Nearly Departed, Max Schlienger [the gingerbread man read aloud txt] 📗

“Dennis, would you forget about your costume?”

“Because, frankly, I always thought that the hat was a bit much.”

Another noise emanated from Alena’s lips, but some of the anger had subsided. She let out an exasperated sigh and held her face in her hands.

“You know, I married you because you were silly, but sometimes it gets to be a little much.” Her voice was muffled by her palms, and sounded a bit like she was talking through a traffic cone.

“The glasses are okay, though, right?” Dennis asked, pretending not to hear. He pulled out the spectacles, which were bent but still intact. “I think they make me look distinguished.” He put them on and looked up at Alena, an innocent expression on his face. She moved her hands and finally, thankfully, a smile broke through her hardened frown.

“God, Dennis,” she groaned. She sat down on the couch at the opposite wall. “You are impossible to argue with.” She rested her elbows on her knees, and held her chin against the knuckles of her clasped hands.

“I guess that’s why I always win,” Dennis replied. He took off the glasses and adopted a more serious tone. “Listen, I don’t have to cash the check. I can just throw it away, and Elspeth will never know.”

“Thank you,” said Alena quietly. She looked up at him imploringly. “Dennis, you don’t really believe all this nonsense about ghosts, do you? It’s just an act, right?”

Dennis didn’t answer immediately. If he was honest about what he had seen, Alena would undoubtedly take it very badly. She was under enough pressure at her studio, and Dennis didn’t like the idea of adding any more weight to her mental load. On the other hand, he liked the idea of lying to her even less, but he didn’t see much choice.

“Come on,” Dennis said, waving his hand dismissively. “I have to pretend to go along with this stuff, and sometimes I get carried away, but you know me better than to think that I’m actually buying any of it.” He gave Alena a lopsided smile, and watched as she relaxed.

“You had me worried for a minute,” she replied. She closed her eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry, Dennis, it’s just that things are pretty crazy right now. I don’t need to think that my husband is, too.”

“Rest assured,” said Dennis, “that my sanity is not being called into question.” Even as he said it, Dennis wondered if he had told a second untruth. Any sane person would know better than to believe in ghosts, and yet there he was, scrambling to cover up the fact that he found their presence to be considerably more likely than he ever had before. His gaze drifted towards his feet as his brow furrowed in thought. The situation also brought to mind a second question: What if he had encountered a real ghost before, but had been too closed-minded to see it? He doubted that any of his past clients had actually been plagued by a spectral stalker, but the possibility that he was wrong had been made horrendously apparent.

“Are you okay?” Alena asked, shaking Dennis from his musings.

“Yeah,” he answered absent-mindedly. He shook his head, still staring at the floor. “Sorry, I was just thinking about this whole thing.”

“What whole thing?”

“I think,” Dennis said, choosing his words carefully, “that this might be the last job I do for Sam.” He looked up at Alena. She said looked curious, albeit skeptical. “I mean it,” Dennis continued. “I’m not really getting any material for my next book, and if he’s in some kind of legal trouble, then I don’t want to get involved.” He neglected to add that his encounter with Evy seemed like it would probably provide him with all the inspiration he would need.

“If you’re sure that’s what you want,” Alena answered. Dennis struggled to keep his face even as he met her gaze.

“I promise,” he said firmly, “that once this business with Elspeth is done, I’ll hang up the hat forever.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Just so you know,” Alena continued, a hidden smile tugging at the corners of her eyes, “you’re right about the hat.”

“Yeah,” Dennis agreed, turning the object over in his hands. “It does look pretty silly on me, doesn’t it?”

“I would have used a different word,” she hinted wryly.

“Don’t say it.”

Alena’s mischievous grin stretched to show her teeth. “Don’t say what?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Dennis muttered.

“Why, Dennis, are you saying you think your hat looks…” she trailed off, but kept an eyebrow raised in expectation.

Dennis growled under his breath. “Fine,” he said. “You’re right.” He took a deep breath and glared into Alena’s impish smirk. “My hat looks goofy.”

Try as he might, Dennis couldn’t keep a straight face in response to Alena’s laughter.

Chapter Six

Anyone who referred to the internet as “The Information Superhighway” had clearly never used it. Dennis had been sitting at his computer for the better part of the day, trying to find some reference to haunted furniture. When that pursuit had ended without any useful results, he had expanded his search to include haunted houses, and finally, ghosts in general. Although there was a plethora of pages dedicated to every aspect of the supernatural, each of them had been as unhelpful as the next. The only common point they shared was to state that ghosts were, with few exceptions, dead.

He halfheartedly clicked through another set of search results. Up until then, he had browsed through countless articles, each claiming to be the only “expert knowledge” on the subject. There had also been several collections of stories, and more than a few online shops with stores of junk that rivaled Bobo’s. The few times that Dennis thought he might have stumbled on a piece of pertinent information, he had been quickly disappointed.

With a sigh, he pushed himself away from the screen. He had taken a few notes, but his natural skepticism had kept him from amassing more than