I Love You More Than I'm Afraid (Our Forevers #2), Rebel Hart [best adventure books to read .txt] 📗

and closing the door behind me. He then walked back to the driver’s side and got in, not immediately starting the car. “Most places are still closed. Should we just find a park and talk?”

I nodded, really realizing for the first time how badly holding everything in had affected me. “Yeah.”

He started up the car then, driving off and heading in the direction of a nearby park. He didn’t say anything as we drove, but he kept reaching over and swiping my tears away, for which I was grateful. I probably should have grabbed some tissue or something on my way out of the house.

Not that I expected to experience a total emotional breakdown.

We got to the park and Tristan pulled into a spot and turned off the car. “In or out?” he asked.

It felt like the fresh air would be nice so I said, “Out,” and Tristan immediately hopped out of the car and ran around to my side. He opened the door and I grumbled out, “Thank you.”

“No thanks needed,” he replied.

I stepped out and Tristan shut the door and I absent-mindedly trudged my way towards the nearest picnic table. Though I sat at the table traditionally, kicking my legs over the attached bench and under the tabletop, Tristan climbed up and sat on the tabletop, with his feet on the bench. He immediately dropped his hand to my head and started to scratch the top of it, which certainly helped to calm me down even more.

“What’s going on?” Tristan asked.

I looked up at him and straight into his eyes and said. “I’m in love with Arden.”

His eyes looked like they were gonna come flying out of his skull and his hand stopped moving. “Um… oh.” He started to stammer a bit, saying, “I m-mean, I kind of thought maybe, but, you know, you didn’t really want to talk about it, and… My shock isn’t because you’re, you know… I mean, are you, like… um. Gay or just… Bi… or, I know there are other things…”

I actually snickered a little bit at his stuttering. “I’m…” My throat tightened a little, but I forced my way through it. “I’m gay. I’m not attracted to men.”

He nodded. “That explains a lot.”

“You’re not put off by it?” I asked, my gaze turned down at the table.

Tristan’s hand was still on my head and he pushed, tilting my head backwards so I was looking up at him. “Not in the slightest. You are my best friend in the entire world, and you being attracted to men or women or whatever doesn’t change that. You’re still Hannah.”

Tears immediately filled my eyes and I dropped my head to the table. “Thank you.”

“But man, being in love with Arden. I’m so sorry. That’s gotta be so hard right now,” he said.

I nodded. “The nightmare I had was about her. I dreamed that we had never broken up and were celebrating our anniversary but then…” I remembered Aria’s face and figured maybe Tristan wouldn’t enjoy the story of her as the antagonist. “Then she left me for someone else. She hopped a plane to New York and I was trapped and couldn’t get to her.”

“Never broke up?” Tristan said. “You guys actually dated?”

“Yeah. Between eighth grade and ninth grade year we admitted our feelings for one another and started dating, but halfway through our ninth grade year, my parents found out and flipped out. I was afraid of my parents and we tried to keep it secret and stuff. When I came back in tenth grade, I met you and…” I looked up at Tristan and felt bad. I didn’t want him to think that I used him.

“It’s okay, Hannah,” Tristan said. “I knew something was wrong. I’ll feel better knowing the truth.”

“It was my hope that I could date you publicly and date Arden secretly. My parents would feel better if they thought I was with you, but Arden wasn’t okay with that.”

“I can imagine,” Tristan said. “I can’t regret that it happened because you and I wouldn’t have met and be friends now, but I wouldn’t be okay with that if I were Arden.”

I nodded. “We tried to remain friends, but… well you know how that went.”

“You never got over her?” Tristan asked.

“She’s the love of my life,” I admitted. “I was able to distract myself for a while, you know? Being in the popular group, being friends with you; we just didn’t cross paths a whole lot.”

“Then Aria and I started dating and now you have to deal with her every day.” There was guilt in Tristan’s voice as he said it, and I wasn’t in any position to console him because that was the problem. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m happy you’re happy, Tris,” I said. “Honestly, I just didn’t anticipate how intense it was going to be. I’ve just slowly been realizing that… I’ve never gotten over her, I just blocked it from my mind.” Tears started to fill my eyes again. “She hates me so much now. I hate it.”

“I’m sure she doesn’t hate you,” Tristan said. “Her way of coping with her feelings is… different. Similarly destructive maybe.” I wiped my eyes. “I mean, I’m not in any place to say for sure how she feels, but based on what Aria says, you being around is a struggle for her too, I’m sure for similar reasons. Maybe you should talk to her.”

“I’ve tried talking to her.” That terrible fight we had in the parking lot came slamming into my mind. “She doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Have you tried leading with this stuff though? That you still have feelings and regrets and all that?”

I shook my head. “No, because… nothing has really changed. We still can’t be together.”

“Why?”

“My parents. The kids at school. Society.” I frowned. “I’ve worked so hard to be this… I don’t know, this perfect person. I don’t want anyone to be disappointed in me.”

“Except for Arden?” Tristan said.

It stabbed into me and I didn’t have a good retort.