Happy Kids, Cathy Glass [best ebook reader for ubuntu .TXT] 📗

asking, it is essential you make your Requests simple, direct and instructive. For example, if you want Aaron to put on his shoes, say, ‘Aaron, we are going out. Put on your shoes now, please.’ If you don’t say ‘now’, Aaron will assume that any time is good for putting on his shoes, despite the fact that you are getting ready to go out. Always state exactly what you want and don’t assume it is implicit in your request or actions. It won’t be. Don’t use satire, metaphors or figurative language, as the child will take it literally. One autistic spectrum child I fostered looked at me most oddly when I told him to ‘keep his eye on the ball’ while teaching him to catch. He had no conception of the use of idioms; and most adults with autism will still struggle when they come across a new way of phrasing something that is not literal.

Children with autism or Asperger’s thrive on routine and you can use this to your advantage. Put in place a clear, consistent and effective routine, but if you have to alter your routine, warn your child in advance, as otherwise he will become anxious and it could throw him ‘off course’ for the rest of the day. Another simple example: ‘Aaron, you normally get up at seven thirty, but tomorrow it will be seven. This is because we have to leave the house at eight for your doctor’s appointment.’ Tell him in the evening before the change, again as you say goodnight and then in the morning as you wake him, with the added instruction that he has to get dressed now. This won’t necessarily be obvious to Aaron, as the routine and therefore the expectations have changed.

Making simple Requests, Repeating and Reassuring are paramount for children with autism or Asperger’s, to an extent that wouldn’t be necessary with a child without either of the conditions. The child won’t read or interpret the signals you are giving in the way you intended. If you are in a hurry, upset or tired, tell the child; it won’t be obvious – he won’t necessarily interpret your tears as sadness or your smile as joy. Likewise he won’t automatically know that other people can be affected or hurt by his or her actions, and you will need to explain, probably many times. Children with autism or Asperger’s can learn how to act in social situations, what is appropriate behaviour and how to feel; but they have to be taught it. So say, for instance, ‘Aaron, don’t turn your back on Grandma when she is talking to you. Look at her, please.’ Aaron doesn’t know it is impolite to turn his back on Grandma; as far as he is concerned he can still hear her talking, whether he is looking at her or not.

I realise that this is an over-simplification, and if you have an autistic spectrum child you will be struggling with very complex, confusing and often challenging behaviour, but my experience is that all children with autism can make dramatic improvements in behaviour with the simple Request, Repeat and Reassure, and of course don’t forget to praise them each time they get it right.

The child I am fostering at present has diagnosed autism, as well as other conditions. Each morning I lay out his clothes and tell him it is time to get dressed. Once he is dressed I praise him; then I tell him to go downstairs for his breakfast. If I didn’t praise him, he would think he had forgotten something or done something wrong – he needs the confirmation and reassurance. And if I didn’t tell him to go downstairs for breakfast, he would go in his own time – maybe two hours later.

The child is eleven and has been with me for two years, following the same routine every morning. However, during these two years, as well as teaching him to wash and dress himself, I have shown him how to greet people – shaking hands or saying hello rather than hurling himself at them; how to behave in social groups – when to talk and when to remain silent; taking turns; what is appropriate behaviour; and when and how to express emotion. He still has problems, particularly in relating to his peer group, who aren’t always as patient or forgiving as adults when he gets it wrong. But the huge progress he has made, which has taken him from social outcast to someone who is included, is a result of telling him what is required, and Repeating, Reaffirming and Reassuring until he has got it right.

Behavioural disorders

There are two main recognised behavioural conditions: Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and Conduct Disorder. Both of these conditions are exactly what their names suggest: severe bad behaviour, which can present many challenges for parents or carers. All children display some negative behaviour at some time, but in children with a behavioural disorder it is severe enough to be diagnosed as a condition. The diagnosis comes from the psychologist’s observation of the child – there is no physical test – and the child will display some, or possibly all, of the following symptoms:

*  aggressive towards people and animals

*  frequently argues with adults

*  destroys or vandalises property

*  frequently loses temper

*  actively defies or challenges authority

*  blames others for his or her behaviour

*  is easily angered

*  bullies, threatens, initiates fights or arguments

*  steals, lies, truants.

Add to this list any other negative behaviour, but to an extent that would not normally be seen in a child without a behavioural disorder.

An estimated 4–9 per cent of children are thought to have a behavioural disorder, and it is often present with another disorder, for example ADHD. Behavioural disorders can govern and ruin children’s lives, as well as the lives of the parents and the well-being of the family unit. The sooner a child is recognised as having such a disorder, the sooner change can begin. A child who still displays uncontrolled and uncontrollable