falstaff Is this true, Pistol? Sir Hugh Evans No, it is false, if it is a pick-purse. Pistol

Ha, thou mountain-foreigner!⁠—Sir John and master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.

Slender By these gloves, then, ’twas he. Pointing at Nym. Nym Be avised, sir, and pass good humours; I will say “marry trap” with you, if you run the nuthook’s humour on me; that is the very note of it. Slender By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Falstaff What say you, Scarlet and John? Bardolph Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Sir Hugh Evans It is his “five senses”; fie, what the ignorance is! Bardolph And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashier’d; and so conclusions passed the careires. Slender Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no matter; I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick; if I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. Sir Hugh Evans So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Falstaff You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it. Enter Anne Page with wine; Mistress Ford and Mistress Page following. Page Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we’ll drink within. Exit Anne Page. Slender O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page. Page How now, Mistress Ford! Falstaff Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met; by your leave, good mistress. Kissing her. Page Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. Exeunt all but Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans. Slender I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here. Enter Simple. How, Simple! Where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you? Simple Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas? Justice Shallow Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. Taking him by the arm. A word