Clarissa Harlowe, Samuel Richardson [black authors fiction .txt] 📗

But why do I now, when you seem to be in so good a train, puzzle and perplex you with my retrospections? And yet they may be of use to you, if any delay happen on his part.

But that I think cannot well be. What you have therefore now to do, is so to behave to this proud-spirited wretch, as may banish from his mind all remembrance of past disobligations,216 and to receive his addresses, as those of a betrothed lover. You will incur the censure of prudery and affectation, if you keep him at that distance which you have hitherto kept him at. His sudden (and as suddenly recovered) illness has given him an opportunity to find out that you love him (Alas! my dear, I knew you loved him!) He has seemed to change his nature, and is all love and gentleness. And no more quarrels now, I beseech you.

I am very angry with him, nevertheless, for the freedoms which he took with your person;217 and I think some guard is necessary, as he is certainly an encroacher. But indeed all men are so; and you are such a charming creature, and have kept him at such a distance!⁠—But no more of this subject. Only, my dear, be not overnice, now you are so near the state. You see what difficulties you laid yourself under, when Tomlinson’s letter called you again into the wretch’s company.

If you meet with no impediments, no new causes of doubt,218 your reputation in the eye of the world is concerned, that you should be his, and, as your uncle rightly judges, be thought to have been his before now. And yet, let me tell you, I can hardly bear to think, that these libertines should be rewarded for their villany with the best of the sex, when the worst of it are too good for them.

I shall send this long letter by Collins,219 who changes his day to oblige me. As none of our letters by Wilson’s conveyance have miscarried, when you have been in more apparently-disagreeable situations than you are in at present, I have no doubt that this will go safe.

Miss Lardner220 (whom you have seen hat her cousin Biddulph’s) saw you at St. James’s church on Sunday was fortnight. She kept you in her eye during the whole time; but could not once obtain the notice of yours, though she courtesied to you twice. She thought to pay her compliments to you when the service was over; for she doubted not but you were married⁠—and for an odd reason⁠—because you came to church by yourself. Every eye, (as usual, wherever you are), she said was upon you; and this seeming to give you hurry, and you being nearer the door than she, you slid out before she could get to you. But she ordered her servant to follow you till you were housed. This servant saw you step into a chair which waited for you; and you ordered the men to carry you to the place where they took you up. She describes the house as a very genteel house, and fit to receive people of fashion: and what makes me mention this, is, that perhaps you will have a visit from her; or message, at least.

So that you have Mr. Doleman’s testimony to the credit of the house and people you are with; and he is a man of fortune, and some reputation; formerly a rake indeed; but married to a woman of family; and having had a palsy blow, one would think a penitent.221 You have also Mr. Mennell’s at least passive testimony; Mr.) Tomlinson’s; (and now, lastly, Miss Lardner’s; so that there will be the less need for inquiry: but you know my busy and inquisitive temper, as well as my affection for you, and my concern for your honour. But all doubt will soon be lost in certainty.

Nevertheless I must add, that I would have you command me up, if I can be of the least service or pleasure to you.* I value not fame; I value not censure; nor even life itself, I verily think, as I do your honour, and your friendship⁠—For is not your honour my honour? And is not your friendship the pride of my life?

May Heaven preserve you, my dearest creature, in honour and safety, is the prayer, the hourly prayer, of

Your ever-faithful and affectionate,

Anna Howe.

Thursday Morn. 5. I have written all night.

Excuse indifferent writing; my crow-quills are worn to the stumps, and I must get a new supply.

These ladies always write with crow-quills, Jack.

If thou art capable of taking in all my providences, in this letter, thou wilt admire my sagacity and contrivance almost as much as I do myself. Thou seest, that Miss Lardner, Mrs. Sinclair, Tomlinson, Mrs. Fretchville, Mennell, are all mentioned in it. My first liberties with her person also. (Modesty, modesty, Belford, I doubt, is more confined to time, place, and occasion, even by the most delicate minds, than these minds would have it believed to be). And why all these taken notice of by me from the genuine letter, but for fear some future letter from the vixen should escape my hands, in which she might refer to these names? And, if none of them were to have been found in this that is to pass for hers, I might be routed horse and foot, as Lord M. would phrase it in a like case.

Devilish hard (and yet I may thank myself) to be put to all this plague and trouble:⁠—And for what dost thou ask?⁠—O Jack, for a triumph of more value to me beforehand than an imperial crown!⁠—Don’t ask me the value of it a month hence. But what indeed is an