Chances Come, Ney Mitch [snow like ashes series TXT] 📗

for each other. I was relieved when it came to nothing. And yet, he came here, proposed, and was vicious when you refused him. Now, I have learned to be extra cautious. I do not want Jane to undergo another heartbreak.”

“She will not. Mr. Darcy will not allow her to get hurt once more.”

“Yes,” Aunt Gardiner whispered, giving me a coy look, “your Mr. Darcy.”

I felt myself blush. “He is not my Mr. Darcy, Aunt.”

“I think that he has it in himself to desire it.”

“You do?”

“Yes. It is quite clear. Do you not think that he is in love with you? He desired you all to stay with him at his home.”

“I thought that he mostly did it to make amends to Jane for separating her from—”

I cut myself off before I could say more.

“What are you talking about?” Aunt Gardiner inquired.

“I cannot tell you. I wish that I could, but I cannot. It is a great secret.”

“Very well. I shall not ask you to break your confidence.”

“Aunt, I want to believe that Mr. Darcy may feel for me, but just in case I am in error, I do not want to see something that is not there.”

“Let us not care about what he feels for the moment. Let us talk of your feelings. Lizzy, do you still feel a deep attraction to Mr. Darcy?”

I stopped packing and looked ahead. Now that it came time to talk about it, I was suddenly so very nervous again. I opened my mouth, but then I closed it again.

“Lizzy?”

“Sorry, Aunt. You know how you think of something often, but when it is time to talk of it, you do not have the words?”

“Yes, I do. Especially if the subject matter is as heavy as this.”

I stopped packing and sat down on the bed. “Indeed. Yet, now that it comes down to it, I am so very nervous. So insecure. My courage is escaping me, and I do not know why.”

“Lizzy, there is no judgment from my part. You are amongst family now.”

“Yes, you are correct.”

“How strong are your feelings for him?”

“We are in a world where it is inappropriate for a woman to admit to falling in love with a man even before he has decided if he is in love with her,” I teased.

“Never fear. I am not so backward in my thinking. But love? Do you finally feel that you are… in love with him?”

“I have never fully been in love before. Or at least, not in this sort of way. Therefore, I do not know what I am feeling is love.”

“You do not have to have experienced it before to know that it has found you. Do you feel miserable when he is not near you?”

“Yes!” I gasped. “I wish to see him all the time. And I secretly get upset if I do not see him ere long. When I came to London, I threatened to seek him out even if he did not come to me first.”

“You did that?”

“I had selfless reasons for doing it, but if I had fallen in love with him, then I would have done the same thing.” Slowly, I stood and glanced toward the window. “I feel anxiety over him. I feel my stomach getting upset at times, and I wonder what he is often thinking.”

“Then, Lizzy, you are in love with him,” her aunt assured her.

“I am in love with a man who is wealthy, who comes from one of the best families in England, who could marry royalty if he set his mind to it, and who has ten thousand pounds a year. I am in love with Mr. Darcy.”

I turned in a circle and lifted my hands to my cheeks. “Dear me, that is frightening to say out loud. How can I be happy over being in love with a man who can easily not ever be in love with me?”

“I believe there is hope. He has much affection for you.”

“But what if we are seeing what we want to see? What if he is merely being friendly?”

“I have seen men in love, and he has all the symptoms of a man who is on his way to feeling for you. Yet, you are correct for being on your guard. Let his actions be your guide. Only give yourself away once he verbally displays outward affection toward you. Therefore, if you feel for him, then you only allowed yourself and me to know of it.”

“Yes. I may have lost my heart, but I must not lose my self-control. Though, I feel it slipping away at every moment.”

“That is a natural feeling to being in love as well.”

“Merriam?” Uncle Gardiner called from down below.

“Coming,” Aunt Gardiner responded. She stood, kissed my cheek and she left me alone.

I had confessed it!

Out loud, I had admitted that I was fully in love.

I lay down on the bed letting all my energy release. Staring up at the ceiling, I marveled at it all.

I was truly in love with Mr. Darcy.

Soon, the whirlwind of emotions that traditionally follow this revelation began to find me. I felt sick once more. I also felt listless and confused, as if I could not focus on one thing. I was losing my bearings, and letting my nerves escape every pore of my skin.

What a piece of work is man and woman!

We can be so noble and logical in one moment, and then so irrational and romantic in the next. How can such extreme and different emotions be contained within one individual?

We humans…so small in the eyes of heaven, and yet, so much bigger on the inside. In action, we are a walking contradiction. And in emotion, we are beautiful confusion!

But I refused to despise myself.

Even if we were all wrong, and Mr. Darcy did not love me, I would rally. I was in love, and rather than run from it, I would cherish it. I would find the beauty and fun of it all and leave