behold it? My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.
They converse apart.
Host
Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavaliero?
Ford
None, I protest: but I’ll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him my name is Brook, only for a jest.
Host
My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight. Will you go, mynheers?
Going.
Justice Shallow
Have with you, mine host.
Page
I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier.
Justice Shallow
Tut, sir! I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: ’tis the heart, Master Page; ’tis here, ’tis here. I have seen the time with my long sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.
Host
Calling. Here, boys, here, here! Shall we wag?
Page
Have with you. I had rather hear them scold than fight.
Exeunt
Host,
Justice Shallow, and
Page.
Ford
Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife’s frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily. She was in his company at Page’s house, and what they made there I know not. Well, I will look further into’t; and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, ’tis labour well bestowed.
Exit.
Scene II
A room in the Garter Inn.
Enter
Falstaff and
Pistol.
Falstaff
I will not lend thee a penny.
Pistol
Why then, the world’s mine oyster,
Which I with sword will open.
I will retort the sum in equipage.
Falstaff
Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow, Nym; or else you had looked through the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends you were good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took’t upon mine honour thou hadst it not.
Pistol
Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen pence?
Falstaff
Reason, you rogue, reason. Thinkest thou I’ll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you: go: a short knife and a throng!—to your manor of Picht-hatch! go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue!—you stand upon your honour!—Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise. I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour! You will not do it, you!
Pistol
I do relent; what wouldst thou more of man?
Enter
Robin.
Robin
Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.
Falstaff
Let her approach.
Enter
Mistress Quickly.
Mistress Quickly
Curtsies. Give your worship good morrow.
Falstaff
Good morrow, good wife.
Mistress Quickly
Not so, an’t please your worship.
Falstaff
Good maid, then.
Mistress Quickly
I’ll be sworn;
As my mother was, the first hour I was born.
Falstaff
I do believe the swearer. What with me?
Mistress Quickly
Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?
Falstaff
Two thousand, fair woman; and I’ll vouchsafe thee the hearing.
Mistress Quickly
There is one Mistress Ford,
glances round at Pistol and Robin sir—I pray, come a little nearer this ways:—I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius.
Falstaff
Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say—
Mistress Quickly
Your worship says very true;—I pray your worship come a little nearer this ways.
Falstaff
I warrant thee nobody hears
waves his hand towards Pistol and Robin—mine own people, mine own people.
Mistress Quickly
Are they so? God bless them, and make them His servants!
Falstaff
Well: Mistress Ford, what of her?
Mistress Quickly
Why, sir, she’s a good creature. Lord, Lord! your worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray.
Falstaff
Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford—
Mistress Quickly
Marry, this is the short and the long of it. You have brought her into such a canaries as ’tis wonderful: the best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary; yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly—all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman’s heart; and I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all; and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her.
Falstaff
But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury.
Mistress Quickly
Marry, she hath received your letter; for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven.
Falstaff
Ten and eleven?
Mistress Quickly
Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the picture,
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