Short Fiction, Vladimir Korolenko [finding audrey TXT] 📗

him in silence. The scoffers grew quiet, and many crossed themselves. That was the way he affected them, sir!

“As for me, I yielded myself completely to his influence. For at that time my faith was unsettled, and this man seemed to me like the righteous men of old. I had made no friends in the prison; indeed, I had hardly spoken to anyone, and of the conversation around me I took no more heed than of the buzzing of flies.⁠ ⁠… Whatever my thoughts were, whether good or bad, I kept them to myself, and shared them with no one. I made up my mind that I would, if possible, make my way into the cell where the old man was kept in solitary confinement, and, watching my chance, I gave five kopeks to the guards, who allowed me to pass; and afterwards they used to let me in without any bribe. 1 looked in at his window, and saw an old man walking to and fro, muttering to himself, his shackles dragging behind him as he went. When he saw me, he turned, and came up to the door. ‘What do you want?’ he asked.⁠—‘Nothing in particular,’ I said; ‘I have come to make you a call. I thought you might be lonely.’⁠—‘I am not alone here,’ he said; ‘I am with God, and one is never lonely who dwells with God. Still, I am glad to see a good man.’⁠—And thus I stood facing him, looking so like a fool that he could not help noticing my expression; but he said nothing, only gazed at me and shook his head. One day he said to me, ‘Draw back a little from the window, my lad; I want to get a better look at you.’ I stepped back, and he put his eye to the opening, and, after gazing long at me, he said: ‘Tell me something about yourself!’

“ ‘What is there to tell!’ I said; ‘I am a ruined man!’⁠—‘Can I trust you?’ he asked, ‘You will not deceive me?’⁠—‘I have never deceived anyone, and surely I would not deceive you. I will do anything for you.’ He thought awhile, and then he said: ‘I want to send someone outside tonight. Will you go?’⁠—‘How can I get out?’ I asked.⁠—‘I will teach you,’ he said. And his instructions were so successful that I left the prison that night, as easily as if it had been my own hut. I found the man to whom I was sent, and gave him the message, but, when on my way back the next morning, I must admit that, as I was approaching the prison, just before daybreak, a sense of excitement came over me. Why should I remain a prisoner of my own accord? Since I was free, the best thing I could do would be to leave those parts. The prison was in the country, and a broad highway lay before me. The dew glistened on the grass; it was close upon harvest-time. Beyond the river, I could hear the gentle soughing of the forest.⁠ ⁠… A lovely picture! And behind me stood the prison, frowning and blinking like an owl.⁠ ⁠… At night, when all is still, one does not care; but by daylight!⁠ ⁠… When I thought of the busy day spinning like a wheel, it seemed as though I could not bear it. My heart leaped within me, and the temptation to follow the road, to regain my lost liberty, and to roam hither and yonder at my own will, was almost too strong for me.⁠ ⁠… But when I remembered the old man, I felt that I could not deceive him. Stretching myself out on the grass, with my face downward, I rested awhile; then rose, and, without once looking back, took the direction of the prison. Looking up as I approached, I saw my old man in the tower, where our secret cells were, sitting by the window, watching me from behind the bars.

“During the day, I found a chance to glide into his cell and tell him how I had carried out his orders. He looked more cheerful, as he said to me: ‘Thank you, my child! You have done me a great favor; I shall never forget it.’ And after a pause he added, smiling, ‘I suppose you are anxious to be free?’⁠—‘Yes, I am anxious, more than words can say.’⁠—‘I thought so. And what brought you here!’⁠—‘My own folly; I have committed no crime.’ He shook his head and said: ‘It makes me sad to see you. God has given you so much strength; you are no longer a boy, and yet you know very little about life. Here you are locked up.⁠ ⁠… And what is the good of it? The world, it is true, is full of sin, and yet it is in the world that you work out your salvation.⁠ ⁠…’⁠—‘Yes, I know there is sin in the world,’ I replied, ‘but there is just as much of it here, where there is nothing to be gained by sinning.’⁠—‘Have you repented of your own sins?’ he inquired.

“ ‘I am disgusted with myself!’

“ ‘Disgusted, and yet you know not why. This is not true repentance. True repentance is sweet. Listen, and remember what I tell you: God alone is without sin; man is a sinner by his very nature, and is saved by repentance alone. He must repent of his sins. How is he to repent who has committed no sin? And yet unless he does repent, we are told, he cannot be saved. Do you understand?’

“At the time, I must admit, I understood his words imperfectly; yet they sounded like good words. I had thought much about my own life: other people seemed to live their lives for some purpose, but not I; I was like the field-grass or a fox in the woods⁠—no good to myself or to others. To be sure, if I were living in the world, I should probably be sinning, and here I was