Mr. Darcy's Diary, Amanda Grange [elon musk reading list TXT] 📗

useful I had been.

It is small wonder she had been so angry with me at

the parsonage. I only wonder now that she was not even

angrier. I begin to see clearly why she refused me. And

to see that, through my own pride, arrogance and folly, I

have lost the woman I love.

mr darcy_internals 1/30/07 4:06 PM Page 193

July

mr darcy_internals 1/30/07 4:06 PM Page 194

1 9 4

A M A N D A G R A N G E

Friday 4th July

I am unsure how to act. If I tell Bingley that Miss Bennet is partial to him, then I may do more harm than

good. It is now more than two months since I spoke to

Elizabeth on the subject, and it is possible that in that

time, Jane has found another young man to love. I have

decided that I will not tell him of Miss Bennet’s affections, but I will encourage him to return to Netherfield

after his visit to Pemberley. If she has any feelings for

him, he will soon discover it.

When Elizabeth berated me for her sister’s unhappiness I thought it a lesser charge than her berating me for

Wickham’s misfortunes, but I begin to think it was not

so. I now know something of what Jane suffered, having

felt the pain of rejection myself. If I have caused her to

feel the emptiness I have felt for the last two months then

I am truly sorry.

Monday 7th July

‘How quiet we are now that Mr Bingley and his sisters

have gone to visit their cousin,’ said Mrs Annesley as we

sat together after dinner this evening.

‘We will be seeing them again before long,’ said Georgiana, as she sat by the window with her needlework.

‘They are coming to Pemberley with us.’

‘I am looking forward to seeing Pemberley,’ said Mrs

Annesley. ‘I understand it is a very fine estate.’

By this gentle sentence she persuaded my sister to tell

her about it, and I thought how lucky I had been to find

mr darcy_internals 1/30/07 4:06 PM Page 195

M r . D a r c y ’ s D i a r y 1 9 5

her. She has helped Georgiana to grow in confidence,

and between us we will steer my sister towards a safe and

happy womanhood.

Tuesday 8th July

I returned to Pemberley today, as I wanted to give Mrs

Reynolds news of my impending visit, and to let her

know how many guests I will be bringing. I could have

written, but our conversation last night filled me with a

longing to see it again.

As I turned in at the lodge and rode through the park

I could not help thinking: Here I could have brought

Elizabeth. I rode through the wood, following the trail

upwards until I reached the top. I reined in my horse and

let my eyes rest on Pemberley House, at the far side of

the valley. My gaze ran over the house, its mellow stone

glowing in the sunlight; on the stream in front of it; and

on the wooded ridge behind.

Of all this Elizabeth could have been the mistress. But

she had refused my hand. She had not allowed any considerations of position or wealth to sway her, and I honoured her for it. I did not know another woman who

would have acted in such a way.

I felt again all the misery and pain of having lost her.

I rode on, descending the hill and crossing the bridge

before riding to the door. As I dismounted, and stood

before the house, I realized how much I would have valued her as my wife; how the liveliness of her spirits

would have softened my own, and her lack of improper

mr darcy_internals 1/30/07 4:06 PM Page 196

1 9 6

A M A N D A G R A N G E

pride tempered mine.

I went in. I found the house well cared for, and Mrs

Reynolds was pleased to know that I will be visiting with

a party of friends in August.

‘It will be good to see Miss Georgiana again, sir.’

‘She is looking forward to being here. She misses

Pemberley.’

If Elizabeth had accepted my hand, Georgiana would

be living here again, not on her own, but with her family. She and Elizabeth would have been sisters…but I

must not torture myself.

I went round the home farm with Johnson, and saw

the repairs he had commissioned. He is an asset to the

estate, and I am glad to have him.

When I returned to the house, Mrs Reynolds had

drawn up a plan of the rooms, allotting to Bingley and

his sisters their usual chambers.They will be staying with

me on my return. She had also drawn up a selection of

menus. I gave them my approval, and spent the evening

in discussing with her some changes I would like to see

in the east wing, before retiring to bed.

Friday 18th July

I returned to town, and mean to finish my business

before spending the rest of the summer at Pemberley.

Saturday 19th July

I was surprised to see Bingley today, when I was riding

in the park.

mr darcy_internals 1/30/07 4:06 PM Page 197

M r . D a r c y ’ s D i a r y 1 9 7

‘I thought you were visiting your cousin,’ I said to him.

‘I was, but I have come back a week early. You are

right about me, you see, I have no constancy.’

I was glad of the opening this offered me.

‘I thought, in one matter, perhaps you had,’ I ventured.

‘Oh?’

He said no more, but I could see where his thoughts

were tending.

‘Did I tell you I visited Rosings at Easter?’ I asked. ‘I

went to stay with my aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh.’

‘Yes, I believe I heard something of it,’ said Bingley

without interest. ‘I hope Lady Catherine is well?’

‘Yes, thank you. She was in good health and spirits. She

had visitors staying with her, a party from Longbourn.’

He changed colour at this.

‘Longbourn? I did not know that. What were they

doing in Kent?’ he asked, as we turned into the park.

‘They were visiting the rectory. Perhaps you remember Mr Collins, a heavy young man who was a rector in

my aunt’s parish?’

‘No, I cannot think I do.’

‘He was staying at Longbourn before Christmas. He

attended the ball at Netherfield, with the Bennets.’

‘Ah, now I remember.There was a rumour he was to

marry Elizabeth Bennet.’

‘It