Kelly Jamieson, How (html) [top 10 motivational books txt] 📗

She wanted to hear an emphatic"No!" Not that ambiguous response. Her heart hurt so bad she couldn'tbreathe.

"Well, your trip to San Franciscodidn't turn out so well," she said lightly. "I'm sorry aboutthat."

"God, Marli, don't."

"Well, it is my fault.Although, you could've just left. I never really understood why you stayedaround."

He closed his eyes. "Don't yousee, Marli? Krista would still be alive if I hadn't fucked up that night andlet Barnes walk right by me."

She turned to stare at him."You blame yourself for Krista's murder?" Wow. Sheturned that concept around and around in her mind, looking at it, thinkingabout it. "Hey, buddy, that's my turf."

"You don't have the marketcornered on guilt," he said wearily.

She nodded. Well, that sort ofexplained it. Once he'd found out what was going on, guilt had made him stayand try to fix things.

Just like she'd been trying to do.She knew only too well the power of guilt to make you do stupid, irrationalthings. It was almost funny, and she started to laugh, but it was hollowlaughter, her throat burning, eyes stinging.

"You are such an idiot." Shestabbed a finger into his chest, and he looked at her in surprise. "Yeah.You are. You already told me Krista's murder wasn't my fault. What the hell areyou thinking, feeling responsible?" She smacked his shoulder. "Jesus,how stupid can you be?"

His eyes went wide with shock. Hestared at her speechlessly.

"I guess you expected me to beall sorry for you. Poor Trey. Well, I'm not. You're acting like a bigbaby."

"What!"

"You are. Wallowing inself-pity, running away from your problems. You haven't dealt with your wife,your brother... anything. And you won't deal with me."

"What the... That'sbullshit."

"Think about it, Trey."She glared at him. "I love you. I know you care about me."

"Don't love me," heshouted. "I'm not worth it. Look at me!"

She gave him a long look, her hearttight in her chest. "I'm looking at you. And I'm seeing a man who isstrong and caring and protective, someone you can count on, someone who savedmy life. More than once."

"That's not what you said aminute ago," he muttered, shifting his eyes away from hers. "Marli, Ihave nothing to offer you. Who knows what's left of my career after all this.I'm married to another woman; my family is a mess. Christ."

"I know. But I love youanyway." Her lips twisted. "Don't worry, Trey. I'm not going to cry,or beg, or stalk you or anything. But you need to know how I feel. I'm sorry ifyou don't like it."

"Oh, Christ, Marli,don't."

Her chest rose and fell with eachlong, painful breath she took as they stared at each other.

"I thought when you found outhow I screwed up and let Barnes get away, you'd be mad at me. Hate me."

She slowly shook her head, frowning."I'm not mad at you for that. How could I be?" She could imagine hispain, his suffering after finding out the child he was looking forward tohaving with his wife was that of another man, his own brother. Fury rose in hertoward his brother and his wife. How could they have done that to him? Andthen, he'd tried to save that woman in the bar. Sure, he'd screwed up, but he'dbeen trying to save a life.

"You were hurting," shesaid. "You weren't even working that night. You were trying to do a goodthing, but you made a mistake. Everyone does."

He shook his head, looking doubtful.

"You told me it's not my faultthat Krista was killed," she said. "Well, it's not your fault either.It's Sheldon Barnes's fault." She poked him in the chest. "Hisfault. He's the murderer. Not me. Not you."

They stared at each other for a longmoment, but suddenly she was overcome by exhaustion, limp with fatigue, heavywith despair. "We should get some sleep."

Once again, she rolled to the edgeof the mattress and pulled the covers up to her chin.

When she woke up in the morning, sheand Trey were plastered against each other, hot and sticky, his hand holdinghers tightly beneath his cheek as he slept. She watched him, a deep, achingsadness squeezing her heart until his eyes flickered and he awoke, too.

When they'd packed and checked out,he said, "We can pick up some food on the way." He tucked his creditcard back in his wallet.

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat." He tookher bag from her and led the way to his car.

Bossy as usual.

It was a long, quiet drive back toLA.

When they arrived in Rocky Harborthat afternoon, Trey took her first to get her car. After she got out of hisvehicle, she turned, leaning on the door. "You don't have to come back tomy place. I'm good from here."

"I'll make sure you're homesafe," he said, not looking at her.

She shrugged and slammed the doorshut, then walked over to her own car. He followed her home and pulled into herdriveway behind her.

She unlocked the front door,disarmed the alarm system she'd almost forgotten about, and dropped her purseon the table. Trey came in behind her and set her bag down. She turned to facehim, smiling brightly.

"I'll take this upstairs foryou," he said.

She started to protest, thenrelented. "Thanks." He climbed the stairs.

She wandered around her condo. Itwas such a relief to be home. It would be a while before she felt normal. Hell,after everything that had happened she would probably never feel normal--or howshe used to feel, anyway. Things that happen change a person, she reflected, trailinga hand over the shiny granite counter in her little kitchen. Having your bestfriend brutally murdered. Having a psychopath try to kill you. Falling inlove... Those were all definitely life-altering events. She sighed.

"So." Trey was back."Get that back door fixed."

"Yes, sir!" She salutedhim, and he rolled his eyes.

Her smile faded. He was leaving. Sheknew it.

Her heart hurt, felt like it wascracking wide open in her chest, so painful she almost