Mr. Darcy's Diary, Amanda Grange [elon musk reading list TXT] 📗

I had come to the end. Now all that

remained was for me to wish her well.

This, madam, is a faithful narrative of every

event in which we have been concerned

together; and if you do not absolutely reject it as

false, you will, I hope, acquit me henceforth of

cruelty towards Mr Wickham. I know not in

what manner, under what form of falsehood he

has imposed on you; but his success is not per-

haps to be wondered at. Ignorant as you previ-

ously were of everything concerning either,

detection could not be in your power, and sus-

picion certainly not in your inclination. You

may possibly wonder why all this was not told

you last night. But I was not then master

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enough of myself to know what could or ought

to be revealed. For the truth of everything here

related, I can appeal more particularly to the

testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam; and that

there may be the possibility of consulting him,

I shall endeavour to find some opportunity of

putting this letter in your hands in the course of

the morning. I will only add, God bless you.

Fitzwilliam Darcy.

It was done.

I glanced at the clock. It was half past two. I had to

copy the letter into a fair hand, one she could read, but I

was tired. I decided to rest.

I undressed slowly and went to bed.

Wednesday 23rd April

This morning I woke with the dawn. I slept again, until

my valet wakened me. I rose quickly, then made a fair

copy of my letter. I made my way to Colonel

Fitzwilliam’s room. He was in his dressing-gown when I

arrived, about to have his valet shave him.

‘I need to speak to you,’ I said.

‘At this hour?’ he asked, laughing.

‘I need your help.’

His look changed. He dismissed his valet.

‘You have it,’ he said.

‘I need you to do something for me.’

‘Name it.’

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‘I need you to bear witness to the events related in this

letter.’

He looked at me in surprise.

‘They contain particulars of Wickham’s relations with

my sister.’

He frowned.‘I do not think you should divulge them

to anyone.’

‘Events have made it imperative that I do so.’

In the briefest of terms I told him of what had passed;

that I had proposed to Elizabeth and been refused.

‘Refused?’ He broke in at that. ‘Good God, what can

you have said to her to make her refuse you?’

‘Nothing. I said only what any sensible man would

have said,’ I replied. ‘I told her of the struggle I had had

in overlooking the inferiority of her connections, the

objectionable behaviour of her family, the lowness of her

situation in life – ’

‘Only what any sensible man would have said?’ he

asked in surprise. ‘Darcy, this is not like you.You cannot

have so mismanaged it. To insult a woman and then to

expect her to marry you?’

I was surprised at his reaction.

‘I spoke nothing but the truth.’

‘If we all spoke the truth there would be a great deal

of unhappiness in the world, and particularly at such a

time. Some things are better left unsaid.’

‘I abhor deception,’ I said.

‘And I abhor a blockhead!’ he returned, half-smiling,

half-exasperated. Then he became serious. ‘But to offer

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for Miss Bennet…I confess you have taken me by surprise. I had no idea your affections were engaged.’

‘I took care you should not know. I did not want anyone to know. I thought I could vanquish them.’

‘But they were too strong for you?’

I nodded, and though I would not have admitted it to

anyone but myself, they still were. No matter. I would

conquer them. I had no choice.

‘Will you stand witness for me? Will you make yourself available to her, should she wish it?’ I asked him.

‘You are sure she will say nothing of it to anyone?’

‘I am sure.’

‘Very well.Then yes, I will.’

‘Thank you. And now I must leave you. I hope to put

this letter into her hand this morning. She walks in the

park after breakfast. I hope to find her there.’

I left him to his valet and went out into the park. I had

not long to wait. I saw Elizabeth and walked towards her.

She hesitated, and I believe she would have turned away

if she could, but she knew that I had seen her. I walked

towards her purposefully.

‘I have been walking in the grove some time in the

hope of meeting you. Will you do me the honour of

reading that letter?’

I put it into her hand. And then, before she could

hand it back to me, I made her a slight bow and walked

away.

Of my feelings as I returned to Rosings I will say

nothing. I scarcely know what they were. I imagined her

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reading the letter.Would she believe me? Would she think

better of me? Or would she dismiss it as a fabrication?

I had no way of knowing.

My visit to my aunt is drawing to an end. I leave

tomorrow with my cousin. I could not go without taking my leave of those at the parsonage, but I was apprehensive about the visit. How would Elizabeth look?

What would she say? What would I say?

As chance should have it, Elizabeth was not there. I

said all that was proper to Mr and Mrs Collins and then

took my leave.

Colonel Fitzwilliam went later, remaining an hour so

that Elizabeth might have a chance of speaking to him if

she wished it, but she did not return. I can only hope she

has accepted that I have told her the truth, and that her

feelings towards me are now less hostile. But any other

kind of feelings…such hopes are over.

Thursday 24th April

I am in London again. After all the unforeseeable events

at Rosings I find that here, at least, things are still the

same. Georgiana has learnt a new sonata and netted a

purse. She has also made a very good sketch of Mrs

Annesley. But although London