The Lives and Opinions of Eminent Philosophers, Diogenes Laërtius [the gingerbread man read aloud TXT] 📗

the only man to whom it is given to wear both a whole cloak and rags.” Once when Dionysius spit at him, he put up with it; and when someone found fault with him, he said: “Men endure being wetted by the sea in order to catch a tench, and shall not I endure to be sprinkled with wine to catch a sturgeon?”

Once Diogenes, who was washing vegetables, ridiculed him as he passed by, and said: “If you had learnt to eat these vegetables, you would not have been a slave in the palace of a tyrant.” But Aristippus replied: “And you, if you had known how to behave among men, would not have been washing vegetables.” Being asked once what advantage he had derived from philosophy, he said: “The power of associating confidently with everybody.” When he was reproached for living extravagantly, he replied: “If extravagance had been a fault, it would not have had a place in the festivals of the Gods.” At another time he was asked what advantage philosophers had over other men; and he replied: “If all the laws should be abrogated, we should still live in the same manner as we do now.” Once when Dionysius asked him why the philosophers haunt the doors of the rich, but the rich do not frequent those of the philosophers, he said: “Because the first know what they want, but the second do not.”

On one occasion he was reproached by Plato for living in an expensive way; and he replied: “Does not Dionysius seem to you to be a good man?” And as he said that he did; “And yet,” said he, “he lives in a more expensive manner than I do, so that there is no impossibility in a person’s living both expensively and well at the same time.” He was asked once in what educated men are superior to uneducated men; and answered: “Just as broken horses are superior to those that are unbroken.” On another occasion he was going into the house of a courtesan, and when one of the young men who were with him blushed, he said: “It is not the going into such a house that is bad, but the not being able to go out.” Once a man proposed a riddle to him, and said: “Solve it.”⁠—“Why, you silly fellow,” said Aristippus, “do you wish me to loose what gives us trouble, even while it is in bonds?” A saying of his was, “that it was better to be a beggar than an ignorant person; for that a beggar only wants money, but an ignorant person wants humanity.” Once when he was abused, he was going away, and as his adversary pursued him and said: “Why are you going away?”⁠—“Because,” said he, “you have a license for speaking ill; but I have another for declining to hear ill.” When someone said that he always saw the philosophers at the doors of the rich men, he said: “And the physicians also are always seen at the doors of their patients; but still no one would choose for this reason to be an invalid rather than a physician.”

Once it happened that when he was sailing to Corinth, he was overtaken by a violent storm; and when somebody said: “We common individuals are not afraid, but you philosophers are behaving like cowards;” he said: “Very likely, for we have not both of us the same kind of souls at stake.” Seeing a man who prided himself on the variety of his learning and accomplishments, he said: “Those who eat most, and who take the most exercise, are not in better health than they who eat just as much as is good for them; and in the same way it is not those who know a great many things, but they who know what is useful who are valuable men.” An orator had pleaded a cause for him and gained it, and asked him afterwards: “Now, what good did you ever get from Socrates?”⁠—“This good,” said he, “that all that you have said in my behalf is true.” He gave admirable advice to his daughter Arete, teaching her to despise superfluity. And being asked by someone in what respect his son would be better if he received a careful education, he replied: “If he gets no other good, at all events, when he is at the theatre, he will not be one stone sitting upon another.” Once when someone brought his son to introduce to him, he demanded five hundred drachmas; and when the father said: “Why, for such a price as that I can buy a slave.”⁠—“Buy him then,” he replied, “and you will have a pair.”

It was a saying of his that he took money from his acquaintances not in order to use it himself, but to make them aware in what they ought to spend their money. On one occasion, being reproached for having employed a hired advocate in a cause that he had depending: “Why not,” said he; “when I have a dinner, I hire a cook.” Once he was compelled by Dionysius to repeat some philosophical sentiment; “It is an absurdity,” said he, “for you to learn of me how to speak, and yet to teach me when I ought to speak;” and as Dionysius was offended at this, he placed him at the lowest end of the table; on which Aristippus said: “You wish to make this place more respectable.” A man was one day boasting of his skill as a diver; “Are you not ashamed,” said Aristippus, “to pride yourself on your performance of the duty of a dolphin?” On one occasion he was asked in what respect a wise man is superior to one who is not wise; and his answer was: “Send them both naked among strangers, and you will find out.” A man was boasting of being able to drink a great deal without being drunk; and he said: “A mule can do the