Major Barbara, George Bernard Shaw [bookstand for reading txt] 📗

a professor of Greek. Can you translate Charles Lomax’s remarks into reputable English for us? Cusins Cautiously. If I may say so, Lady Brit, I think Charles has rather happily expressed what we all feel. Homer, speaking of Autolycus, uses the same phrase. πυκινον δόμον ὲλθείν. means a bit thick. Lomax Handsomely. Not that I mind, you know, if Sarah don’t. Lady Britomart Crushingly. Thank you. Have I your permission, Adolphus, to invite my own husband to my own house? Cusins Gallantly. You have my unhesitating support in everything you do. Lady Britomart Sarah: have you nothing to say? Sarah Do you mean that he is coming regularly to live here? Lady Britomart Certainly not. The spare room is ready for him if he likes to stay for a day or two and see a little more of you; but there are limits. Sarah Well, he can’t eat us, I suppose. I don’t mind. Lomax Chuckling. I wonder how the old man will take it. Lady Britomart Much as the old woman will, no doubt, Charles. Lomax Abashed. I didn’t mean⁠—at least⁠— Lady Britomart You didn’t think, Charles. You never do; and the result is, you never mean anything. And now please attend to me, children. Your father will be quite a stranger to us. Lomax I suppose he hasn’t seen Sarah since she was a little kid. Lady Britomart Not since she was a little kid, Charles, as you express it with that elegance of diction and refinement of thought that seem never to desert you. Accordingly⁠—er⁠—Impatiently. Now I have forgotten what I was going to say. That comes of your provoking me to be sarcastic, Charles. Adolphus: will you kindly tell me where I was. Cusins Sweetly. You were saying that as Mr. Undershaft has not seen his children since they were babies, he will form his opinion of the way you have brought them up from their behavior tonight, and that therefore you wish us all to be particularly careful to conduct ourselves well, especially Charles. Lomax Look here: Lady Brit didn’t say that. Lady Britomart Vehemently. I did, Charles. Adolphus’s recollection is perfectly correct. It is most important that you should be good; and I do beg you for once not to pair off into opposite corners and giggle and whisper while I am speaking to your father. Barbara All right, mother. We’ll do you credit. Lady Britomart Remember, Charles, that Sarah will want to feel proud of you instead of ashamed of you. Lomax Oh I say! There’s nothing to be exactly proud of, don’t you know. Lady Britomart Well, try and look as if there was. Morrison, pale and dismayed, breaks into the room in unconcealed disorder. Morrison Might I speak a word to you, my lady? Lady Britomart Nonsense! Show him up. Morrison Yes, my lady. He goes. Lomax Does Morrison know who he is? Lady Britomart Of course. Morrison has always been with us. Lomax It must be a regular corker for him, don’t you know. Lady Britomart Is this a moment to get on my nerves, Charles, with your outrageous expressions? Lomax But this is something out of the ordinary, really⁠— Morrison At the door. The⁠—er⁠—Mr. Undershaft. He retreats in confusion. Andrew Undershaft comes in. All rise. Lady Britomart meets him in the middle of the room behind the settee. Andrew is, on the surface, a stoutish, easygoing elderly man, with kindly patient manners, and an engaging simplicity of character. But he has a watchful, deliberate, waiting, listening face, and formidable reserves of power, both bodily and mental, in his capacious chest and long head. His gentleness is partly that of a strong man who has learnt by experience that his natural grip hurts ordinary people unless he handles them very carefully, and partly the mellowness of age and success. He is also a little shy in his present very delicate situation. Lady Britomart Good evening, Andrew. Undershaft How d’ye do, my dear. Lady Britomart You look a good deal older. Undershaft Apologetically. I am somewhat older. With a touch of courtship. Time has stood still with you. Lady Britomart Promptly. Rubbish! This is your family. Undershaft Surprised. Is it so large? I am sorry to say my memory is failing very badly in some things. He offers his hand with paternal kindness to Lomax. Lomax Jerkily shaking his hand. Ahdedoo. Undershaft I can see you are my eldest. I am very glad to meet you again, my boy. Lomax Remonstrating. No but look here don’t you know⁠—Overcome. Oh I say! Lady Britomart Recovering from momentary speechlessness. Andrew: do you mean to say that you don’t remember how many children you have? Undershaft Well, I am afraid I⁠—. They have grown so much⁠—er. Am I making any ridiculous mistake? I may as well confess: I recollect only one son. But so many things have happened since, of course⁠—er⁠— Lady Britomart Decisively. Andrew: you are talking nonsense. Of course you have only one son. Undershaft Perhaps you will be good enough to introduce me, my dear. Lady Britomart That is Charles Lomax, who is engaged to Sarah. Undershaft My dear sir, I beg your pardon. Lomax Not at all. Delighted, I assure you. Lady Britomart This is Stephen. Undershaft Bowing. Happy to make your acquaintance, Mr. Stephen. Then going to Cusins. you must be my son. Taking Cusins’ hands in his. How are you, my young friend? To Lady Britomart. He is very like you, my love. Cusins You flatter me, Mr. Undershaft. My name is Cusins: engaged to Barbara. Very explicitly. That is Major Barbara Undershaft, of the Salvation Army. That is Sarah, your second daughter. This is Stephen Undershaft, your son. Undershaft My dear Stephen, I beg your pardon. Stephen Not at all. Undershaft Mr. Cusins: I am much indebted to you for explaining so precisely. Turning to Sarah. Barbara, my dear⁠— Sarah Prompting him. Sarah. Undershaft Sarah, of course. They shake hands. He goes over to Barbara. Barbara⁠—I am right this time, I hope. Barbara Quite right. They shake hands. Lady Britomart Resuming command. Sit down, all