Man and Superman, George Bernard Shaw [hardest books to read txt] 📗

a more equitable distribution of wealth. The Sulky Social-Democrat All made by labor, mind you. Mendoza Urbanely. Undoubtedly. All made by labor, and on its way to be squandered by wealthy vagabonds in the dens of vice that disfigure the sunny shores of the Mediterranean. We intercept that wealth. We restore it to circulation among the class that produced it and that chiefly needs it⁠—the working class. We do this at the risk of our lives and liberties, by the exercise of the virtues of courage, endurance, foresight, and abstinence⁠—especially abstinence. I myself have eaten nothing but prickly pears and broiled rabbit for three days. The Sulky Social-Democrat Stubbornly. No more ain’t we. Mendoza Indignantly. Have I taken more than my share? The Sulky Social-Democrat Unmoved. Why should you? The Anarchist Why should he not? To each according to his needs: from each according to his means. The Frenchman Shaking his fist at the anarchist. Fumiste! Mendoza Diplomatically. I agree with both of you. The Genuinely English Brigands Hear, hear! Bravo, Mendoza! Mendoza What I say is, let us treat one another as gentlemen, and strive to excel in personal courage only when we take the field. The Rowdy Social-Democrat Derisively. Shikespear. A whistle comes from the goatherd on the hill. He springs up and points excitedly forward along the road to the north. The Goatherd Automobile! Automobile! He rushes down the hill and joins the rest, who all scramble to their feet. Mendoza In ringing tones. To arms! Who has the gun? The Sulky Social-Democrat Handing a rifle to Mendoza. Here. Mendoza Have the nails been strewn in the road? The Rowdy Social-Democrat Two ahnces of em. Mendoza Good! To the Frenchman. With me, Duval. If the nails fail, puncture their tires with a bullet. He gives the rifle to Duval, who follows him up the hill. Mendoza produces an opera glass. The others hurry across to the road and disappear to the north. Mendoza On the hill, using his glass. Two only, a capitalist and his chauffeur. They look English. Duval Angliche! Aoh yess. Cochons! Handling the rifle. Faut tire, n’est-ce-pas? Mendoza No: the nails have gone home. Their tire is down: they stop. Duval Shouting to the others. Fondez sur eux, nom de Dieu! Mendoza Rebuking his excitement. Du calme, Duval: keep your hair on. They take it quietly. Let us descend and receive them. Mendoza descends, passing behind the fire and coming forward, whilst Tanner and Straker, in their motoring goggles, leather coats, and caps, are led in from the road by brigands. Tanner Is this the gentleman you describe as your boss? Does he speak English? The Rowdy Social-Democrat Course he does. Y’don’t suppowz we Hinglishmen lets ahrselves be bossed by a bloomin Spenniard, do you? Mendoza With dignity. Allow me to introduce myself: Mendoza, President of the League of the Sierra! Posing loftily. I am a brigand: I live by robbing the rich. Tanner Promptly. I am a gentleman: I live by robbing the poor. Shake hands. The English Social-Democrats Hear, hear! General laughter and good humor. Tanner and Mendoza shake hands. The Brigands drop into their former places. Straker Ere! Where do I come in? Tanner Introducing. My friend and chauffeur. The Sulky Social-Democrat Suspiciously. Well, which is he? Friend or show-foor? It makes all the difference you know. Mendoza Explaining. We should expect ransom for a friend. A professional chauffeur is free of the mountains. He even takes a trifling percentage of his princpal’s ransom if he will honor us by accepting it. Straker I see. Just to encourage me to come this way again. Well, I’ll think about it. Duval Impulsively rushing across to Straker. Mon frere! He embraces him rapturously and kisses him on both cheeks. Straker Disgusted. Ere, git out: don’t be silly. Who are you, pray? Duval Duval: Social-Democrat. Straker Oh, you’re a Social-Democrat, are you? The Anarchist He means that he has sold out to the parliamentary humbugs and the bourgeoisie. Compromise! That is his faith. Duval Furiously. I understand what he say. He say Bourgeois. He say Compromise. Jamais de la vie! Miserable menteur⁠— Straker See here, Captain Mendoza, ow much o this sort o thing do you put up with here? Are we avin a pleasure trip in the mountains, or are we at a Socialist meetin? The Majority Hear, hear! Shut up. Chuck it. Sit down, etc. etc. The Social-Democrats and the Anarchist are hurtled into the background. Straker, after superintending this proceeding with satisfaction, places himself on Mendoza’s left, Tanner being on his right. Mendoza Can we offer you anything? Broiled rabbit and prickly pears⁠— Tanner Thank you: we have dined. Mendoza To his followers. Gentlemen: business is over for the day. Go as you please until morning. The Brigands disperse into groups lazily. Some go into the cave. Others sit down or lie down to sleep in the open. A few produce a pack of cards and move off towards the road; for it is now starlight; and they know that motor cars have lamps which can be turned to account for lighting a card party. Straker Calling after them. Don’t none of you go fooling with that car, d’ye hear? Mendoza No fear, Monsieur le Chauffeur. The first one we captured cured us of that. Straker Interested. What did it do? Mendoza It carried three brave comrades of ours, who did not know how to stop it, into Granada, and capsized them opposite the police station. Since then we never touch one without sending for the chauffeur. Shall we chat at our ease? Tanner By all means. Tanner, Mendoza, and Straker sit down on the turf by the fire. Mendoza delicately waives his presidential dignity, of which the right to sit on the squared stone block is the appanage, by sitting on the ground like his guests, and using the stone only as