Man and Superman, George Bernard Shaw [hardest books to read txt] 📗

not at all affect the gentleman in his speech, it may be inferred that his smart appearance is a mark of respect to himself and his own class, not to that which employs him. He now gets into the car to test his machinery and put his cap and overcoat on again. Tanner takes off his leather overcoat and pitches it into the car. The chauffeur (or automobilist or motoreer or whatever England may presently decide to call him) looks round inquiringly in the act of stowing away his hammer. The Chauffeur Had enough of it, eh? Tanner I may as well walk to the house and stretch my legs and calm my nerves a little. Looking at his watch. I suppose you know that we have come from Hyde Park Corner to Richmond in twenty-one minutes. The Chauffeur I’d have done it under fifteen if I’d had a clear road all the way. Tanner Why do you do it? Is it for love of sport or for the fun of terrifying your unfortunate employer? The Chauffeur What are you afraid of? Tanner The police, and breaking my neck. The Chauffeur Well, if you like easy going, you can take a bus, you know. It’s cheaper. You pay me to save your time and give you the value of your thousand pound car. He sits down calmly. Tanner I am the slave of that car and of you too. I dream of the accursed thing at night. The Chauffeur You’ll get over that. If you’re going up to the house, may I ask how long you’re goin to stay there? Because if you mean to put in the whole morning talkin to the ladies, I’ll put the car in the stables and make myself comfortable. If not, I’ll keep the car on the go about here til you come. Tanner Better wait here. We shan’t be long. There’s a young American gentleman, a Mr. Malone, who is driving Mr. Robinson down in his new American steam car. The Chauffeur Springing up and coming hastily out of the car to Tanner. American steam car! Wot! racin us down from London! Tanner Perhaps they’re here already. The Chauffeur If I’d known it! With deep reproach. Why didn’t you tell me, Mr. Tanner? Tanner Because I’ve been told that this car is capable of 84 miles an hour; and I already know what you are capable of when there is a rival car on the road. No, Henry: there are things it is not good for you to know; and this was one of them. However, cheer up: we are going to have a day after your own heart. The American is to take Mr. Robinson and his sister and Miss Whitefield. We are to take Miss Rhoda. The Chauffeur Consoled, and musing on another matter. That’s Miss Whitefield’s sister, isn’t it? Tanner Yes. The Chauffeur And Miss Whitefield herself is goin in the other car? Not with you? Tanner Why the devil should she come with me? Mr. Robinson will be in the other car. The Chauffeur looks at Tanner with cool incredulity, and turns to the car, whistling a popular air softly to himself. Tanner, a little annoyed, is about to pursue the subject when he hears the footsteps of Octavius on the gravel. Octavius is coming from the house, dressed for motoring, but without his overcoat. We’ve lost the race, thank Heaven: here’s Mr. Robinson. Well, Tavy, is the steam car a success? Octavius I think so. We came from Hyde Park Corner here in seventeen minutes. The Chauffeur, furious, kicks the car with a groan of vexation. How long were you? Tanner Oh, about three quarters of an hour or so. The Chauffeur Remonstrating. Now, now, Mr. Tanner, come now! We could ha done it easy under fifteen. Tanner By the way, let me introduce you. Mr. Octavius Robinson: Mr. Enry Straker. Straker Pleased to meet you, sir. Mr. Tanner is gittin at you with his Enry Straker, you know. You call it Henery. But I don’t mind, bless you. Tanner You think it’s simply bad taste in me to chaff him, Tavy. But you’re wrong. This man takes more trouble to drop his aiches than ever his father did to pick them up. It’s a mark of caste to him. I have never met anybody more swollen with the pride of class than Enry is. Straker Easy, easy! A little moderation, Mr. Tanner. Tanner A little moderation, Tavy, you observe. You would tell me to draw it mild. But this chap has been educated. What’s more, he knows that we haven’t. What was that board school of yours, Straker? Straker Sherbrooke Road. Tanner Sherbrooke Road! Would any of us say Rugby! Harrow! Eton! in that tone of intellectual snobbery? Sherbrooke Road is a place where boys learn something; Eton is a boy farm where we are sent because we are nuisances at home, and because in after life, whenever a Duke is mentioned, we can claim him as an old schoolfellow. Straker You don’t know nothing about it, Mr. Tanner. It’s not the Board School that does it: it’s the Polytechnic. Tanner His university, Octavius. Not Oxford, Cambridge, Durham, Dublin or Glasgow. Not even those Nonconformist holes in Wales. No, Tavy. Regent Street, Chelsea, the Borough⁠—I don’t know half their confounded names: these are his universities, not mere shops for selling class limitations like ours. You despise Oxford, Enry, don’t you? Straker No, I don’t. Very nice sort of place, Oxford, I should think, for people that like that sort of place. They teach you to be a gentleman there. In the Polytechnic they teach you to be an engineer or suchlike. See? Tanner Sarcasm, Tavy, sarcasm! Oh, if you could only see into Enry’s soul, the depth of his contempt for a gentleman, the arrogance of his pride in being an engineer, would appal you. He positively likes the car to break down because it brings out my gentlemanly helplessness and his workmanlike skill and resource. Straker Never you mind him, Mr. Robinson. He likes to talk. We know him, don’t we? Octavius Earnestly. But there’s a