Here Be Dragons - 1, Sharon Penman [e novels to read online txt] 📗

hour unle u had news of grave import.Her breathing quickened, for these month -6 isolation had honed her nerves to the breaking point. All too often h" tormented herself with morbid visions ofLlewelyn lying ill and fever k refusing to send for her, damning her with his dying breath ne knowing that she loved him still. She'd become obsessed with this fe that death would end their estrangement, that as it had happened withJohn, so, too, would it happen with Llewelyn, and she rose hastily t her feet as the door opened.Bran's somber face did nothing to reassure her. "Madame," he said "my lord is here to see you."Joanna stared at him, doubt giving way to dawning joy, for Bran was Davydd's man and it did not occur to her that he could mean anyone but her son. WhenBran stepped back, she was stunned at sight of her husband.Llewelyn closed the door with deliberation, but he did not slide the bolt into place. There was a part of Joanna's mind that noted this, for she seemed suddenly able to focus only upon irrelevancies, and she found herself noting, too, that the wool of his mantle was dry. The storm must still be nigh, she thought, and then: How tired he looks, and thinner; he's not eating as he ought."Well?" Llewelyn said, and the challenging, hostile tone of his voice brought her abruptly back to the realities of their respective positions "Have you nothing to say to me?"Joanna swallowed. "These months past," she said huskily, "I've begged theAlmighty for but one favor, that I might see you once more, have the chance to explain. Now . . . now you are here and suddenly I do not know where to begin.""I want the truth from you. Not what you think I'd rather hear, or what you'd have me believe. Can I trust you for that much, for the truth?"He'd turned words into weapons, each one inflicting a wound ot i own. Joanna nodded. "Yes," she whispered. "I will tell you the truth. But what was it? If only she could think coherently, calmly. Why had not forewarned her of his coming, given her time to prepare? She why, though. His was first and foremost a military mind, trained o advantage of surprise. He'd removed his mantle, flung it care's across a coffer, but she read tension in his stance, in every line .gen body, and she changed her mind as she watched him. Tner ^nothing premeditated about this visit; his was the taut wariness man acting on impulse, acting against his better instincts.

673j-[e had yet to unbuckle his scabbard, had yet to move away from door Over the years she'd seen his moods range across the emo-j spectrum, had seen him enraged, jubilant, disheartened, sar, n)C> playful, calculating, and occasionally frightened But never had ue seen him so obviously ill at ease"Elen told me that you did not bring de Braose to our bedchamber that night Is that true?""Yes," Joanna said "I swear it " But how could she make him be, eve that7 Her eyes strayed from his face to the open casket, and then sne was rummaging through the letters, scattering them about the table m her heedless haste"This letter explains it better than I could Will you read it, Llewelyn?Please7" She held out the sealed parchment to him, their fingers brushed as he took it, and she was jolted by even so brief and casual a contact as that Did he feel it, too7 She could not tell, for he was turning away, shifting so that she could not watch his face as he readThe few moments it took him to scan her letter encompassed an eternity forJoanna "I tried to tell you," she said "And when I could not see you, I wrote that letter But you sent it back unread "Llewelyn glanced again at the letter and then dropped it onto the table "It would not have mattered I'd not have believed you ""Do you believe me now7" she asked, but he did not answer her Moving to the far side of the table, he reached for the flagon, splashed wine into an earthenware cup Joanna watched, bracing herself for whatever was to comeHis first question, though, was utterly unexpected"Do you blame me for his death7"She gave a startled shake of her head "No, of course not You had the right "His eyes had narrowed "You did not mourn him7"She shook her head again, and he took a step toward her "And what you said in your letter, it was true7 You did not love him7""No, never " She drew a sharp, shuddering breath "In all honesty, 1 am not sure I even liked himHis mouth twisted Striding forward, he grasped her by the wrist *nd jerked her toward him "Then why did you do it7 If you did not love m< why did you lay with him7 What did you get in his bed that you c°uld not get in mine7"She gasped and he loosened his grip But although she'd later findI 1Ses upon her wrist, now she did not even feel the pain Was there no^e damage she'd done7 That Llewelyn of all men, Llewelyn° was so confident, so secure in his sense of self, secure in his man-a< that he should have succumbed to doubts of this dark nature

6747675Jesu, if only she had could not have beenJesu, if only she had those October afternoons to live over' Her mfid i could not have been better calculated to penetrate her husband's arm ^ to strike with devastating effect at his one vulnerability, that he w *' man wed to a much younger wife A wife who'd then taken a love 1thirty-two"Beloved, no, it was not like that1 No great passion burned betvve us I swear it, Llewelyn, swear upon all the saints," she cried, for at th moment she was willing