Caught in Us (Caught Series Book 4), Kacey Shea [top 50 books to read .TXT] 📗

“Oh, I’m not . . .” I scrub a hand down my face. “You don’t think it’s too soon? I don’t want her to think she’s a rebound. I want a real chance.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t ask.”

Fuck. She’s right. “Well, it’d help if I could find her first.”

Callie smirks, nodding down the pathway. I follow her stare.

Alicia sits on a bench that’s nearly hidden by the bend in the pathway. She blends with the wall of ivy behind her. I almost let out a laugh. I was out here waiting. Driving myself nuts. But she was here the whole time. Her gaze lifts toward the sky, and the light streaming through the open tent behind us casts shadows upon her face. My breath catches at her beauty.

“Good luck.” Callie squeezes my shoulder. “You both deserve to be happy.” She struts away, passing Alicia with a wave on route to the restrooms.

I wait a second before I walk that same path, clearing my throat as I get close. “Hey.” Nerves rattle my confidence, but I push them aside. I’d rather look the fool than miss this chance. “Mind if I join you?”

She hesitates a second, almost as if she’s warring with herself, but the slight nod of her chin is all the invitation I need. She scoots over, putting space between us as I sit down.

One of the wedding guests, a co-worker of Jill’s, walks over and glances around as if looking for something or someone. “Do you know where the bathrooms are?”

“Down the path to the building on your left.” Alicia points.

“Thanks.” The woman nods, following Alicia’s directions, but her heel catches on one of the pavers and she nearly trips.

I wince. “That could’ve been ugly.”

“We should have put more lights out here.” Alicia nods. “When my parents used to host their big fundraisers, the entire path had solar lanterns. I don’t know why my mother had them removed.”

“They host a lot of parties like this?”

“Not in the last couple of years.” She doesn’t explain more. Almost as if she’s uncomfortable with my question. I wonder how her family feels about her living overseas with Matthew. I’m sure they miss him. It’s only been a matter of days and I already do.

“I missed seeing Matthew today.”

“He was out with my brother and Simon.”

“Yeah, that’s what Callie said.”

“Sorry, you probably want to spend time with him.” She wrings her hands together in her lap. “Maybe this week before we fly back?”

My heart sinks at the mention of it. Time is not on our side. “Yeah, I’ll move things around. Take a day off work. Whenever you’re both free I’ll make it work.”

“You can take him out on your own. If you want?”

Of course I want to see my son, but I want her there too. I stare at Alicia, trying to read between the words she won’t say. “Why would I want that?” Does she not want to spend time with me?

“It’s probably not a good idea.” She won’t meet my stare. “Us. Getting too close. You know? Considering everything with our past.”

My chest aches. My nostrils sting. The thought of her not willing to give us a real chance is almost too much. Is she still scared to be with me because I’m a recovering addict? “Alicia?”

“I’m sorry.” She shoves to her feet, shaking her head. “I can’t.” She takes a few steps toward the tent, but must change her mind, because she doubles back to take the path toward the restrooms. She storms by, her gaze on the ground as if she can’t stand the sight of me.

I can’t let her walk away. “Alicia. Wait.” In two long strides, I catch her wrist, stopping her from running away. “What’s going on?” Anger surges in my chest as she turns her face downward. “Damn it, Alicia. Why won’t you look at me?”

Her chin lifts, the dim light illuminating the torment in her features. Tears escape from the corners of her eyes. She shakes her head, her chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. “Chase. Please. Don’t. Just let me go.”

Confusion furrows my brow. Let her go? I don’t understand. The request feels impossible. Even if I tried, I’m not sure I ever could.

30

Alicia

“No.” He shakes his head, the lines on his forehead deepening with his frown. “I won’t. We’re talking about whatever it is that has you running away.”

Fine. He wants to know what’s keeping me away? What’s been nagging in my mind since reconnecting. I’m tired. I can’t fake it anymore. “I’m exhausted, Chase.” I throw my arms out wide. “Pretending things are perfectly fine when they aren’t. Pretending I have my shit together when I have no idea what I’m doing.” I blink back the tears but they fall anyway. “Pretending I don’t care when I can’t stop thinking about you. Even when I shouldn’t. Even when I don’t want to.”

His eyes narrow as he takes a step forward. “Why don’t you want to?”

“Because I messed up.” My voice cracks. It hit me during the wedding. I missed my chance. I fucked up any possibility of a future with him. And worse . . . I have no one to blame but myself. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I stayed away. That I kept our son from you. I’m sorry I left in the first place. I wish I could go back. I wish I could erase the pain I’ve caused you, but I can’t.”

“I accept.” He crowds my body.

I frown, taking a step back. The ivy on the brick wall at my back tickles my exposed skin. “You?”

“I forgive you. I don’t want bad feelings between us. I want to support you and be a part of Matthew’s life. I don’t want to hate my son’s mother.” He brushes the back of his hand down my arm.

“That’s . . . That’s really big of you, Chase,” I say, my focus distracted by his touch. I consider if roles were reversed. “I’m not sure I