Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men, Wonderly, Morgan [best ereader manga txt] 📗

wished. Once men are clear on what we like, it gives them the freedom to be more spontaneous in the future without our having to be so specific every time.

Remember that a man wants to know what we do want, not what we don’t. If we only tell him what we don’t want, he doesn’t know what to give; he’s frustrated because he doesn’t know what will make us happy. So, give men a clear, definite goal and they will follow through because they sincerely do want to win with us.

“Do your best to help your man ‘win’ with you, as often as possible, and offering gratitude and praise when he does. I think most women would be surprised how much love and loyalty a simple thing like that can build!”

– Paul J., Quebec, Canada

Men Need to Know Their Roles

Another way men can win with us is to have clearly defined relationship roles up front. They want to know who cooks, who changes the oil, who does the dishes, who buys the groceries, who makes the bed, who does the laundry, and who’s expected to make what amount of money. If these roles are ever-changing, ever shifting like Sahara sand dunes, a man never knows where he stands. Unclear roles don’t suit his masculine psyche at all. That’s too complex. When it comes to their roles, men prefer concrete and consistent, not ambiguous and changing.

On a similar note, men don’t mind “honey-do” lists. Indeed, they love challenges and accomplishments. They appreciate having a specific list to work from, as long as it’s presented without being demanding and fits their specific strengths. But, avoid loading him up with a lengthy list of un-masculine tasks that make him feel like a boy being assigned chores by his mother.

So, take your time when creating a list of what you want your man to do, so you can make it detailed. For instance, instead of just writing down, “Stop at the store for milk,” specify, “Get a half gallon of Sunny Fresh brand 2% milk in the orange and yellow carton.” Detailed lists and other forms of direct communication set men up to win, and winning makes them feel more masculine. Men love objectivity: Instead of, “Honey, could you come here?” ask “Honey, would you lift this box for me?”

He doesn’t want his home to be turned into another workplace. He regards it as his rest place, a safe haven. Men want to know when they can relax without fear of being interrupted. They want to know they are free to go into their caves when a task is done, which could include having time to themselves in the garage to tinker or build things. It’s time when they can think and solve problems. Once a man is finished with his list of tasks, his psyche is at ease. Nothing more is hanging over his head.

So batch up the work you want men to do. Doling it out piecemeal is torture to a man. He will feel he gets penalized for being efficient. The faster he gets the tasks done, the more work he is given to do. “Oh! So you’re done with washing the car and taking out the trash? Well! Here are another three additional tasks you can do!” When a man has done everything on the list, leave him alone. Don’t discover something else that needs doing. Save that for another day, another list.

In addition, men consider the work they do outdoors as part of household work, e.g., mowing the lawn, painting the house, installing a fence, tending a garden, or walking the dog. We women sometimes see such activities as being “just his job” and don’t give credit or appreciation because it’s not work done in the house. For us it’s “out of house, out of mind.” But that’s not how he sees it.

Men care about meaning in their work. It’s not so much about the work itself. It’s about their work being useful and meaningful. A man wants to know that his work made a difference in the life of his woman, or in others. When men receive gratitude and recognition, it confirms for them that they did meaningful work. If we don’t tell them, how will they know?

Men Need Affection

Of course men need sex, but for us to think sex is all they want when it comes to physical affection is to not understand them. We women don’t realize how much men depend on touch. Men need simple affections because they see them as a form of admiration. To a man, affection and admiration go hand in hand.

“When I’m talking with a woman, I love it when she occasionally touches me on the arm or shoulder. That tells me she’s interested in what I’m saying, which makes me feel masculine.”

– Rick, engineer, San Diego

When men are babies and youngsters, they receive ample affection from their mothers, but at a certain age, they are expected to pull away from their mothers as they become more independent. From that time on until they have a girlfriend or wife, most men rarely get touched. Even married men can be touch-starved if their wives are not affectionate. And if a man gets divorced, he may endure little-to-no touch for years.

“Men suffer more from lack of physical touch than women do. Men rely on their partner for intimacy and touch.”

– Irving, Engineer, San Diego

We often don’t realize the longing men have because we women have many more opportunities to touch and be touched. We don’t know what it means to be touch-starved. Women can freely touch other women, women can touch children, and women can touch men—even at work. But because of our societal norms, men are extremely limited in whom they can and can’t touch.

I found through my conversations with men that one of the top ways men feel loved is though physical touch.

“It’s so true that as a man, I need affection, though it’s not