Cole: The Wounded Sons, Leah Sharelle [the reading list .TXT] 📗

I don’t like this anymore, Oaklee, it’s getting too hard.

How did my day go from euphoric after waking up in Cole’s arms and making love slowly with the man I loved above everyone else to this soul-destroying fear that I was going to lose him?

Agreeing to go with Doc to his studio didn’t seem like a big deal; at least for me, it didn’t. On the other hand, Cole’s reaction made me rethink my choice enough that I worked myself up into a frenzy. Suddenly, I was overthinking his every facial tick, the low timbre of his growls, and why he walked away from me.

Once he said to me that it was his bike and his bike only I would ever be on. I agreed because that was what I wanted too, but Doc was … well, Doc. Yeah, he was tall, dark and handsome, but my interest never peaked above zero on the interest scale. Ever. Surely Cole doesn’t think I would ever stray? The very thought was preposterous and truthfully a little sickening.

Another man’s hands on me? Spew!

The light in the loungeroom was dull, which meant Cole had the small table lamp on.

Mood lighting? That was a good sign.

I hated this sudden insecure dread looming inside me; second-guessing my decision no matter how innocent it had been at the time took me back to some of the worst times of my life. I was always believing I was to blame for my parents’ inability to get their acts together and keeping my grandparents from their scheduled world trip because they had to take custody of me every six months from their son.

“You’re a pain in my arse sometimes, Oaklee,” my mum would say to me when she missed out on a party because I had a cold or because she didn’t have the money to spend on alcohol or for a new dress. All because I needed school books, and my grandpa wouldn’t give them the money to try and get them to learn responsibility.

Parenting one-o-one, don’t have the kid if you don’t want the kid.

Inhaling deeply, I cut off the engine, turned off the lights and reached for my handbag.

There are no bones sticking ou; your face is not gaunt, your skin is not sagging. You ate breakfast today and didn’t throw it up.

I didn’t need to be looking at myself in the mirror to repeat my silly mantra. Sometimes I said it to myself as I walked past a woman skinnier than me or seeing a mother and daughter taking a shopping trip. This was the first time I had to use it concerning a man, though.

A part of me thought the whole thing silly. Me getting on the back of Doc’s bike seemed like a harmless act, and Cole should trust me not to be tempted by another man.

The other part of me completely understood why Cole got so pissed that he couldn’t stay and watch me settle on the back of Doc’s bike like I did when I was with Cole. I shimmied, moved around to get my butt in the right spot on the seat, something Cole rather enjoyed, and sometimes I made a show of wiggling my front against his back, just so I could hear his aroused moans, and finally, him growling his nickname for me when he’d reached his limit. Cole did not like riding with a hard-on.

Oh shit, did he think that Doc would get the same reaction with me on the back of his bike?

Ewww. Doc was so not my type; even if I wasn’t with Cole, that would still be the case.

I understood Cole hated that he had not been able to lay claim, as he put it, on me officially as yet. Hanging down at the beach with his team and their wives, my new friends, were the only times when he and I could walk around as a couple, other than at my house. And up until today, our interaction at the Club has been drama-free and kind of fun. Our secret flirting was fun, and I had to admit, I loved seeing him there and knowing he was mine. The way the pulse in his neck sped up when he clocked me in the main room at the compound. His reaction empowered me, giving me the confidence in myself I lacked for so long.

Having this time to get to know each other without the pressure of people watching us has been great. But when bumps in the road appear, like today, having to wait for hours to talk about it gave me pause that maybe it was time for Cole to speak to his father and me to come clean to my boss.

Today was the first time I regretted our secrecy. The first time being in the same room as Cole was uncomfortable. The first time I realised I still had a lot I didn’t know about the man who shared my bed and owned my heart.

My way was to nip problems in the bud before they festered too far, three hours later, and that problem was now a boil that needed lancing.

I was with Cole one hundred percent, but he needed to be more specific when it came to the ‘rules’ of being a girlfriend. Rules as in getting on the bike of the Club’s road captain and why it was taboo. It wasn’t like Doc was on the prowl for sex, I spent enough time at the Club to see the way his brown eyes narrowed, and his jaw ticked when a certain Club daughter sashayed past him, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder and practically drooling over him.

Did the no bike rule apply to the likes of Creed or the other married members? Buggered if I knew, so Cole was going to sit down and explain it without a single chin lift, grunt or growl. Plain and simple English, please,