Man and Superman, George Bernard Shaw [hardest books to read txt] 📗

the son of an English manufacturer of office furniture, your friends would consider it a misalliance. And here’s my silly old dad, who is the biggest office furniture man in the world, would show me the door for marrying the most perfect lady in England merely because she has no handle to her name. Of course it’s just absurd. But I tell you, Violet, I don’t like deceiving him. I feel as if I was stealing his money. Why won’t you let me own up? Violet We can’t afford it. You can be as romantic as you please about love, Hector; but you mustn’t be romantic about money. Hector Divided between his uxoriousness and his habitual elevation of moral sentiment. That’s very English. Appealing to her impulsively. Violet: Dad’s bound to find us out some day. Violet Oh yes, later on of course. But don’t let’s go over this every time we meet, dear. You promised⁠— Hector All right, all right, I⁠— Violet Not to be silenced. It is I and not you who suffer by this concealment; and as to facing a struggle and poverty and all that sort of thing I simply will not do it. It’s too silly. Hector You shall not. I’ll sort of borrow the money from my dad until I get on my own feet; and then I can own up and pay up at the same time. Violet Alarmed and indignant. Do you mean to work? Do you want to spoil our marriage? Hector Well, I don’t mean to let marriage spoil my character. Your friend Mr. Tanner has got the laugh on me a bit already about that; and⁠— Violet The beast! I hate Jack Tanner. Hector Magnanimously. Oh, he’s all right: he only needs the love of a good woman to ennoble him. Besides, he’s proposed a motoring trip to Nice; and I’m going to take you. Violet How jolly! Hector Yes; but how are we going to manage? You see, they’ve warned me off going with you, so to speak. They’ve told me in confidence that you’re married. That’s just the most overwhelming confidence I’ve ever been honored with. Tanner returns with Straker, who goes to his car. Tanner Your car is a great success, Mr. Malone. Your engineer is showing it off to Mr. Ramsden. Hector Eagerly⁠—forgetting himself. Let’s come, Vi. Violet Coldly, warning him with her eyes. I beg your pardon, Mr. Malone, I did not quite catch⁠— Hector Recollecting himself. I ask to be allowed the pleasure of showing you my little American steam car, Miss Robinson. Violet I shall be very pleased. They go off together down the avenue. Tanner About this trip, Straker. Straker Preoccupied with the car. Yes? Tanner Miss Whitefield is supposed to be coming with me. Straker So I gather. Tanner Mr. Robinson is to be one of the party. Straker Yes. Tanner Well, if you can manage so as to be a good deal occupied with me, and leave Mr. Robinson a good deal occupied with Miss Whitefield, he will be deeply grateful to you. Straker Looking round at him. Evidently. Tanner “Evidently!” Your grandfather would have simply winked. Straker My grandfather would have touched his at. Tanner And I should have given your good nice respectful grandfather a sovereign. Straker Five shillins, more likely. He leaves the car and approaches Tanner. What about the lady’s views? Tanner She is just as willing to be left to Mr. Robinson as Mr. Robinson is to be left to her. Straker looks at his principal with cool scepticism; then turns to the car whistling his favorite air. Stop that aggravating noise. What do you mean by it? Straker calmly resumes the melody and finishes it. Tanner politely hears it out before he again addresses Straker, this time with elaborate seriousness. Enry: I have ever been a warm advocate of the spread of music among the masses; but I object to your obliging the company whenever Miss Whitefield’s name is mentioned. You did it this morning, too. Straker Obstinately. It’s not a bit o use. Mr. Robinson may as well give it up first as last. Tanner Why? Straker Garn! You know why. Course it’s not my business; but you needn’t start kiddin me about it. Tanner I am not kidding. I don’t know why. Straker Cheerfully sulky. Oh, very well. All right. It ain’t my business. Tanner Impressively. I trust, Enry, that, as between employer and engineer, I shall always know how to keep my proper distance, and not intrude my private affairs on you. Even our business arrangements are subject to the approval of your Trade Union. But don’t abuse your advantages. Let me remind you that Voltaire said that what was too silly to be said could be sung. Straker It wasn’t Voltaire: it was Bow Mar Shay. Tanner I stand corrected: Beaumarchais of course. Now you seem to think that what is too delicate to be said can be whistled. Unfortunately your whistling, though melodious, is unintelligible. Come! there’s nobody listening: neither my genteel relatives nor the secretary of your confounded Union. As man to man, Enry, why do you think that my friend has no chance with Miss Whitefield? Straker Cause she’s arter summun else. Tanner Bosh! who else? Straker You. Tanner Me!!! Straker Mean to tell me you didn’t know? Oh, come, Mr. Tanner! Tanner In fierce earnest. Are you playing the fool, or do you mean it? Straker With a flash of temper. I’m not playin no fool. More coolly. Why, it’s as plain as the nose on your face. If you ain’t spotted that, you don’t know much about these sort of things. Serene again. Excuse me, you know, Mr. Tanner; but you asked me as man to man; and I told you as man to man. Tanner Wildly appealing to the heavens. Then I⁠—I am the bee, the spider, the marked down victim, the destined prey. Straker I dunno about the bee and the spider. But the marked down victim, that’s what you are and no mistake; and a jolly good job for you, too, I should say. Tanner Momentously. Henry Straker: the